Good looking aspies. Do people bypass your aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

I was moderately good looking when I was younger, but while that might've made people more likely to chat me up, there was still the problem of me interacting back with them. It seemed to me that people would approach with a lot of expectations, and when they found out that I wasn't the "regular guy" (or regular human) they were imagining and expecting, they would be shocked and disgusted, maybe more than they would've otherwise been. The judgments and disgust from that always seemed very hard and fast. To put it in a really crude way I think it could be called the "normal-looking, handsome ret*d" -type reaction.

There may still have been upsides that I wasn't aware of, though, I will admit, but it's not like I had friends or got invited out, or anything else substantial.

my viewpoint maybe a bit different from the handful of posts i read (i am a geezer)
but my experince has been that showing my weaknesses I can drive women away in droves, however if I am able to show them my strengths, well the rest of that goes in the adults section.
the biggest thing that will loose a womans interest is lack of confidence. Think of the most self confident person you know, do you think that they never feel any of the anxiety that you or I do, the trick is not letting the outside world in on it.
Lets look again on the most confident person you know, for you to believe that they have confidence they only needed to convince you, not themselves. Its not being fake, its being safe, you can let people in over time, but if they get scared away from the get go you have lost.

smile, and be curtious, it goes along way to help smooth things over when you do something really weird.

I wonder if there are differences between men and women, on how they are treated if they are attractive or not.
Supposedly, women have a much greater variety of men they are attracted to, while men are much narrower on their versions of good looking. A lot of times for women it is the personality, like you can know a guy and them be totally unattractive, then when you get to know them they become attractive, and vice versa. While for men, looks are a lot more important. Thus, if a man is good looking, but awkward, he is a lot more likely to be treated as awkward, while a woman with the same amount of awkwardness will be treated differently.

I say this, because I have a friend who is probably the best looking guy I have ever know (Unfortunately, he is like my brother.) However he is socially awkward. So my friends and I were talking about guys one day, and his name came up, and they were like "He's cute, but I can't get past how awkward he is."

On the other hand, sometimes on girls, awkwardness is seen as naivety or pureness and is a desired trait. (As long as one isn't too awkward.)

Back when I was the most fit I've ever been it didn't seem to matter to girls that I was "different". I think they actually liked it since I was the artsy fartsy musician type so they just figured my Aspergers was just a musician thing? Now I'm just an over weight weirdo with a "unique" personality that often times "speaks in riddles". Some girl told me that the other day and I still don't know what she meant by it.....but she didn't mention anything about my weight.

The only Aspie I know is extremely good-looking, and, yes, I think I've been more forgiving of some of his Aspie traits because of his physical attractiveness. I feel sorry for the poor man, though--he really doesn't know how to handle all the attention from the ladies.

I don't think that I look good. people say very contrary things about that.
but everyone was very surprised when I told them I was an autist. even my parents.
though they told me that it's true that there are evidences they didn't notice before.
one thing they have been telling me for years is, that I didn't look into others eyes and didn't show much facial expressions. I think that has nothing to do with beauty, just with the ability of behaving in a way that doesn't bother anyone.
I think that's more a matter of intelligence and will to fit in.

"It seemed to me that people would approach with a lot of expectations, and when they found out that I wasn't the "regular guy" (or regular human) they were imagining and expecting, they would be shocked and disgusted, maybe more than they would've otherwise been. The judgments and disgust from that always seemed very hard and fast."




--Thanks for nailing 98% of my interactions talking to people for the first time. I suppose and people have told me I'm better looking than average, girls usually show me indicators of interest and show me signs they want to talk, but a few minutes into the converstation comes a few abhorrent or repulsive like comments and looks, and that disgusted vibe. Basically why I don't approach girls ever, even though I have opportunities.

Another really interesting thing to me is on a study abroad trip I went on last summer with 25 American and 25 Peruvian college students my age, the top 6 or 7 best looking girls all gave getting to know me a go, but I made it awkward in different ways with every one. On the other hand, the cutest Peruvian girl (because I think she had no preconceptions of Americans or whites and had no image of a "regular guy") rolled with my quirks and laughed things off from the start and we started a relationship, and still talk a year later.

So advice for frustrated better looking aspie types in the US, visit other cultures. It's really worth it and a lot of other places are less judgmental. I've still never really found a place I've fit in living here even though that's all I've ever really wanted, and I'm planning to move back to Peru in a few months.

One word, which is a problem that good looking people experience on a regular basis, and which makes it even more difficult to socialize: -jealousy!

I claim that jealousy is the reason why people literally celebrate when I make mistakes, so I would answer the question with a clear NO.

No one knows if I am an aspie or not... People liked me in school once they got to know me a bit better... But none of the guys ever really considered me dating material. I was just funny and entertaining to them.