Would you pass on Autism to your child if you could choose?

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Hello all. Nice to meet you.

I'm not diagnosed. My psychologist thinks I'm autistic and wants to diagnose me. I haven't decided if I want to yet.

I was a bit unsure as to where to post this, at first I thought I'd put it in the LGBT-forum, but I don't feel that is what this is about. Feel free to move it if I'm wrong.

I'm a girl and I have a wonderful NT girlfriend. (not that I care all that much about genders, I'm just simplifying here.) We're not planning to go out and get ourselves pregnant any time soon, but having children is something we talk about and most likely will do sometime in the future.

If we decide to have children and to "make them ourselves" so to say, we will have to make a choice of who of us gets pregnant. Which also means we get to chose whose genes to pass on. To me this is a really scary option. I mean, If my genes are autistic, I'm might be choosing autism for my child.

Now, say that she has Alzheimer's in her family. What would you choose? How about high risk of cancer? Depression?

While some selfish part of me thinks that having an autistic child is exactly what I want the most, I also remember how utterly frustrated I was about being different when I was a child and how I wished I was never born at all. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I knew my parents had known I might be like this.

Am I just putting too much thought into something that should be a "feeling"-thing? (I tend to do that.)

Should we just get a cat?

I'd very much like your opinion on this.

Oh, and please don't turn this into a discussion of whether or not gay (or autistic) people should raise children. Make your own thread if you want to discuss that. :)

No, I wouldn't, and the reason isn't because of some fear of Aspergers, but because if a son or daughter of mine could see that even though I'm quirky, that doesn't stop me from being a good person, they might be more accepting of others.

I think that you shouldn't question having a child or not merely because of the fact that ASDs are in your genes. It's not like it's a slowly-crippling, fatal disease, plus your child (assuming you have one) might not even turn out having it.

I think to be on the safe side your NT partner should be the one having the baby. Although it also depends on who wants to experience the pregnancy the most.
If it was me I'd worry about passing on my faulty genetics but at the same time I'd REALLY want to have the baby.

I would say that whoever wants to experience pregnancy the most should carry the baby. Pregnancy is strenuous on the body, and so perhaps physical shape would be a factor, and physical health.
I am in the process of being diagnosed, and we highly suspect that my husband is also an aspie. We are almost mirror images of each other in every aspect, so I can't see how he couldn't be. We are thinking that our son is also on the spectrum, but we will wait until he is older to really know.
Personally, we are so very very happy the way we are. We have our tiny family unit, and we need very little outside of it. In fact, the more outside anything, the more agitated we all become and family and home life becomes awful. I'm very thankful that we passed it on to our son, because the quality family time that we enjoy with shared special interests, it's priceless.

I don't know. I'm not a geneticist, so I can't say for certain. I don't think I would worry about it too much. There's just as great of a chance of having an autistic child as there is a future serial killer killer for a child. Well, maybe not, but do you get what I'm saying? Deciding to have children is a risk in itself, no matter what you're genes are.

If I were you then I would prefer my partner became pregnant, I have autism and a whole range of comorbids that autism can cause, though i would never want to be cured of autism, I don't think I would want my kid to go through what I've been through, they deserve a better shot at happiness.

Or another way of looking at it: if you could decide whether or not your kid became gay or not (which is impossible) what would you do? Making your child gay means you could understand each other, but it also means making there life harder.

I think if I decided to give me child autism I would be doing it for the wrong reasons and giving my child a significantly worse chance at happiness - to be frank I am a miserable person and depression is something dam near all of us have to deal with, I've thought that I'd rather a donar's sperm to my own because of how much baggage I've got.

I don't think I'd care to consciously choose either way.

I'm not really fussed about the idea because there are all kinds of things children can end up going through, and picking one thing as being too awful to be borne strikes me as pointless.

yes definitely, I want my child to know everything I know now by age 3. I had to invent everything I know over the course of 20 years, but I could teach it to an autistic child very easily. My child would have several times as much knowledge as I have when he is 20.

Welcome!


I don't think this is an LGBT issue at all, is it?


"Might." That said, it scares me, too. Between my girlfriend and me, there's not only autism but alcoholism as well. We'll be OK childless.


Can you help it? If not, then don't worry about it.


Yes! (We have four!)

>^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^<


LOL ... you are highly unlikely to get that here. Just so you know...

It's a crap shoot. How many NTs out there have had autistic children with no known family members with autism in their family? It could skip your child but effect your grandchildren? Who knows. Not everyone has that bad of a time growing up autistic. The way things are getting people will start diagnosising children earlier allowing them to get the help they need to "fit in" If I they had been diagnosing for Aspergers in 1975 when they noticed I was different they could have helped me instead of just warehousing in special education. I might have had a better life if I was shown how to fit in instead of being made to feel like an outsider. But then again woulda, shoulda, coulda. If I had a mate and a good paying job I would have a kid in a heartbeat. Who better to raise an Aspie but an Aspie who has gone through it already.

Here is an episode of The Doctors where they talk to Dr. Harvey Karp and an NT husband and Wife they have four autistic children and three NT children. They plan on having one more child to help take care of the fourth child when they are gone. Talk about crap shoot. I hope it works out for them.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAR1m8G19QM[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8qhYdtoeqM&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3ls5M0dXjs&feature=related[/youtube]

Last edited by Todesking on 03 Jun 2011, 8:34 pm, edited 4 times in total.

It's not worth seeing any child growing up with autism and being treated like crap by the rest of the world. So that's a definite no by me.

But don't let my views be a deciding a factor. Not all aspies have aspie children. You and your partner have to take everything into consideration and assessed the risks and odds of whether or not your children will inherit the condition.

I wouldn't care either way.

NT or ASD - there is a potential on both sides to have an ASD kid or an NT kid - so what?
Autism and neurotypical people are equal so an ASD kid wouldn't be worth any less than an NT kid.

If a child is autistic they may be low-functioning or have other health/neurological issues, but then an NT kid may very well end-up with problems too. Sure ASD kids face more prejudice but that's not a reason not to have an ASD kid (no more than it's a reason not to have a black kid, for example) the prejudices will likely fade by the time the ASD kid is an adult and if you are an ASD adult then you would be equipped to help the child as they grow-up.

If I was in your situation my ASD wouldn't even be a factor to be honest.
I would be looking more at health risks over possible neurological differences.

Me neither.

i would have an autistic kid. if you have a nt kid you might not be able to unerstand him.

I wouldn't base who carries the child on which genes you have. Yes, if one of you has a gene that makes a baby self-combust at the age of 2, perhaps that person shouldn't pass the genes on. But Aspergers?! There are far worse things to have than Aspergers. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy, yet if I ever have a child with autism/aspergers, I would get them the help they needed as early as possible (I was undiagnosed until adulthood). A person with autism has just as much a right to life as someone without. Who is to say that our lives aren't worth living? I would say: whoever wants to carry the child should carry the child (maybe you will both carry one someday...) Let nature take its course and be happy with whoever you are blessed with.