What things SHUT DOWN your "social" abilities?

Post Reply New Topic

I too have the problem of not being able to participate in conversations with more than one other person. But something else I've noticed, and maybe it's just me, is that I have to feel invited when interacting with others. Even if I know they probably won't mind, that kind of uncertainty makes me more uncomfortable than I can bear, so I spend almost all of my time in isolation, even from my family.

I agree that some days I can seem to blend in, I can get through conversations without much (outward) trouble, and I might even be able to accomplish something around my house. I can tell when it is going to be a good day like that, because I have a clarity in my mind that I rarely feel. Today was one of those days!
The days that are my "off days" I can't look at people in the face, I find it hard to speak more than a few words at a time. I CAN talk, it's just that if I have to use my words, I end up SNAPPING and if I'm continually talked to, it usually ends up in a meltdown. I also have trouble with concentration, motivation, I stim and space out more often and I mostly have to stay in my bed, and I have more sensory and food issues on those days. I have an extremely hard time making decisions on a good day, but I cannot even face a decision on a bad day.

Usually I am somewhere in between, and a combination of the two.

I have recognized a few factors that cause me to shut down:

Amount of sleep doesn't necessarily matter, but being tired does.
Being asked questions one after the other (even easy questions).
Having my personal space invaded and having no escape.
Being yelled at. (I tend to have inappropriate facial expressions and smiling at someone who is angry at you doesn't help matters).
My period. (I'm one of the Asperger-girls who have gender issues and this is a huge trigger for me. I guess it's why I so rapidly cycle through my good/off days).

**edited for spelling

Too many people is the big one. I went to PAX east 2011 and it was fun, but the sights, sounds and crowds were insane. I could focus on whatever new game I was interested in and block most of it out but I had to escape every so often and decompress with no one around me. There was one guy who angrily yelled at me "Nice place to stand!" and I was proud of myself for just chuckling and shrugging it off. Something like that in those circumstances could have had me responding poorly years ago.

Also I occasionally get crushes on women (I seem to average an intense crush every 6 years or so) and can't do anything about it because I turn into non-functioning mush around them. Alcohol is the only thing I've found that helps with that.

My physical condition has a direct impact on my mental health.

me too. but i got kicked out of the one at college because "muslims might need it to pray in"...

1. Women, especially ones that I'm attracted to.
2. People that are angry at me.
3. People with accents.
4. People who are authoritative/dictatorial.
5. Too many people talking together.
6. Being introduced by somebody. I hate it as I never know what to say.
7. When I have to think quickly.
8. When I'm not interested in that person (which is almost always).

For me, its when my friends start joking with me. My mind will shut down because I stop and its like I can't think of how to react back to them. My friends are the type to really joke with each other and I find myself standing there like an idiot.

Other things that will shut down my social abilities is when someone asks me anything really abstract. I start to panic and sometimes I sit there not even knowing what to do or say. It gets to the point where my mom or my dad have to ask what the question was and answer for me because my mind shuts down.

I tend to get nervous in social interactions where someone random will come up and talk to me and I'm like, 'uhhh...I... don't know... sorry..." or I make something up just to get them to go away. Without my parents around, I try hard just to ignore people around me by listening to music. If I don't know who the person is then it becomes harder for me to socialize, especially when they are talking to me and I don't know what they want for an answer.

I always have to have my music in my ears to block people out so they don't come to me asking me things. I also get upset about negative reactions, like one time we had to get a new laptop because my other one stopped working. The guy was making me uncomfortable and saying in a rude way about how I could have downloaded a virus on my laptop and it did that and I stood there saying. "but I didn't..." and he kept going on about it until I crouched on the ground and screamed, almost crying. My mom had to tell him... not really tell him off but to just mention me having autism and whatever... and he finally stopped. >____<

Things like that kind of bother me because I get nervous and don't know how to react. If I get too frustrated then I meltdown and I feel like trying to escape into a place where I'm not even on this planet. NTs alone can make me really uncomfortable to the point where the only way I ever get anywhere with them is melting down so they will back off. >>;

If there are big crowds around, or I'm talking to more than one person, I walk away because I find it harder to talk about what others do. I get ignored a lot and I don't know how to join in. Other times, I don't like the noise of excessive chatter so I shut down and move off to a place where I'm not seen.

I always have to have my music with me to prevent any sort of meltdown from happening, as well as my Axel plushie and my scarfy with me to give me more comfort. Otherwise, I just melt right down in social situations if I'm being pressured with too many things at once, it can cause me to even cover my ears and become overly distressed.

Too many people. 2 maximum, as long as I know them. 1 maximum if I don't. Scary people like doctors or teachers talking to me. Trying to argue with people who don't even understand the argument. When people change my plans. grr.

Things to help. I sit on my own with my horse and just watch him. No talking to people. Sometimes people will walk past but they tend to ignore me by now.

What shuts me down?
-Two or more people speaking to me at once - I just can't process that much at once.
-Personal questions. If I answer at all, it's as though I'm speaking of some third person I have no emotional investment in.
-Disorder - not at home, but at work, where everything needs to be just so for me to operate.

AND

-WrongPlanet. Too much time here, immersed in my AS tendencies, and operation in the outside world becomes more difficult - I am not in that mode and do not want to shift back to "speaking NT".

Definitely everything here except for the accents. Well, maybe if it's hard to understand, but for the most part accents don't really bother me.

* Downtime in a quiet place
* Privacy as needed
* Confidence - I am definitely more socially functional (if not more socially adept) if I feel comfortable and confident
* Socializing around an interest - I do get tired doing this, but not as fast and sometimes can handle more people

I think I know what you mean about flexibility. I've been going through something similar with various things (like trying new food or allowing for more points of view than I had previously). It's not always easy, but it does make a difference.

Everything here plus.
* having to deal with someone I find attractive.
* Pressured to talk.
* Feeling like the person I'm talking to will reject anything I have to say.
* Talking with someone who is a little different... as in lots of tattoos and piercings.




What helps is
* finding a quiet place to reset.
* Familiar settings that I can predict exactly what's going to happen.
* Structured settings.

Stress
An unsolved problem (also: Stress)
Sickness/Pain
A change in schedule
Not knowing what's happening next
Depression
Crowds and/or too much noise
Someone with a very negative attitude (it fills the air, makes it hard to breathe and concentrate)
No confidence window (my confidence window allows me to interact with the world as a competent, articulate individual)
Triggered PTSD or triggered phobia

Edit to Add the turn-around:

I need to calm down with the sound of white noise. Traffic, airplanes, wind, rain, etc. What works the best is the sound of running water. I have a soundtrack for the ocean that I play on my iPod to get to sleep. I've also excused myself from situations to go into the ladies room and just close my eyes while I ran the faucet. I've had baths that lasted only long enough for the tub to be full (no need to run the water after that) and that was my relaxation. My favorite get-away spots are along the harbor. Cloudy days at the beach are my favorite. It's wonderful at night because you can't see anything, it's all blackness, but you hear the waves crashing and smell the salt air.

There's also certain kinds of music that calm me down when I'm stressed out. If I listen to those artists, I can bounce back fairly quickly. Certain smells also help, especially if they trigger a positive memory. I guess I'm all about the sounds and the smells.

However, if we're talking about being overwhelmed by an unsolved problem, nothing will calm me down until I start brainstorming for a resolution. I need to solve a problem to leave it alone. Even if it's a crappy solution, just the process of finding a solution will calm me down, and once I'm out of the Fight or Flight mode, it will be easier to find a better solution.

Thanks to a skilled psychologist, I have been given the tools to identify troublesome thinking that pulls me deeper into anti-social behavior and anxiety, so I can make the decision to avoid such thoughts because they are counter-productive. That has helped a great deal.

Last edited by wefunction on 06 Jun 2011, 10:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Lack of sleep
People talking to me too much/Too many people
Uncomfortable clothing/seats/shoes/etc
Being touched lightly
Stress/Nervousness
Being around people I don't like
Touching certain textures
People talking too fast
Not being given specifics

Add this to my list, except about men. When I meet an attractive guy for the first time, the guy is pretty sure that I hate him because I become very anti-social. It reads as disinterest and snobbery. It takes me a little time to process my feelings and make decisions to act appropriately. My husband really thought he'd totally blown his first time talking with me and that I'd never give him another chance. Meanwhile, the little wefunction inside of me is only jumping up and down shouting, "omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!" to a point where I have no idea what I should do to not look like a complete idiot... so I shut down, avoided eye contact (so my eyes couldn't betray me) and said the bare minimum to him.

I have no idea how to get over this. Since I'm married, it seems to work out that I instantly turn off attractive guys with my snobby first impression.

Being confronted in a threatening way by people in positions of authority. I just end up panicking, and completely forgetting everything I've learnt about how to handle such situations in a mature way...