Problems showing happiness and issues smiling
It happens that most of the time when my family is laughing about something, I don't laugh about it. You know why? Because I look into their faces and 2 seconds later they suddently stop laughing about it. Laughing is now a social mechanism instead of a feeling over a funny thing that happened. I mean, when I laugh about something truly funny, I keep laughing like I was high on weed or something and everytime I recall it, a cool smile comes in.
Keep in mind that the majority of people are shallow and certainly will analyze and judge you by how you look. A shallow person will tell you "You look sad". A person who sees deeper will most probably ask "Are you feeling sad?".
A person who sees deeper will try to connect into your feelings to see the issue.
Suppose a kid sees his mom going away and he starts crying over it like "I want my mom!" and then you say "Your mom won't be back for a while so you shouldn't look so sad". The kid will probably reply back saying "But I want my mom!". If you instead say "You really want your mom, don't you?", it will show him that you understand his feelings and from there he will have no problem showing his feelings.
Most of the shallow people will also, without being aware, deny your feelings and try to change them.
It's obvious now that facial expressions have nothing to do with feelings. I could be laughing and making the same facial expression over a really funny moment and over someone stupid and nonsensical.
So problems showing emotions and feelings happen when there is an environment of mistrust, cruelty and falseness, where fake facial expressions dominate.
Instead, it's only natural that you show feelings like happiness and sadness when the environment understands you and lets you in.
I am so glad to have read this thread it's so interesting, I can relate to most of it. I have spent my whole life being told to act happier, it's annoying, I'm not miserable and those that know me best know I'm not.
If something is on the TV and others are laughing, generally I don't find it funny, especially stand up comedians. I can watch comedies for the story, and understand the jokes but they don't make me laugh.
Also just like some others have posted, someone often asks me what I'm smiling about in an inappropriate moment, I realise I was actually thinking of something amusing and had switched off to the environment around me, of course I flatly deny I was smiling! :)
I swear to god I'm not a violent person but if one more person tells me to "Cheer up, it might never happen" I'm not going to be held accountable for my actions :P
_________________
Your Aspie score: 187 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 7 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
YellowBanana
Veteran
Joined: 14 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,032
Location: mostly, in my head.
Smiling ... hmm...
I am often receive the following comments from people even when I am perfectly happy:
"smile!"
"don't look so serious"
"at least *try* to look like you're enjoying it ... "
On the other hand, I also receive the following comments:
"Why are you smiling?"
"What's so funny?"
"This is serious!"
The one thing that everyone seems to agree on though is that I have nice smile. Even though it clearly seems like I smile, or don't smile, inappropriately.
To me it's just one of the very odd things that I don't get.
I don't consciously control my smile or laughter or other facial or emotional expressions.
Yet it's so often commented on as being "wrong" ... How can it be the "wrong reaction" if it's what comes naturally?!?!
_________________
Female. Dx ASD in 2011 @ Age 38. Also Dx BPD
My life echoes all the points in this story.
The key is that NTs *think* they know what others are thinking based entirely on non-verbal cues. You, I, and many others reveal their delusion. They are wrong. No one can read other people's minds.
The partner of an autistic-spectrum person absolutely has to understand this. Apparently, accepting this fact is nearly impossible for them. They cannot replace ideas in their head even when confronted with hard evidence. They too easily attribute bad motives to others.
I can only assume that NTs are projecting their own inner corruption (lies, deceit, cheating, belittling others, etc). I hope I am wrong.
I am often receive the following comments from people even when I am perfectly happy:
"smile!"
"don't look so serious"
"at least *try* to look like you're enjoying it ... "
On the other hand, I also receive the following comments:
"Why are you smiling?"
"What's so funny?"
"This is serious!"
The one thing that everyone seems to agree on though is that I have nice smile. Even though it clearly seems like I smile, or don't smile, inappropriately.
To me it's just one of the very odd things that I don't get.
I don't consciously control my smile or laughter or other facial or emotional expressions.
Yet it's so often commented on as being "wrong" ... How can it be the "wrong reaction" if it's what comes naturally?!?!
I get all those comments too. 'smile' when i am perfectly content is most annoying and I have been practising laughingout loud for a long time. I atill laugh at completely the wrong times too.
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