Im Gay (Title not to be taken literally, explanation inside)

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Telling your parents and family those words at least have some kind of context that people can relate to, even though they may not like it. With those words they know that you will likely never form a pairbond with another woman but you are at least for all intents quite normal, they might kick up a fuss, go into an instant state of denial or disown you...but I think in this day and age they can see it for what it is, and isn't.

How though, do you tell your family that you have this undefinable quality that makes your life so much harder than other peoples, that you have to try 100 times harder to get one hundredth of the success other people take for granted?

I think my family always knew on some level I was different, that I couldn't easily talk to girls...but they mistakenly believed that it was because I only talked to boys, when I had just as much trouble with them, but at least had some kind of familiar grounding to start from, however tenuous! lol

Case in point, my mum just left me a message to make sure to let my brother who is coming into the house while she is out, she might as well have been reciting War & Peace in Martian for all the sense that simple garbled message made, or Welsh.

How do you, for someone who has so much trouble communicating, get across the message that you simply do not have a clue what people are talking about, when your range is so limited, and you do not have any kind of framework to build on either through television or film (since people don't generally talk about it) and you don't have a clue about it yourself?

For me it is probably the fact that while I do not feel any different, and I do have the Unified Theory to Everything locked away in my head, they will take it to mean I am somehow brain damaged and look at me like I am some kind of freak, or sociopath...when I am just the same person I have always been, albeit one copying from others what my appropriate responses should be (without even realising it I am a mimic)

I probably wish I was gay, it would at least be a conversation not necessary on some level lol

The only two critical area to disclose it is your workplace and your significant other (if you have one), as far as I know. There is no remedy for it yet, with my SO I have always failed, and I wouldn't try to explain it at my workplace. And yes, you are right in that it is much harder to explain. But, chances are, in the end people will accept it better than the other one in the title. So, try to explain it to them, beginning with communication (social skills, unable to read social cues, reading face expressions, remembering faces, names, lack of ToM, different wiring of brain, overly logical thinking, reduced ability to process sensory input), followed by sensory issues, and be patient. It worth the effort in the long term.

It's no surprise that people often refer to revealing your autism diagnosis to your family as "coming out".

I am not deeply affected by embarrassment, personally, so I never really had that much trouble with explaining things to my family or to anyone else. But I still worry that she'll attempt to make me come home and stay with her, and I won't have any freedom--my independence is rather tenuous, and I'm trying my best, but I still worry. (I dream about it. Seriously, I have nightmares that I'm living at home and she won't let me move out.)

I also had to come out as ace to my mom. Still working on the bi-romantic/genderqueer thing. She's going to flip on those last two, I'm sure. Though I did get her to admit that "God makes some girls who aren't very girly" last time I talked to her. She then lectured me about my buzz cut. Silly Mom.

I think I have a sort of parallel here with the asexuality and autism, though. Whenever I explain that to anybody, it's not just coming out--I have to explain what it means ("I don't want to have sex; no, I'm not unhealthy; no, I'm not frigid; no, I'm not traumatized; yes, I'm physically a normal female; yes, I'm capable of affection"). It can be awkward, but in my experience people tend to take their cue from you--if you're okay with it, if it's obvious that you think of it as one of your many quirks that you don't mind having, then they'll probably be okay with it too. The exception seems to be people who have some pre-existing bias.

So yeah, it can be awkward to explain and sometimes you have to do a lot of myth-busting; but if you obviously don't mind being autistic, most people won't mind, either.

Err, I understand where this is coming from, but being gay is not as easy as you make it sound.

Sure it's coming along. Maybe in another couple of decades.

My mom feels, for religious reasons, she shouldn't talk to me very much because I am gay. On one of the times we have spent time together, I mentioned Asperger's. She said, "That sounds like it's possible, but you should still talk to a doctor about it."

I know that wasn't the crux of your message, and it doesn't seem like you are trying to be mean, but being gay isn't easy.

As someone who is perceived to be a cold loner who have absolutely no interest into men or women, people mistakes me for being gay because I don't approach women and neither approach men. Gotta love how society likes to assume who you are based on your behavior and makes assumption based on the majority. I had to admit to 2 girls that I don't have interest into anyone sexually in order to get the thoughts about me to change.

This is probably not what you're talking about, but for awhile, I thought maybe I was gay. I related a lot to the narratives of "never fitting in" and thought that maybe that was why I was different. Later on, I finally admitted to myself that I just wasn't that attracted to anybody, and decided maybe I was somewhere bordering on asexuality. Explaining that to people has been really difficult and most don't get it. And, of course, the whole ASD/ADHD thing... People really don't understand that one. I think the trouble of finding out about all of this stuff has been trying to explain it to people so that they can understand.

Long story short, I think the problem is introducing a topic that isn't as well known and then telling people that you are that thing. Being gay isn't any easier, though. People have gotten more accepting, but there are still cases where those around you react with anger or violence. Perhaps you'd have the advantage of it being a well known topic now, but I don't think they'll necessarily take the news any better.

Just gotta hope that, as awareness increases, people's reactions will too.

Yay ace! I've had people assume I'm a lesbian and had to correct them--and then of course had to explain what "asexual" meant to begin with. But I think asexuality is getting more well-known and sooner or later we'll be able to say "asexual" without having to give the thirty-second lecture accompaniment!

Bore da. Dwi'n siarad Cymraeg.

Wait - you have the Unified Theory to Everything in your head?? I've been working on this my whole life! Do tell! And please don't just say it's 42, because even if that IS the ultimate truth I still need all the details to put it into context.

Has it got something to do with the notion that all the information in the universe is stored in 2 dimensional space at the edge of the universe and this 3D universe is merely a holographic computer simulation, and the that the fabric of the cosmos at its finite resolution is in fact mathematical, by its very nature??? And what about brains. How are they interpreting The Matrix, and is the hologram being projected BY the brains or are they just observing it? And how does this relate to the observer in the double slit experiment and Heisenberg's uncertainty principle? And why do so many savants seem to be so good at numbers? Is this a glitch in The Matrix? Is it something to do with NTs perpetuating the collective unconscious though denial paradigm filters and one's degree of autism being somehow correlated to having subconscious processes being brought into the conscious? Does this imply somehow that there is a delicate balance of aberrant processes that are required to break through the code and access free will? Or am I barking up the wrong tree here. Perhaps I am the only brain that is real and all the other things are just computer programmed algorithms (more likely). This seems to be the most logical conclusion, seeing as I AM at the centre of my own universe. Either that, or I am AI itself and my awareness of my own workings are just part of the machine becoming conscious of itself. Much like God. Perhaps you don't even exist and this internet is all just a trick to transfer digital data from one part of God's brain to the other. But why would He do this if He could just employ quantum entanglement?? Does He need to create a vector? Is the simulation just the execution of a well thought out computer program that in its essence just a simple mathematical algorithm? This algorithm that gives rise to all things - like a disc of information - the same one that is being held in 2D space. But the program seems to be set to "self destruct", due to the second law of thermodynamics. What does the machine want. What IS it. WHY does it have to be so mysterious?!?! And why does it have to transduce energy - information - ceaselessly??? How can entropy be the answer to equilibrium, when all is just chaos and disorder in the end? Is it the homogeny that it wants? Is that why we are all one and connected? Are we more like ants or a multicellular slime mould? Do we have a cohesive emergent property when we are all unified in a single cause, or are we more social by nature, relying on status and hierarchal structure in order to hold the group together? It would seem that God hates Himself if he just totally blew himself up in the big bang, and is ripping His body apart. And yet, there is so much beauty in all the fractals. Why do we have sacred geometry and diatoms? Nobody can see them without a microscope! Why is there a macrocosm and a microcosm, in and of itself a repeating fractal? WHY dammit!! !!

I am neither a creationist nor a nihilist, and quite a terrible mathemetician. I am nothing but a resonating chamber for essential truth; a theorist with no language. Please share your truth if you can put it into words, or if needed, numbers, or perhaps a piece of music.

Ummm...

This thread is four years old!

You're long passionate plea for clarification is going out to someone who...probably died of old age years ago! Lol!

Yup, if you click on their avatar, "Sparhawke" logged in twice in March of this year; before that they'd not been here since 2013. SK666, I'd have to agree that it is unlikely they'll respond any time soon, just by virtue of of only having logged in twice in the last three years. Never know with a necrothread, though - it just might resonate with someone else...

Haha yeah it was more tongue-in-cheek than anything… but who knows. It's out there in the matrix now. Anything is possible!