I have trouble changing my relationships with other people.

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Basically if I'm already in a relationship (not necessarily a big-R relationship) with someone, I find it hard to bring something into it that wasn't previously a part of it. As an example, I've been reading about asperger's obsessively and figuring out how it is a part of myself, obsessively, for like a few weeks. I still haven't told either of the friends that I'm moving in with in a week.

So I guess my question is, is that related to the aspie aversion to change somehow, and how should I deal with it? It's definitely been one of the bigger problems in my life and I'm hoping that the fact that I'm autistic can shed some light on it.

That doesn't sound that problematic, or unusual. Mentioning it now would probably be premature.

In a general sense, this might be related to "resistance to change." I just call it being cautious and thoughtful. I want to make sure that something new makes sense to me before I bring it up--otherwise, I feel foolish.

How long does it take you to bring something new into an existing relationship?

I don't think I've ever successfully done it. I have a friend who has always kind of taken care of me in a really one-sided way. We had a really intense conversation about our relationship one night and they had to go to bed because it was very late. They said that they wanted me to initiate the conversation when I wanted to finish it, and I very nearly broke down before that was possible.

Even though since meeting that person I'm very much more independent and usually more capable of doing those things with other people, it was nearly impossible with this person.

Can you clarify what you mean by bringing something new into a relationship?

No, not really.

I guess I mean anything I feel might drastically alter the mechanics of a relationship. It's not that I resist it, the possibility literally doesn't register to me.

Do you mean you have trouble bringing something up? Because my husband is like that. He drops it on me too late, when we are arguing about something else.

I do notice that the longer I leave a subject, the harder it is to raise it. Sometimes people actually benefit from a little advance warning, such as "I wonder if I have x sometimes".

I think I know what you mean.

I used to hate hugs, now I want them or one but could never allow someone I have known for a long time to give me one as it would change everything but someone new might be able to.

I couldnt suggest the possibility of AS to anyone I already know.

I don't see why you would to tell your future housemates tho, I wouldn't do that, I would want them to get to know me as a person not a condition.

One of my housemates is also an aspie. The other is my partner, who has hella disabilities of her own. And we talk about them *all the time*. I'd like the house to be largely about being really honest and supportive about these things.

I'm quite wary of rocking the boat. It usually occurs to me that it's an option, but mostly I'll either find an alternative or just let it ride, until it's too serious to ignore.