transgendered ---> transitioning = better socially?

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My parents are sure that I'm not truly transgendered and that by taking testosterone and transitioning I am making the hugest mistake of my life.

I've noticed that I've had an easier time socially since starting transition, though.

Testosterone has done nothing to make fluorescent lights hurt less, or clothing tags not so bothersome, but I spent last school year trying to be a girl because I thought that's what I had to do and I didn't make a single friend. I was alone and unhappy and lonely all year.

This year I started presenting as male and made some friends. I told them I was trans and they remained my friends. They're all in a higher year at university than I am, but we're friends and they want to hang out with me. They support me when my parents are crappy, and they aren't turned away by my faults.

I feel like now that I'm finally presenting as my real self, I can socialize better. I still have no idea what I'm doing, and I still sometimes throw in inappropriate facts in the lulls instead of participating in the back and forth of conversation with people, and I still hate making eye contact, but as one of my friends put it, "you're not as awkward as you think you are."

I think transitioning has helped the social phobia aspect of myself. I want to engage more, I want company, I want to meet people, and I want to talk with them. That's the biggest change transitioning has done for me.

Does that make sense?

Honestly, if you're going FtM, I think you might have better luck with the expectations people have for your social skills. Men are given much more slack in this department, I think. Best of luck, and ((hugs)).

I think maybe your parents are still getting used to the idea that the person they thought was a girl is actually a guy--their mental image is going to take some adjusting before it settles in properly.

But, y'know, I bet feeling more comfortable with who you are, rather than having to act like a gender you aren't, is probably really beneficial for you. It probably takes a load off your mind, and lets you spend more energy on communicating and getting to know people.

It's got to be a little like what happens to a lot of us when we stop trying to pretend to be NTs and just start communicating on our own terms. It's just so much easier not to have to keep up your guard all the time--that's a great way to get neurotic!

I'm glad your friends are OK with your being transgendered. They sound like really decent people.

WOW Dots,

I hope you didn't expect testosterone, of all things, to get rid of SPD or autism problems. It won't. And men are generally understanding of how women think differently. Women are less so. Just compare Jeff Fox worthy to Rosanne Barr. Jeff is like "She thinks like this, and I must compromise, etc..." Rosanne is like "He is a stupid lazy good for nothing, etc.....". Heck, you could look at kevin james, or almost any other male. How about what seems to be the very PREMISE of "sex in the city"? So I doubt males have that eaasier. But if you REALLY feel comfortable feeling male, etc..., then I could see how you could feel better socially.

Good luck.

Good luck with your effort.

Just a caveat: Every transgendered individual I've met (5 MtF; 2 FtM) has been easy to spot, and they get easier to spot each time. There is always some tell-tale behavioral quirk that gives them away, and it usually concerns communication. For example, the FtMs spoke in a passive voice ("I'm not fat, am I?"), just like original women; while the MtFs were brutally honest ("Yes, you're fat"), just like original men.

Take acting classes if you want to avoid being 'outed' by strangers.

Dots, sounds excellent.

Your experience makes a lot of sense. Transitioning allows you the social role that you know is right for you.

Your parents may be worried about you, but hopefully they'll come around. And as far as it goes, you know you better than anyone else. Hope things continue to go well for you.

Being comfortable in your own skin always helps social problems. One day, I hope to be more comfortable with the fact that I was born female. I keep hoping doing male things will lessen the frustration, but so far it hasn't.

2ukenkerl, I'm not expecting testosterone to get rid of my problems. The doctor made sure I wasn't just looking for a quick fix before he prescribed it to me. I understand the enormity of what I'm doing, and I don't believe that any one gender has it better than the other. They all have their own problems.

Fnord, I went to school for theatre for a little while, though I was presenting as female at the time. I don't mind if I'm easy to spot as a trans person. If I give myself away by acting slightly female, then it happens. I'm going through these changes to make myself more comfortable in my body, not to make other people treat me differently. Though I do want to be taken as male, I care less whether strangers that don't know treat me as male. My friends will treat me as male and that's what counts for me.

And to everyone else, thanks. The biggest change I've noticed is in my desire to actually seek out interaction. I just rented a room in a house with people I don't even know, just because living alone has been too hard for me.

Maybe this will be a little offensive, I don't know. I hope not. It isn't meant that way, anyhow.

But I don't think that it is necessarily a bad thing that trans people don't pass perfectly, most of the time. I think I would rather have it be known that they were trans, and have it be something that people knew about and accepted, instead of hiding it like it was some horrible shameful secret. I'm only coming from the experience of passing as NT, instead of passing as one gender or the other; but from that perspective, it was always harder in general when I was trying to get people to think I was NT, than when I was trying to communicate with NTs who knew I was autistic.

Don't get me wrong; I know that it can be dangerous to be known as transgendered, because people bully you. But... at least it's honest. You don't have to hide.

Anyway, I'm a bit faceblind and sometimes I can't really tell people's gender perfectly, especially if they are thin and flat-chested, because that could be either one. The worst awkwardness I have ever had out of that is having to ask someone's name to figure out if they are male or female, or waiting around to see which bathroom they use. I don't see that this is such a horrible thing to live with for me, nor should it be for anybody else. I mean, pronoun confusion isn't the end of the world, right? And anyhow, there are people who are neither gender, and we're going to have to learn to figure out which pronouns to use for them, too, so I guess we're just all going to eventually have to deal with the fact that people don't drop all that neatly into two little male-and-female boxes.

So yea... I don't think it's that bad not to pass perfectly. Really I don't. But like I said, I'm not trans myself, so I don't know everything about it.

Depending on the context, a transgender person not being gendered correctly can mean anything from moral support to condescension to harassment to outright violence.

Where being seen as NT can erase our difficulties, for a transgender person, being seen as trans and gendered incorrectly can erase their identity.

Best of luck Dots and I am so glad you were able to make friends that know your trans, because I know how ignorant some people can be, as far as the whole Transgender thing goes, I have always been curious about the process, I guess it has to do with the fact that I have an obsession over movies, games, toys, etc that have the ability to morph or change shape and what not, also it maybe that whenever I see Trans I think Transformer lol, Not trying to be rude xD, Have fun being male .

Best of luck to you. Most of all, stay safe! There is still a lot of prejudice in the world today. I'm glad that you've found some guy friends that accept you as you!

Your caveat has a slight flaw: how do you know that you have not met many, many more transgender people that you simply did not realise were transgender because they 'pass' perfectly as their acquired gender?

LOL... good point. Maybe we have.

I wonder how many more there are that I just can't tell, too.

And whether it's placebo effect or whatever, I have been noticeably more desiring of social interaction since I started testosterone. I actually want to hang out with people. Prior to this, I felt lonely but really didn't want to spend time with people. It feels really different.

That may be so of NTs, but what about aspie transfolk? As aspies do tend to be more blunt and forthright, I imagine an aspie would be more likely to go with the "yes you're fat" line, just because of our lack of social graces. Thus, that may be read as a "male" trait to observing NTs.

Am interested in this subject being trans myself - and Dots, there was another aspect of the social thing I meant to mention to you that may (possibly) be adding to the new ease in social situations. If your interests are, like mine, predominantly male, others (usually guys, as many share more male-oriented interests) will be uncomfortable with you acting and behaving male while you look female. But if you're appearing male and acting like one, it fits with their ideas about gender, and they respond better. Example - I was at firearms training recently, and was the only female-bodied person there. The rest of the class were men. They treated me very differently then they did each other, even though I have had more experience with firearms than any of them. They chatted away to each other, but when I tried to talk to them, they were suddenly awkward stripping weapons with a "woman." I was unsure if this was normal unease around aspies, or if it was because of the way my body looks right now. Just a thought.