What the worst part of having ASD for you?

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Rather than put something of my own character and attribute it to a label I was given at 10 i would rather keep ownership of all my deficits and attribute them to how I am as a person and therefore have responsibility for their continued expression, use and maybe even their slow withdrawl from the way I present myself to others.

I would say social interaction as i have difficulty making friends aswell as keeping them too.

Social Interaction

Sensory issues and my APD both frustrate me equally, anxiety, depression and social ineptness are the unfortunate and frequent byproducts.

Uh, I must say, the worse part of having my disability is the fact that I look stupid and/or weird when I go out in public places, and constantly give off vibes to make people stare, laugh or tease. It's something I can't even work on, or improve, or prevent, because whatever I do to better myself, I still apparently get people's attention. I walk up straight, wear fashionable clothes, wear expensive boots, have a trendy handbag over my shoulder, have my hair straightened, and put perfume on. I do the best I can to look nice and ordinary, and I still can't seem to stop the vibes. I even put a happy expression on my face, and I never do anything other people wouldn't do, like flap my hands about or pace about or anything. I stand and walk naturally, like everyone else.

HOW CAN I STOP THESE f*****g STUPID VIBES FROM ATTRACTING PEOPLE'S ATTENTION!

If only there was a way!

It's hard to choose. The anxiety and executive dysfunction were the first things to come to mind in response to this question. I suppose that is the worst part of probably having AS for me.
However, that is far from being my only AS related source of distress and frustration. The difficulties with communication are a close second to those.
My sensory issues also cause me a significant amount of trouble, particularly my vestibular and proprioceptive difficulties.
The obsessiveness is a mixed bag. On one hand, I tend to enjoy immersing myself in a special interest, provided said interest is accessible to me (which is not always the case). On the other hand, when I become mentally "stuck" on some fear or worry, that is far from pleasant. That leads me right back to the anxiety that earned a place at the top of my list.
The obsessive rituals and routines also cause me some trouble, the least if which is that they are time consuming. They affect me in other ways as well.
Just yesterday, my therapist was telling me that I'm one of the most resistant patients she has ever encountered. Apparently, I'm pretty extreme in my unwillingness to make any changes that could potentially improve my quality of life. The trouble is, it's extremely difficult for me to incorporate anything new into my routine, or to make any changes that would vary the rhythm of my life in any way. For that reason, I'm pretty much stuck at this highly dysfunctional place in my life, unable to move forward. As I said, that's not even the worst part.
Additionally, I can completely understand why ASDs are considered "pervasive developmental disorders." This really does impair me in every area of my life. Everything is a struggle for me, Thus I wind up having to put forth far more effort than other people , yet I seem to accomplish far less. For that reason, I'm tired *all* the time, and often exhausted.
This condition causes me many difficulties in many areas of my life. I'm not even factoring in my numerous difficulties resulting from that various comorbids I have. I could write another novel length post about those, but I won't.

The top of my list:

Sensory difficulties. With these being triggered at work by lights, bright colors, and sound, I have trouble doing what I really need to do. I want to get into shape but I'm too mentally tired to reallly want to exercise. I just sit at a computer all day to 'detoxify.' It's annoying.

For me, definitely the face blindness. It drives me crazy.

Social awkwardness and having no friends/being alone all the time. I like solitude, but not all the time. Loneliness is terrible!

Communication and reading. I also have sensory issues with my hearing.

Nothing has proven to be more hell for me in regards to this condition than having to deal with how people respond to the autistic self that I cannot control.

Pretty much everything ranging from the constant "why are you so quiet?" or "smile more" teasing...to the angry complaints about my anti-social "rudeness"...to being laughed at for my poor speech and personal presentation...to getting yelled at by family for not wanting to interact...just getting judged harshly for things that always came natural and normal to me only to find out the hard way that it's not normal and unacceptable at all.

I can deal with all the other negative aspects of having an ASD (stimming, sensory issues), but is it no wonder why I've come to hate being seen and known by people so much more than ever before?

1) Being completely obessive over being social, friends, issues with friends, etc. But this heavily ties into my social anxiety. It can be rather hard to untangle my facets of my aspergers from my social anxiety. This obessiveness has seriously caused the most problems in my life then aspergers alone would have.

2) Lacking social intuition basically I have the social intuition of a 12 yr old.

I think the sensory issues come next. I only have sensory issues in my ears - which is awful because you really can't avoid loud noises unless you go around with your fingers in your ears all the time, or with earplugs in - and I don't like people staring at me and ridicule, without trying to encourage it!!
At least with bright lights you can put on sunglasses, which is more acceptable.
I'm the opposite with bright lights - I can't cope in a dim lit room. I hate it! I just have to get up and turn the light on, and if it's a dim light I panic. I like bright sunny days, bright rooms, florescent lights, flashing lights (relaxes me!), and any other light.

Apparently most Aspies don't like being touched, but I do. Well, I don't think anything of it really. If somebody puts their hand on my shoulder or arm or whatever, I take no notice. I just smile and carry on with what I was doing, and forget I was ever touched. And I love it when people cuddle me - also I love it when people play with my hair. Oooohhhh, that is such a wonderful feeling!

But with the sensitive ears - I'd do anything to have this changed.

I might say all my symptoms in order, starting from the worst to the best (not best as in best, because I don't like having any, but you know what I mean).

1. Seem to have something what makes people out in public think I’m weird, even though I don’t know what it is OR feeling extremely self-conscious of myself, yet clueless of how to keep my cool (which explains the weird glares and stares)

2. Sensory issues with sound/phobia of loud sudden noise

3. Frequent outbursts

4. Very low self-esteem/confidence

5. Difficulty to socialise

6. Obsessions, special enjoyments what I let take over my life

7. Angry/depressed feelings inside me a lot of the time

8. Mood swings (not sure if this is an Aspie trait or not, but I am moody most of the time, as in can't be bothered to smile)

9. Immaturity

10. Difficulty adapting to change

11. Selective memory

The most disabling condition I've got is HAD (high anxiety disorder), but I don't know whether to associate this disorder with the AS/Dyspraxia or not, since I've read somewhere on WP that high level of anxiety is not the most common in Aspies.

If there was a special cure what could only cure 3 AS symptoms, I think I would choose the first 3 on the list. I want to at least go out looking cool by intuition, instead of using up all my energy to look cool. I want to at least not be frightened by motorbikes, smoke alarms, car horns, sirens, kids screaming, and dogs barking - this will take a strain off my state of mind. And lastly, I want to at least not have these frequent outbursts what upset my family and make the neighbours think I'm weird. The reasons why I would choose those 3 is because they are the most unique to NTs. The rest of the symptoms can be seen sometimes in NTs. Some NTs can have low self-esteem, be shy in social situations, have special interests what take over (eg, my NT dad is so obsessed over football that he takes time off work when his favourite team are playing!), can get angry, have mood swings, can be immature, and have a selective memory. About the routine change thing - often I see NTs moaning because their shift hours have suddenly changed or they've got to get up early one day for some reason, ect. But with the outbursts, extreme irritation of loud noise, and the inability to act cool naturally are not what NTs exhibit, and so they have no understanding of how I feel when suffering these symptoms. Plus I think that if I didn't have these 3, I know it will take a lot of anxiety off my shoulders. I know it.