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Zexion
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28 May 2011, 11:58 am

What do you say when someone accuses you of staring? I sometimes stare at people and I have been asked why I do that and I've been told to stop doing it, even by my dad.

I'm working on this and I've been staring less, but I was wondering what you do when someone complains about you having stared at them. Is there something funny that I could reply in situations like that?



Dessie
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28 May 2011, 1:25 pm

Zexion wrote:
What do you say when someone accuses you of staring? I sometimes stare at people and I have been asked why I do that and I've been told to stop doing it, even by my dad.

I'm working on this and I've been staring less, but I was wondering what you do when someone complains about you having stared at them. Is there something funny that I could reply in situations like that?


I can't think of anything funny you could say in that situation and it would probably be a bad idea for me to suggest any jokes at all (my jokes are usually taken the wrong way somehow and I end up offending the other person unintentionally).

When I get accused of staring I kind of just look away and say "sorry." If they ask why I was staring at them I say I was thinking about something else and didn't even realize it (thats usually the truth too).



Zexion
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28 May 2011, 2:25 pm

Thanks for your reply.



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28 May 2011, 4:43 pm

Just try to find something to use as a compliment. If someone approaches you with a complaint about staring, you can say something like "I just thought your t-shirt was really funny and I was trying to read it." You can also compliment their hair, shoes, tattoo, or anything else about them that's even slightly unusual. A little tip: people (especially girls) love when you comment on their tattoos and/or jewelery. Even if you don't really mean it, you'll make them feel comfortable around you.


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28 May 2011, 5:57 pm

I do this frequently, and it is never intentional. In the past I used to say 'I don't know' if someone asked me why I'd been staring at them, because that's the truth. Now I've learned to say 'I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was staring, I must have been miles away!' and make a huge effort at a winning smile. This usually works, and I spend the next few minutes trying to concentrate on looking at my feet...until there's another visual distraction... :roll:



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28 May 2011, 6:29 pm

When I was in elementary school I would stare at people all the time without realizing I was doing it and always got in fights with people over it.

Now when I accidentally stare at someone, I just avoid looking at them after I realize I'm doing it, totally look in the other direction and ignore that they're there. Not a great way to deal with it, I know, but I'm not sure how else to. No one has asked me about it since I was little.



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28 May 2011, 7:21 pm

It's kind of funny... dogs get extremely agitated when you stare at them. It's a threat display in dog language. WHY would humans have the same reaction? I mean, people who seek popularity and fame must short circuit that reaction somehow. Or, maybe thats the reason so many turn to drugs, alcohol and risky behavior choices. Their inability to disengage that stress reaction to the 'threat' of staring, being constantly watched.



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28 May 2011, 8:13 pm

When I stare at someone, I'm usually off in my own little world. Oftentimes I'm not aware that I'm staring at another person until they ask me why they're being stared at. At that time I'll tell them that I wasn't intentionally staring at them, and I'm sorry if they are in any way offended.



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28 May 2011, 8:49 pm

Kids used to ask me in second grade "Who are you staring at?" but I think that was a fad that was going around in my school because I can remember seeing other kids get asked it too. I couldn't answer it because I didn't understand.

But no one has accused me of staring since middle school. When I stare I avoid looking at people so that way they won't think I am staring at them.

I remember when I was ten, my family and I were eating at Pizza Hut and there was this guy sitting at another table across from ours. He kept staring at me and nodding his head and I got upset because I thought he was staring at me and making fun of me and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Paranoia I was having because of kids at my school so I assumed he was making fun of me too. But mom told me he probably doesn't notice me and he has problems and his family takes him out to places than leaving him at home which is special of them. I felt better.
Now I realize if the guy could have been autistic.



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28 May 2011, 8:56 pm

I would say: "so I was staring. Big woop - want to fight about it?"

I tend to stare more at things than people though. It really doesn't bother me. I see more detail in objects than most people and appreciate their construction.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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28 May 2011, 9:01 pm

That's a good response when people call others on staring. Just say "I did it, so what." It's not like it's a major deal.



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28 May 2011, 9:42 pm

i usually say "i wasnt staring at you i was staring through you" but im not sure thats the correct response...



Zexion
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29 May 2011, 7:09 am

Thanks for all the replies.



evo
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16 May 2013, 3:46 pm

draelynn wrote:
It's kind of funny... dogs get extremely agitated when you stare at them. It's a threat display in dog language. WHY would humans have the same reaction? I mean, people who seek popularity and fame must short circuit that reaction somehow. Or, maybe thats the reason so many turn to drugs, alcohol and risky behavior choices. Their inability to disengage that stress reaction to the 'threat' of staring, being constantly watched.


The same reaction exists in most, if not all, hominids. Ask yourself what is your intent by staring. An interest in a person as an object rather than as a person? People pick up on that treatment and recognize it as being rude. In the wrong neighborhood, it can get you shot. So if you think violating society's codes are funny, you might want to rethink that with your analytic brain of yours and weigh the consequences.



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16 May 2013, 4:01 pm

Staring and keeping sustained eye contact is a challenge or threatening behaviour for most animals, including primates.

A subordinate Chimpanzee will put it's hand into the mouth of a dominant animal while looking at the ground.



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16 May 2013, 5:52 pm

My experience is that a civilized person usually tries to smile and say hi when he/she feels stared at, so that it's less uncomfortable, while a less civilized person usually says something like "What are you staring at me for!?" in an aggressive way in such a situation, considering a potential fight. The latter is a more animal-like response.

In both cases, though, I think there is a sense of threat. How one deals with the perceived threat varies greatly depending on his/her personality. There have been times when I was kind of accused of staring when I wasn't even aware that there was someone there. The civilized ones don't "accuse" you, but simply try to smile and greet to dispel the discomfort. With the less civilized ones, I simply tell them that I was looking at something else, not them. I guess it happens because of my lack of awareness of my surroundings.