Aspergers and overprotective parents

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How did people who had Aspergers back in the day before diagnosis deal with life. It seems that there is high rate among those who are on the high end of the spectrum (at least the studies show). I'm not trying to bash people here, but does it seem that when kids get a diagnosis for Aspergers, mothers tend to become overprotective of these kids because they are labeled as being disabled. With so many helicopter parents, I think that parents of kids with Asperger's will excuse behavior and not really bother to teach the kids what is appropriate socially because of the disorder. I am not saying that autism spectrum disorders are fake, but it seems to many people who are socially inept get a label nowadays and are not given strict parenting in terms of social rules.

Strict traditional parenting doesn't work with ASD kids, so it's sort of unclear even now - since it's still a new diagnosis - what does work, parents just need to try what feels best, there's no perfect rulebook to parenting an ASD kid.

My mum was overprotective of me even when I wasn't diagnosed.

I know some parents with autistic/AS children and even though they might be protective they still try to teach them appropriate social skills. They pay a tonne for therapy so it's not like they are excusing the behaviour.

my mom is ridiculously overprotective... which is sometimes nice and sometimes not so much XP

Before I was diagnosed, I was teased and bullied, mom used to tell me if I don't do this or that, kids won't tease me and kids won't run away from me. She also used to get mad at me for getting obsessed and talking about the same things over and over so I was made to be ashamed of them. But back then I didn't know either and just assumed it was all normal. Also she used to get mad at me for acting like a "two year old" or like a "three year old" because I wasn't acting my own age. But I still went to a special school when I was 3-5 and then I was in special ed full time when I was six and seven but my parents got me out of there when I was eight and put me in a regular classroom in my new school. Mom also used to take away my obsessions but I always thought of them in my head. She couldn't remove them or stop them. Plus she never took away the merchandise either nor ban me from using them so my obsession was still there.
I also went to speech therapy as a kid so I learned some communicative skills there like saying someone's name before you talk to them, look at them, staying on topic, and turn taking. I also had to work on my stuttering and taking breaths between each sentences. Mom actually had me take voice class for that. She also had me do gymnastics to help with my coordination. But she always consulted me about it and I always did it, she also had me take pottery and I did it. It was to help with my motor skills or whatever. Mom treated me normal as possible than disabled or disability. She didn't want me to feel "broken" and have me think I had something wrong with me and feel bad about myself. I also did occupational therapy starting at age 11 when my mom realized I needed it.

Then by the time I was 12, I hated my obsessions so much I wanted to get them out of my head but didn't know how because I was made to be ashamed of them. Mom didn't like them and would get mad at me for it so I wanted it out of my head. I also realized I didn't know how I was supposed to act and how do 6th graders act. But back in 4th grade I just started to copy others and started to listen to people when they tell me what I said or did was rude. I wanted to be liked and have lot of friend and get rid of all these labels kids had on me. I also started to do what other kids tell me to do during group projects and let them be the herd and I just do as they say while I just sit there. So I already was finding ways to start coping in life to make things easier for me.

Then in 6th grade I was diagnosed with the right label. Mom stopped getting mad at me and stopped taking away my obsessions but she still didn't want to hear about it. If it was something new, she didn't mind and then she pull the plug on it. Now I don't talk about it anymore, nothing with her. Not with anyone.

Oh and my mom seemed a little protective of me but she says she never held me back but it felt like she did because she wouldn't let me go on the honor roll trip or get a job or even leave school property during lunch time.

aside from going to school, i wasn't allowed out of sight of the house until i was in my teens.

Oh yeah my mum always used to discourage me about working. When I was sixteen I was thinking about getting a job and she said I was too young. Then from 18-23 she would say any job I applied for I wasn't qualified enough for or I wouldn't do very well. Sometimes even yelling at me for applying. Now she wonders why I'm still unemployed. You don't just decide when someone is ready to work. You make them start when they are young so they build up enough experience.
She puts the pressure on me to socialise now and never when I was younger. I never got told to act normal back then (maybe because I was beyond weird) but I get told it now. Never in an encouraging way too.

My mom was overprotective before finding out I had Aspergers and still is. She's even afraid of me being abducted these days or lured in to some sickos place. She was protective of my two older siblings, but more so of me since I was diagnosed at 6 with being developmentally delayed.

With that said, I was still taught to respect others and minded my manners, regardless of being "disabled".

I had a protective mother and an abusive father. I wouldn't describe my mother as close to a "helicopter parent," however. I wasn't diagnosed because I didn't have any obvious speech delays, was classified as gifted, and AS did not exist as a recognized diagnosis in the US until I was 25 years old.

I did learn a lot of what is socially appropriate through observation and imitation, not because anyone took great effort to teach me - since I was pretty quiet and passive, I was generally just treated as if I was well-behaved, so in a lot of ways I was on my own when it came to working things out, which meant, over time, that I made a lot of mistakes as an adult.

I am not sure this theory holds together, though. I have seen it suggested that those who went undiagnosed as children were forced by necessity to function better and that isn't true of many of us. You can't trace our problems back to nothing more than upbringing. We can't all be Temple Grandin.

I am not sure about people who are "socially inept" being overdiagnosed as autistic, and I suspect it is more likely that people who are obviously autistic are not being diagnosed because they don't look stereotypically autistic.

My mother wasn't over protective.

For the latter part of my childhood I generally cooked my own meals, was responsible for doing my own laundry and didn't have much in the way of supervision....

And wouldn't you know it I walked around in dirty clothes all the time and simultaneously starved to death, caught the house on fire and got lost outside....that was sarcasm for those of you who didn't catch it.

My parents weren't over protective, they had other things to worry about, and I got along just fine.

My father alternated between being highly abusive, overprotective, intrusive, and completely indifferent. His behavior tended to be extreme something. I'm pretty sure he had some sort of personality disorder.

My mother was absent much of the time, and when she was around, she was mentally so involved in her own things, that she didn't notice much about what I was doing. I suspect that she is an Aspie herself.

My mother certainly was not overprotective. She certainly would defend me when someone else was in the wrong but when I was, I was treated like any other kid (this was in the 80s primarily). She did encourage me to work and actually move on my own (much to the chagrin of many others, including my teachers who thought she was not being protective enough). However, she refused to take away and actually encourages my obsessions.

My mother (whom I love dearly) was very overprotective of me physically much to my annoyance. Wouldn't let me play any contact sports for fear that I would have been broken in half. And to this day, she is way overconcerned about my physical well-being ... although to her defense I do lead a fairly high-risk life (rebellion, perhaps).

Psychologically ... hooboy. If she or anyone had any idea whatsoever that I was an Aspie or even knew what an Aspie was, my childhood would have been completely different. She would have probably put me in a bubble and kept the world away from me. But as it turned out, I was treated like any other kid and forced to adapt and adjust. The skills I learned in childhood helped me as an adult making my way through an NT world. So good on ya, Mom.

I don't think you have to have been diagnosed to have an overprotective parent, after all your parent will know that there is SOMETHING different about you and so you may need additional protection against the many difficulties of life.

My mother was very overprotective, she blamed my 'issues' on my father having been possessive - her being overly protective certainly did me more harm than good, and harmed our relationship. I remember when I didn't speak she spoke for me, she chose what I was or was not capable of, etc. which made me very mad and which meant I didn't have my own voice or did anything I wanted, and I never had a chance to be able to push myself in certain areas, and in those areas where I was able to push myself my achievements had to be hidden from my mother. There were areas where I was left to my own devices, such as bullying - I was never told I had to join-in with other kids or learn how to act a certain way, my mother always encouraged me to just get on with it and sods to anyone who had a problem with me.

If I had been diagnosed I'd actually imagine she may have been less protective, she may have pushed me more, and she would have fought to have gotten me correct support rather than the half-arsed attempts at learning support I had as a kid.