People laughing for reasons other than humour

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Jayo
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15 Jul 2011, 6:08 pm

Here's one that can stump an Aspie like myself...I didn't find out till later in life that people sometimes laugh out of frustration, or nervousness, not just for humour sake. The nervousness part I figured out soon enough, b/c it sounds fake to me...but for frustration, sometimes I can't tell. Sometimes I think they're mocking me. An example was a few years back with a former female co-worker. Speaking in generics the dialogue went something like this:

Her: [explaining something to me]
Me: OK, so you're saying X, and so that really means Y, and it also means Z could be involved, right??
Her: No, I'm saying that... [insert rephrased explanation, with a discernible exasperated tone]
Me: OK...so...are you suggesting that we should [insert my paraphrased recap]??
Her: [Laughing] No...[Laughing some more]...No, that's not what I mean...[Laughing] :lol:

My response "are you suggesting that..." was not intended to be humourous, and I don't recall it having such a connotation, so I assumed that she was laughing out of frustration. A similar situation happened when I was in my early 20s (a few years before my diagnosis). Some girl started laughing during an argument we had about something - not arguing in a nasty way, but just a misunderstanding & mild disagreement...I told her "well, I don't think that's very funny" and she replied "just forget it, never mind." I was with an acquaintance at the time who listened to the exchange and as I walked away with him, I said to him that this girl should not have laughed at what I said b/c I was serious, and his response was "you know, she wasn't laughing at you because she thought what you said was funny, she was kind of pissed off and frustrated at some of the things you said. Sometimes I think you just don't get it." 8O

Well, I can't say that I've ever laughed out of anger, or even frustration, to whatever degree...the only laugh criticism I've had (which is common to many Aspies I'm told) is once in a while I'll recall a funny event and I'll laugh out loud, then quickly suppress it, because nobody knows what the hell I'm laughing about.



lostonearth35
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15 Jul 2011, 6:42 pm

I know what you mean. I find people who laugh at everything you say, especially when you' re not trying to be funny, very annoying. I once knew a social worker like that several years ago, she would giggle and laugh and then I would get frustrated or hurt because I was being serious. And then she'd act all bewildered. Some people are like that, they have to cover up their true feelings by laughing. They laugh and smile when they talk or hear about terrible things. I find that weird and disturbing.
But when I thing of something really funny, like something I saw on a YouTube Video or read in a book I often laugh out loud because it's so perfectly recorded in my mind. And then of course people look at you like you're psycho...



MakaylaTheAspie
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15 Jul 2011, 6:50 pm

My step-brother laughs when he is in pain. It's really entertaining.


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serenity
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16 Jul 2011, 9:48 am

I sometimes laugh when I'm nervous or afraid. Sometimes when I am the most distressed I'll have a big smile plastered on my face. It's weird and I don't fully understand it. I certainly don't think anything is funny in that moment.

I admit that when my autistic son seems to be getting riled up over something the things he says are funny and we laugh. I also say some pretty extreme things when I get really frustrated and have people giggle, which makes me more upset and more ranty, which incites more laughing. I don't know that they're laughing out of frustration or if it's more out of amusement that they can't get their point across in your situation.



Australien
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16 Jul 2011, 10:12 am

This irritates and confuses me, and I have noticed it since working at a place with a lot of NTs and NT women in particular after working two jobs that were pretty much exclusively IT nerds.



SilverSolace
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16 Jul 2011, 10:57 am

I laugh, in addition to when I find something humorous, when I am nervous and afraid, faced with death or people who are mourning (funerals), or when other people are laughing. It is almost completely uncontrollable (If I cause pain to myself like biting lip or tongue, it can stop it sometimes), and often my nervous smile and laugh is indistinguishable from my normal, cheerful one.
I do however have a fake nervous laugh a simple "heh" or "hehe", accompanied by a grimace sometimes, if I don't know the appropriate response to someone describing something that I think would have been/is a nervous or unpleasant situation for them.
Some of you would be uncomfortable around me in some situations, according to some of the above posts.
I read in a book that it is a trait in some with ASD to have inappropriate responses such as this.
Ironically, I am uncomfortable around other people who have inappropriate responses, or simply a response that I don't understand, because I do not know how to react to them if they will not explain their behavior/premise that explains their own reaction when I ask them to, or if I make a mistake in interpreting it they will not clarify.



mb1984
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16 Jul 2011, 11:21 am

I laugh out of frustration and nervousness, sometimes hysterically. I also smile when people are angry with me, or avidly defending a point of view. I also smile at bad news sometimes. I don't do it on purpose, and I always feel shocked, and a little betrayed at my body for acting so inappropriately. But then I find it funny, so I laugh at that too.


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Xayah
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16 Jul 2011, 12:01 pm

Alot of people laugh when experiencing negative emotions, like fear, pain or shock. I don't know why we do this, maybe it gives intense unpleasant feelings an acceptable outlet?

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Great_Snake
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16 Jul 2011, 4:44 pm

My mother has a strange habit of laughing when she talks to strangers. I find it very annoying but it looks like people think it's OK. It's always the same "ha-ha-haaa" with the same intonation and it's like a reflex which i'm also starting to get - it appears when i need to look friendly and i can't control it. Besides that i laugh only when i find something funny.



Buck-oh
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17 Jul 2011, 5:11 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Some people are like that, they have to cover up their true feelings by laughing.


Or they're just wired that way and tend to respond to certain situations by laughing. Laughing can be a way to reduce stress, or an involuntary response. A blow to the ulnar nerve can trigger involuntary laughter, even if the person laughing is in pain and doesn't find it funny at all. Getting the giggles in church or during a funeral is pretty common for normal people, even if social rules dictate it's inappropriate.

I plan on having a "wake" after my funeral because it makes perfect neurological sense. Allowing loved ones to have some culturally appropriate reason to laugh, drink, and reduce stress after a tragedy would be the responsible thing for me, as the guest of honor to do, even if I'm dead.

lostonearth35 wrote:
But when I thing of something really funny, like something I saw on a YouTube Video or read in a book I often laugh out loud because it's so perfectly recorded in my mind. And then of course people look at you like you're psycho...


Think about this. If I can't find a logical reason why someone is laughing, I'll assume they could be laughing at me. But, since some laughter is involuntary, it's pointless to for me to attribute some form of "logic" to it.

lostonearth35 wrote:
Alot of people laugh when experiencing negative emotions, like fear, pain or shock. I don't know why we do this, maybe it gives intense unpleasant feelings an acceptable outlet?


Intense pleasant feelings and intense unpleasant feelings. I've seen small children get so happy that they'll reach a point of excitement where they actually become agitated, and go into a tantrum. If you apply cultural logic, it makes no sense, but neurologically, it's a little easier to understand.

I've laughed after twisting my ankle, and I've seen other people do the same thing. Beyond the social signs we attribute to laughter and tears, the truth is that laughing and crying are emotional release mechanisms, and outside of context, may not give a particularly accurate insight to what the person is actually feeling.