Serious question about eye contact.

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I'm not aspie I was diagnosed last year with classic autism I have a few more issues than the average aspie ( I think) but I have a question and was wondering if its normal for other autistics, or if its just me.

I have the normal eye contact issues that most aspie and autistics have meaning I don;t maintain eye contact for more than a second at a time if at all. However there is an exception to this, and it makes me a little nervous, if I really hate someone or am infuriated with someone to the point of rage I have no trouble with eye contact at all, in my head in these cases I am usually plotting their death or at least causing them serious harm, thankfully it does not usually last long.

I have been thinking about this for a long time now about why this is, I have come to the conclusion its because people that I hate or am enraged about cease to be human to me and simply become objects to me. I am not a sociopath I have a family and I love them very much but I think this aspect might be related to what its like being a sociopath.

I would ask a therapist or psychologist but I do not speak to people about myself even posting here anonymously is difficult, but I would like to know if any other aspie or autistics know what I am talking about here.

Love and hate are known to inspire more direct eye contact in NT's. It's probably just an adjunct of the normal NT reaction to those feelings.

You actually bring up a really interesting point for me though. In retrospect, the way I learned to simulate eye contact is by thinking negative thoughts about the people I was interacting with...

I know it. Before I got better at eye-contact and didn't yet look at people, I also stared at those who had angered me.

I remember there being a theory or an explanation about that looking people in the eye triggers anxiety and a fight-or-flight in autistic people. I imagine feeling unwilling to back down and feeling raging anger at someone would override that. But I can't remember much about this research, so don't take these thoughts too seriously.

I know that I didn't feel overwhelmed when looking at people I felt hate about, while usually feeling very disgusted with the eyes of people in general. There was just me and that person. My sensory perception made a subtle change, because my anger would provide a strong focus on the person, their movements, voice and possible intentions. My anger dampened the massive impact stimuli (what I saw, what I heard...) in that moment and that might have helped to overcome what made eye-contact difficult for me usually.

I'd say in my anger, I felt very much like an animal ready to strike back without a second of delay in case it got attacked just once more.

"I'd say in my anger, I felt very much like an animal ready to strike back without a second of delay in case it got attacked just once more."

This.

That is almost precisely it, in high school I got into many many fights it is one of the things that probably kept me from learning I was autistic until much later in life. I always thought of autistics like the ones they portray on TV and movies. Hell for years the only example I knew of was "rainman" and he wasn't even autistic. Thanks for answering, its nice to know i'm not the only one.

Take this with a grain of salt since I'm obsessed with the application of evolutionary theory to everything:

Animals (incl. humans) stare down their opponents to show dominance. It signals "I am angry and confident enough to look you in the face and show you my anger even though you may get mad in return. I am stronger than you and will not back down. I will fight this to the end, I won't hide from you and let you get your way."

I do that as well. Although I am diagnosed as having AS, I am on the more severe almost on the HFA side. I would actually back purchase up with that theory because apparently the fight or flight reflex is more common in people with autism and can be triggered far more easily. When in 'fight' mode, an animal definitely would keep it's eyes on the opponent's 1. For dominance 2. so that it can watch the other animal's every move. The same applies to a human in this reflex.

Sociopathy, I think, is more like being a character in a video game. When I'm playing a single-player game, I can do whatever I like to the other characters and not feel guilty, because they're not people. Sociopaths don't have the ability to feel guilt, so all of life becomes like a video game to them.

Viewing people as objects is a dangerous way to approach confrontation, for you. Treating a attacker as a "punching machine" pretty much gives you no opportunity to appeal to his sense of empathy or sympathy. A few bullies are sadists that get off on victimizing people. A far larger majority, are normal people with anger issues, who will back off when they believe they've taken things too far. If you treat the attacker as an object, you've pretty much waived any expectations of mercy from either.

Seriously, the key to avoiding a lot of physical confrontation is to let the aggressor believe they've "won" before they've thrown the first punch. Asking them a basically human question like "what have I done to p**s you off?" or "why are you so angry" might actually get them to think long enough to calm down. Most bullies fall into two categories: sick twisted people who enjoy the misery of others, and normal people who have problems rationally communicating their anger.

I have another question if any of you care to answer it, I can't go to appointments alone I'm a grown man I'm married with 3 children and my wife practically has to hold my hand to go visit the doctor. My wife jokes with me that I don't need to be afraid of her because she is sure I could kick my doctors ass if I had to.

I have a hard time explaining to her that it is not fear that keeps me from being able to interact with strangers, Its something else that I can't put into words. Its like sticking a needle in my eye, strange as it sounds I am not afraid to do that, but I could not do it without some serious outside pressure making me do it. hmm that is not quite right either. I don't know how to explain it, its not fear but its paralyzing like fear.

I call it "momentum" or "inertia"

Going to the doctor's office is probably low on the list of things you want to expend energy doing. Your wife accompanying you to the doctor's kind of sets things in motion and makes it a lot easier to follow through. It just makes visiting the doctor a little less overwhelming if someone you trust is part of the process.

I don't know if it works on a sliding scale, but I can look people in the eye, I just strongly prefer not to. It makes me uncomfortable. Also, I never go to the doctor unless I am in dire(read: life or death) need. Doctors offices have always creeped me out.

Rising adrenaline level can also be a factor.

In some cases, when I have something crucial on my soul to tell someone that may or may not have a purpose, and I'm firmly intent to communicate it by all means and circumstances, I deliberately use sustained and even piercing eye contact. I rarely do it, last time it happened it was against my mother will concerning my sister.

Oh I have eye contact, it just makes people uncomfortable I apparently do it wrong somehow and creep people out. I believe it was because it was always forced eye contact, I was forcing eye contact because I got tired of being told that I seemed "shifty". My wife says when I force eye contact it feels like I am looking right through people and I should not do it.

I laugh about it now, but I went through decades of not knowing why people found me "creepy" or "scary" some people including one of my own sisters just labeled me an "uncommunicative anti social a**hole". I've lost a dozen jobs because of it, and when the only way you can get a job is by having someone you know help you get it, losing one really sucks.

I don't think that's an autistic thing at all--I think it's an NT thing! Direct, unwavering eye contact is often a body-language signal for anger and hostility.

Almost all autistics have NT traits, just like many NTs have autistic traits--this is probably one of yours. Maybe when your adrenaline level gets high enough, your brain taps into the reserves and you can stare directly into someone's eyes without getting flooded by data.

I found that personality and friendliness tend to compensate for bad eye contact. If I were to choose between working on smiling or eye contact, I'd opt to spend the energy on smiling. The social message sent with eye contact differs from culture to culture (some cultures interpret Western-style eye contact as hostile or aggressive) and a decent smile will more than compensate for a lack of eye contact.

I tend to keep eye contact longer than I should with some people, but not with others and those people I don't feel anger towards.