The autism social rule book.

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I find I can't be somebody I'm not. It's impossible. I find it's no good trying to be too confident. So, to those of you who are not (and never will be) a confident person, don't ever act too confident, unless you are in an environment where you feel comfortable and the people around you know you well enough to accept who you are (example, family gatherings with all familiar relatives).
It's no good me walking into a new job thinking that me acting out false confidence will suddenly make me popular, because it won't work. It would lead me to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, looking stupid, being laughing at, or irritating people. It might even make me look big-headed, when I am not meant to be a big-headed person.

The best suggestion is to work on your social skills a little. Smiling is the first step. It gives other people the impression that you're friendly but shy, and people who are nice enough should understand that. Then they will want to get to know you, so still keep up the smiling, only saying things when you are spoken to specifically. Once you keep this up, you will grow more and more comfortable with this person, and so you will probably be finding yourself talking more, and before you know it, a good friendship has built up, without you coming out with the wrong things before it begun. When the friendship builds up more, the other person should be more used to you, then you can maybe feel comfortable in telling them that you find social situations hard. By this stage, they should like you for who you are, and so should be more understanding.

It worked for me.

To be honest, this is just as rude as directly telling someone that they're boring. You still have to feign slight interest - respond with a few nods, murmurs of approval, and so forth. They'll get the hint if you don't contribute much else. But otherwise they'll be quite offended!

I guess that just shows how I still have a lot to learn and I figure stuff out wrong.

This is less of a rule, and more of a suggestion, but it definitely belongs in this category.


What I do, when Ifind i'm a little out of place, in a conversation, I tend to make whatever I said that totally flopped, and laugh at it. You feel ridiculous for a while, but it helps. If i try to make a joke, and everyone just stares at me, I burst out with something like, "It sounded good in my head!!" or "So there!! What did you think of THAT?" or "No, you weren't really supposed to make sense of that. I promise."

they're more inclined to write it off and forget that it just happened, and the conversation just ends there and continues on a different topic, and people just think about how it was amusing, rather than how it was awkward.

Sometimes it works, and when it doesn't, just act like it worked and they get over it. I also revert to "Hey... i'm not always perfect.. you should've seen me yesterday, though." It takes the tense awkward feeling out of the moment.


Hope that helps.

Another good rule:


Keep a calendar and make sure you put EVERYTHING on it!! it's super embarrassing when you make plans and then double book yourself when there's something else really important you need to be at. Making plans to pick up your friend from the airport when you're going to be in the middle of a camping trip doesn't work. That makes people angry.

NTs and EVERYONE get mad when you do this. I use a calendar on my macbook, because it has colour coded schedules,and you can put multiple coloured-calendars one page, so you can see where,when and what everything is. it's really easy to use and you can set alarms and everything.

I found this out today:

People will stare if you consume ice-cream/milkshake in public while it's cloudy and raining and you are wearing a jumper whilst walking under an umbrella. (Was worth it though, milkshake was awesome!)

Also, I have discovered that most people do not dance outside in their dressing gown in the rain during thunderstorms. Especially not at length in a tribal foot-stomping kind of way whilst accompanied by chanting.
(Never mind, they are the ones missing out!)

I'm not sure if I have said this yet:

Don't talk on your cellphone in the restaurant. People don't like to hear your one end conversation. You tend to talk louder is why when you are on the phone. In fact it's like this everywhere, people just don't like to hear you talking on it hearing every word you say, same as waiters and waitresses don't like you talking on it when they have to serve you and take your order. Even cashiers and bank tellers are annoyed with this too. They don't like serving a customer who is on their cellphone. I wouldn't do this in hotels either when you are checking in. Avoid talking on it when you go up to the counter to check in or check out.


Do not text in theaters. Lot of people have ADD so they get distracted by the light from your phone. I suppose that means do not play with your PSP or Nintendo DS because the screen also lights up too. Anything that lights up, do not use in theaters when the movie is playing. But you can use them when the credits roll or do it during previews.

If people are talking amongst themselves do not suddenly inject yourself into their conversation, until invited.

I am very guilty of the above, for me to start rabbiting on about the weather when they are talking football or some other innocuous subject always gets their ire and I know you know everything, people just do not like to be reminded of it :p

By the way, I am new to forum, hello

I have a rule for you guys
50. If a shop keeper gives you the wrong change ( more than they were meant to) do not tell them!! !!

Why not? Isn't that being dishonest?

If someone does something you don't like, do not do anything to give them a hard time because then they will just want to do it more to piss you off. Lot of people like to provoke others when they get offended with your actions towards them.

But sadly I bet people do this towards others with autism and anxiety. They do things that will piss us off even more or to torture us even more or that triggers our anxiety and meltdowns.

Or dont talk on ur phone on the bus, library, or any other generally enclosed public places. If you get called while your in that place, either dont pick up and the call the person back or pick up and quickly go outside, speak very softly while your heading outside.

Rule #: If your a guy and you dont want a girl to be attracted to you, dont allow her to use you as an emotional sponge unless its very very clear you guys are strictly platonic or someones gay. And if you want a girl to be attracted to her, listen to her problems. Not to say its a guarentee she'll like u but it ups your chances.

Rule #: If your a girl and you want to stay strictly friends with a guy, dont use him constantly for emotional support, go out with him a lot 1 on 1 and allow him to pay for your food. Your sending all the wrong messages. If you just wanna be friends, keep the problem talk on a low level, never allow him to pay for you, and try not to hangout 1 on 1 too much. Arrange group activities more often then not.

Depends on the problems of course, I heard this advice once and it cost me months of listening to someone whine about how no one understood her when I finally got around to asking what her problems where.

Be interested in her issues, but do not make it your life's mission to sort them out or "fix" them.

Anyone interested in me going through the topic and writing these up?

Hi, what if that particular form of behaviour is

1. a personal attack/bullying/making things very difficult for me at that moment &
2. doesn't seemed to be stopped by anyone else present?



That would be great, thanks!

I have no idea. I didn't make it up.

Here is another I know of:


Do not break up with your partner on the internet or on the phone, it's a cowardly way to do it.

But what if:

It was an online relationship? Should they both fly half way across the country/world to meed each other to break up? What if you both hardly see each other in person but yet know each other in real life but never get to see each other in person and it's too difficult to see them in person because they are too busy? Is breaking up in the letter okay or card since it didn't say anything about that when I read doing it by phone or internet is cowardly?