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Krevency
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25 May 2011, 9:35 am

How many people here are in a relationship with another individual that's a diagnosed or suspected aspie?

I believe, in a general sense, that if two people's strengths and weaknesses compliment each other in a relationship, you end up with a duo that's capable of a lot more. Of course issues do come up,

One aspie one non:
"Do you want to come to this party?"
"You really need to ask?"

but two people with similar difficulties may collectively stall on responsibilities that may seem simpler to one person in a more opposites-attract relationship.

Two aspies:
"Did you talk to the neighbors yet?"
"I thought you were going to do it."

Two notes:
1. I know I'm making a lot of generalizations. Of course aspies are not carbon-copies of each other
2. I understand that I'm speculating, rather than speaking from experience

Thoughts?


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ToughDiamond
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25 May 2011, 10:13 am

I guess complementary traits could help create a very functional couple. Of course they'd need some social intelligence to notice their respective strengths and weaknesses and to manage the mutual assistance thing.



Tsukimi
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25 May 2011, 10:25 am

As long as both are able to cope decently, i.e. do not need a caregiver but simply a partner, is better to be similar, so you don't clash because one needs to be alone and the other is frustrated, or one wants to go out and the other is overloaded... A quiet NT might work as well, though. A full blown NT is out of question.



Krevency
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25 May 2011, 10:48 am

Tsukimi wrote:
A quiet NT might work as well, though. A full blown NT is out of question.


This seems a little extreme to me. I call into question the definition of a "full-blown" NT. NT individuals aren't carbon-copies of each other, and I'm sure one can be quiet, and be entirely "full-blown."

An aspie with someone who's "full-blown NT" being out of the question also assumes that this doesn't exist, and that there are no existing long-term relationships built like this.

I think "unlikely" would be more accurate than "out of the question."


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Carotene
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25 May 2011, 10:57 am

Krevency wrote:
Tsukimi wrote:
A quiet NT might work as well, though. A full blown NT is out of question.


This seems a little extreme to me. I call into question the definition of a "full-blown" NT. NT individuals aren't carbon-copies of each other, and I'm sure one can be quiet, and be entirely "full-blown."

An aspie with someone who's "full-blown NT" being out of the question also assumes that this doesn't exist, and that there are no existing long-term relationships built like this.

I think "unlikely" would be more accurate than "out of the question."


In my case, I know it's out of the question. I could never be with someone who would constantly want to go out and do things. I rarely leave my home. I only leave to go to the grocery store, to exercise in the morning, or to go up to China Town to meet up with my friend (I only meet up, then I come back home and we hang out there).

Unlikely overall for aspies, but likely to be out of the question for many, as well. I was in a relationship with someone who wanted to go out, and it wasn't even that frequently. She was more of a "quiet" NT, as well. It just didn't work out.



Tsukimi
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25 May 2011, 11:03 am

Krevency wrote:
Tsukimi wrote:
A quiet NT might work as well, though. A full blown NT is out of question.


This seems a little extreme to me. I call into question the definition of a "full-blown" NT. NT individuals aren't carbon-copies of each other, and I'm sure one can be quiet, and be entirely "full-blown."

An aspie with someone who's "full-blown NT" being out of the question also assumes that this doesn't exist, and that there are no existing long-term relationships built like this.

I think "unlikely" would be more accurate than "out of the question."


Okay, I should have said "a very extroverted NT" or something like that. Anyway I was seaking for myself only, since even though I do get out of my home, I get along really better with the nerdy types... Just talking about what I like. I don't doubt that for someone it might be different; I've heard several Aspies saying they wanted someone who were their opposite to "compensate"; there is no "right/wrong" here, just what you hope for yourself/what works.



Krevency
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25 May 2011, 11:42 am

(note: I'm undiagnosed, so I suppose there's a chance my story isn't relevant)

I get along with nerdy types, but am more attracted to women with very strong personalities, and this shows through in my fiction. The woman I'm with now is very extroverted.

I'm similar to above posters in that I rarely want to leave the house, other than going to the grocery store, just to get away from these four walls, and to get fresh air. My fiance likes to party, and she likes to go to bars, but she knows that I don't enjoy it, and I stay home while she goes and plays. I sometimes fear that she'll be upset I'm not participating. She claims to mostly fear that I will feel left out. I don't feel left out, though. I love her to death, but I enjoy having the house to myself, while she's enjoying being out and about.

It's also an issue of trust. How often can a more outgoing partner go out before you get suspicious. So far this has not been an issue between us.


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CockneyRebel
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25 May 2011, 12:50 pm

Dating sites aren't my thing.


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