Do Aspies attract other aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

See the "Geek Syndrome" in Wired Magazine by Steve Silberman

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12 ... rs_pr.html

He has a hypothesis about assortive mating of Aspies and Auties in Silicon Valley.

From the article::::::
For UCSF neurologist Kirk Wilhelmsen - who describes himself and his son as being "somewhere on that grand spectrum" - such statements cut to the heart of the most difficult issue that autism raises for society. It may be that autistic people are essentially different from "normal" people, he says, and that it is precisely those differences that make them invaluable to the ongoing evolution of the human race.

"If we could eliminate the genes for things like autism, I think it would be disastrous," says Wilhelmsen. "The healthiest state for a gene pool is maximum diversity of things that might be good."

One of the first people to intuit the significance of this was Asperger himself - weaving his continuum like a protective blanket over the young patients in his clinic as the Nazis shipped so-called mental defectives to the camps. "It seems that for success in science and art," he wrote, "a dash of autism is essential."

For all we know, the first tools on earth might have been developed by a loner sitting at the back of the cave, chipping at thousands of rocks to find the one that made the sharpest spear, while the neurotypicals chattered away in the firelight. Perhaps certain arcane systems of logic, mathematics, music, and stories - particularly remote and fantastic ones - have been passed down from phenotype to phenotype, in parallel with the DNA that helped shape minds which would know exactly what to do with these strange and elegant creations.

ruveyn

Might be difficult to say. Aspies are not common enough to just run into, especially if you are not the type of person who goes out to meet new people all the time. So you could say, "No, everyone I know is NT." But maybe the reason why is you just haven't run into any aspies. It'd probably be more interesting to see how people marry (and stay married). It takes a lot of work and compatibility to get that far. If aspies are more drawn to other aspies than to NTs then I would expect aspies who just don't run into other aspies to be much less likely to marry than those that do. Thus it would weed out situations where you just don't run into other aspies.

I have made a lot of weird friends over the years before I new what Aspergers was. I also have a bad trait of attracting crazed street people who seem to single me out from everyone else to talk to or try to touch. My buddies were calling me the homeless messiah for a long time.

Just a quick anecdote...

My girlfriends nephew has Asperger's too and the last may we went to OK for his high school graduation, (i'm closer in age to him than her) and his house was full of friends and family. There were people our age in the living room and out side I decided to hang out with the ones inside. we were each kind of doing our own thing playing video games I was reading my book. It wasn't until later that I was told that everyone inside has anything from Aspergers to Classic Autism. I felt comfortable there I guess on some level I could tell I belonged with them.

Something in the OP's theory, I reckon. My wife has many Aspie traits (appears to be a mixture of AS and NT according to the Aspie-Quiz, and the only NT things in the results are about social skills, which may or may not have been exagerrated....it's perhaps hard to admit to being a social flop).

As for my friends, in the live music club I belong to, 2 out of the 3 other core members have strong Aspie traits, and the other one is so shy that it's hard to know. Of the few other friends I have, none of them seem "normal" or mainstream to me.

I find all this hard to explain unless I assume I've somehow selected in favour of AS people. Yet I've never consciously made such a selection, and can't see how I've ended up with so many (likely) Aspies. All I know is that I tend to like eccentric, individualistic people, and that I try to keep away from the hurly-burly of mainstream (NT?) types because I don't want them pressurizing me and saying stuff like "you must do this, it's the done thing." I guess I warm mostly to people who seem disconnected from and independent of, the main crowd.

I have yet to meet another Aspie in person. I am actively seeking this, though, as my difficulties in communicating with NT's have caused me extreme stress and hardship, leading to a string of meltdowns and more-childish-than-usual behavior over the last several months. Another big stress factor lately has been moving from California to Michigan then to Texas in the matter of LESS than 30 days. I'm currently in Greenville TX living with my cousin who works with MHMR, so she is very understanding of my quirkiness, an extreme change from the unaccepting attitudes of those who have surrounded me most of my life. I have, as I see it, a very conflicting personality-- I don't get along with most people, don't even LIKE most people, but I crave social interaction and relationships almost to an unhealthy extent. I DON'T like being alone but I am also uncomfortable if I can't "do my own thing". I guess it could be stated I just want to have other people AROUND while I do what I do, not so much for the interaction but just for the sake of other people physically being present and not dogging on me for my eccentric interests. The intimate relationships I have formed with NT's have all been unhealthy and at least borderline abusive, I struggled constantly to please my woman but nothing was ever good enough. Having personal peoblems was never an option so I neglected my own mental health to please the women I was involved with to the point I became sick and incapable of functioning properly. In example-- the last three months I've had a severe flair up of tourettes tics but making sure my son's mother had the things she wanted and making sure she got to go to the places she wanted to do was more important than getting medical attention, leading to even MORE meltdowns and ticcing. My son's mother finally tossed me out on the street because she couldn't handle the responsibility of "me"-- my issues and inability to fully provide for her was unacceptable to her. I now realize that this was a relationship of convenience to her and not one of genuine love.

So... do I think I would be better off seeking a relationship with a fellow Aspie? the answer is most definitely YES-- but with definitive "strings attached". With the obsessive nature us Aspies have, interests and obsessions would have to be similar if not the same. In my case, my match would need to be artistically gifted, preferably in music and visual arts. She would also be an animal lover, enjoy extreme activities like dirt biking, bicycling, and it would really help if she was interested in aircraft to some degree. I'm not tied up in physical appearances but bearing the fact that I am also ADHD I tend to outpace overweight or lazy people. So... my ideal match would also be on the hyperactive side. I am told over and over that I make others feel stupid (I do have high IQ) and I realize this is a problem. I can't change who I am so obviously I am best suited to be with another of high IQ as I have a hard time comprehending how other people don't understand how things work as well as I do. I like to think that I have patience but to be honest, my patience is a bit selective..... I am hoping I finally get the chance to finally meet others like myself so I can come to the conclusion myself if I am compatible with others whose mind works the same as my own....

For me personally, yes. Almost all of those I have come to know well in life, seem to have been on the spectrum.

Based on my experience, yes. We're drawn to each other, almost magnetically. It's always "just something about that person" to which I feel a connection and then, getting to know them, discover their traits.