Self-Victimizing by autism diagnosis

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For me...I first fought it a lot harder. I wanted a different answer. I wanted my problems to go away.
But as I tried to disprove it...and try hard to stop the things that got me the diagnosis....it didn't work.
So then I went on the other extreme. Instead of hiding it...I let it all out...so frustrated that I couldn't stop it. I was angry and I am still fighting it. So after trying to disprove it...I think i acted out more. I think I was fighting so hard to keep it all a secret...that I burned out...and then I was a mess....so things did flare up...and I felt like I was a victim.
I am balancing it all out again...as best as I can. I don't demand others to accept me...so i hide it for strangers and non close friends. But for my close friends...I kind of feel like...oh well...I fought hard...I am tired of fighting....and I let myself go. And as I let myself go with trusted people...I have more peace....more than ever in my life.
So I think I learned balance...learned who i can be myself with...and learning who I can't be myself with. I don't like others putting their beliefs and ways in my face...so I try to respect them....and keep myself hidden so i am not forcing myself on others.
Don't know if it is a good thing or not. But when I fought my whole life to act normal....and couldn't...I gave up trying with my friends that love me. And those are my very best times in life...and eventually...I didn't feel like a victim...I felt like myself...and that was very freeing. Having permission to be your self is a freeing experience...and rather than a victim..it is just me.
Still have some times that it comes out when I don't want things to...and then feel like a victim...or that I should hide it better. guess I don't have it 100% correct.

This also, besides acting like a victim after you are diagnosed.

thanks for rephrasing

Since all human beings are all inter-dependent, and since some of us are more needy than others, and since I (as well as many others both here and elsewhere) fit somewhere within both of those categories, I spend a lot of time thinking about all of this. We see parents struggling to nurture their children in the best ways possible, and then we see adults trying to get even more (or at least continued) help for themselves even later on after their parents are (and for one reason or another) no longer in the picture ... yet there is simply no way to make all things well for everyone. It might be best to not tell a child about his or her diagnosis for a while, but then the autistic adult typically "needs to know" in order to understand even though nothing can really be done either amidst or via the "professionals" who actually know that even while nevertheless earning their salaries by proposing to "help". So then, it all comes down to whether or not others around us care to attend our needs ... and that can so easily be affected by how we act.

Sorting all of that out is difficult, if not even impossible.