Distinguishing between fake vs. real criticism

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I heart this whole thread massively. It is incredibly true, and one of the most awful aspects (for me) about being on the spectrum.

I've never really been able to trust my gut, because I spent a lot of time hearing about all the social errors I made, how I didn't seem to judge people right, how I would inadvertently offend people - and as a result, it made me really vulnerable to people who did not have my best interests at heart. This really drove itself home last year when I got involved with my boss, and because I didn't trust my own judgment and had spent so much time listening to people who thought I just needed to "loosen up" or "be open to love," it was way too easy to rationalize away some pretty serious red flags. Things ended disastrously, but that and a few other experiences have taught me that I have to start tapping into and paying attention to my horribly demeaned and very whispery intuition.

The flipside of this, I found, was patronizing or empty platitudes - fake encouragement/advice designed to steer me away from standing up for myself, challenging bad situations, or forwarding some ulterior motive. Sorting through the mess of what's real and what's fake makes my brain ache.

I've tried using a more "confrontational" tactic by asking the person "well, do you have any evidence of THAT??" or "I'm skeptical, can you give me an example or show me proof?" - these types of questions usually got me either a) ridicule or chuckles, b) threats like are you calling me a liar?? or c) "ah, just forget it, there's no hope for you" type of responses.

And after that reaction, I still don't know if they were trying to give me genuine, well-intended criticism, or they were just trying to push my buttons. I usually think they fall into the malicious camp, b/c if they saw I was struggling with sensory-perceptive faculties and my reaction was just a natural defense (nothing personal against you, pal), then they might have substantiated their comments.

I know but if people at work tell me that I should get the hell out of the trade and just go ahead and collect disability should I care about their response ? I mean let them think I am calling them a liar because if they have a medical degree that can accurately diagnose my condition and my limitations then what are they doing working on a construction job? And this stuff about that I have no hope? What are these critics are they God? I think a lot of the time these people are just acting plain stupid and are just trying to make me wrong no mater what I do. They say that I don't act social or look people in the eye but when I try to talk or give a presentation at work they turn their backs against me in arrogance.

THIS says a lot...a very astute comment...it underscores the tendency of humankind to "collect" evidence that validates what they want to believe, even if it means fabricating, distorting, or exaggerating the evidence. I've been subject to it myself, even had my strengths torn down by a boss who said that she was "testing my logic" when she the test was ostensibly set up for me to fail no matter what I did. Conclusion: She apparently wanted to believe I was a total ret*d because in her mind, she could not reconcile my high vocabulary, analytical abilities & logic with my read-between-the-lines flaws with people.

This hypocritical behaviour you describe re: turning their backs when you speak, I would definitely qualify as "mobbing" or mass bullying. It's an angry mob using passive-aggressive behaviour against a target who is outcast for distorted reasons. I've dealt with it too, where I heard through the grapevine several years ago that one individual said that whenever he got an email from me, he'd just ignore it. I got the impression a couple of other folks in his gossip circle got sucked in by his propaganda. But I was well respected from other colleagues, who were enlightened enough not to take the attitude that "we don't want their kind in the office".

What a neurotypical wants to believe is exactly the same as whatever the prevailing consensus is. So yes the neurotypical will gather whatever evidence he can to support his position and ignore any evidence to the contrary. The situation in which my boss turned his back at me during my presentation happened to me while working at a hospital. At that time I was advocating robot technology to help the severely disabled who were confined to wheelchairs. Unfortunately while robotic technology is accepted in order to improve the lives of soldiers wounded in combat the technology is not accepted for the regular civillian population. This is because there is a consensus that since soldiers are heroes they deserve the very best that technology has to offer but regular civillians are undeserving of very costly robotic technology.

Ironically there simply are not enough wounded soldiers for any company to justify the mass production of robot technology so if the wounded soldiers are to be helped the technology has to be made available to everyone.

So all I got was a bunch of lame excuses as to why robotic technology would not work. And since I was the only one holding the opinion that robotic technology could be beneficial I was of course wrong and mentally ill.