navel gazing

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mindgame
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27 Jul 2011, 6:04 pm

I can understand and appreciate what people go through when they suspect or discover they have an ASD (I've been going through it myself), but I'm a little frustrated (not to mention disturbed) by the degree of obsession people on this forum seem to have over every little quirk in their behavior/thought process. Let me guess, this too is typical of people on the spectrum.

When my son was in a special ed. preschool, his teacher voiced her concern over how he ate a jelly sandwich at snack time. The way she described it I could see that it was just my son trying not to spill jelly all over his clothes, but, of course, his teacher only saw it as an extension of his developmental delays.

All I'm saying is let's try to maintain a bit of perspective, okay?

goatswithguns
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27 Jul 2011, 6:28 pm

mindgame wrote:

The way she described it I could see that it was just my son trying not to spill jelly all over his clothes, but, of course, his teacher only saw it as an extension of his developmental delays.

God, I hate it when NTs read too much (or too little!) into AS behaviors like this. Or who read too much into normal small-child behaviors and pin them as "AS" just because the child has a diagnosis.

Once I was talking to a mother who was near tears with stress about her autistic son. He had apparently been diagnosed as "low functioning," despite getting the DX as a baby. Now three years old, she was worried he would "be this way" the rest of his life, and she was worried about his future. The event she was so focused on was a few weeks prior when she had walked in on him in the bathroom trying to dig poop out of his butt with a finger. For christssake, he's only THREE YEARS OLD! Autistic people grow and change just like everyone else...

Phonic
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27 Jul 2011, 6:42 pm

it is pervasive, it colors every experiance, every thought and emotion.

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CockneyRebel
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27 Jul 2011, 7:55 pm

goatswithguns wrote:

mindgame wrote:

The way she described it I could see that it was just my son trying not to spill jelly all over his clothes, but, of course, his teacher only saw it as an extension of his developmental delays.

That woman really needs to toughen up. It's autism. it's not the end of the world. I guess that Autism Speaks speaks for her.

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StevieC
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28 Jul 2011, 2:32 am

goatswithguns wrote:

mindgame wrote:

The way she described it I could see that it was just my son trying not to spill jelly all over his clothes, but, of course, his teacher only saw it as an extension of his developmental delays.

i've had that, but then, who hasn't?

"i spoke to an expert about you and he says.... [whatever] and so you're just making excuses because *all* autistics do *this* and you dont..."
name of expert: unknown
qualification: unknown
area of expertise: unknown
for all i know, it was some guy in a pub with Wikipedia on his phone.

but then, i have not been (officially) diagnosed. and maybe i have it (which would explain a lot), but maybe i don't (and instead i'm just really odd and just happen to match a lot of the diagnostic prerequisites -- and have done from a small age)... sorry about hijacking the thread btw

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SammichEater
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28 Jul 2011, 3:42 am

There are a lot of things that AS explains about me. There are a lot of things about me that are totally unrelated. Common sense, people. It's important.

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Acacia
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28 Jul 2011, 4:12 am

mindgame wrote:

I'm a little frustrated (not to mention disturbed) by the degree of obsession people on this forum seem to have over every little quirk in their behavior/thought process.

Yeah, I agree.
Far too much of the... "do aspies do this??" or "is this an AS trait??" types of questions.
I completely understand that obsessive, analytical people might spend a great deal of time trying to understand what is going on with themselves. I've certainly been there before. And of course there is something to be said for the right kind of mindfulness of one's own thoughts and behaviors.

But sometimes it crosses a line into seeking rationalizations/excuses for everything they do, as if NT people don't have little quirks and idiosyncrasies and crazy issues of their own.

At this point in my life, I'm pretty clear on what parts of me are just me... and what parts are me + AS. There is a distinction in my mind, and I don't gain anything by attempting to see everything through the lens of Autism. That is essentially the challenge to me... balancing a genuine desire to understand the scope and parameters of a pervasive developmental disorder, with the even stronger desire to make peace with myself and just try to have a good life.

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hurtloam
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28 Jul 2011, 5:58 am

I think that the people who have been visiting this site for a long time may get sick of seeing the same questions being asked again and again. You've read this before, the conversations goes the same way, yawn. But for someone new to the site, it is brand new to them and they want to find the answers to these questions. Don't be annoyed at them for asking things that you know the answer to. They haven't learned the answer yet and are not posting for your entertainment.

I think that there are those of us who have suddenly discovered a possible explaination as to why we have been different our whole lives and may think, what if I'm not the only person who does this? What if there are more people out there like me? So they post a question asking whether such and such is an AS trait because they are trying to make sense of their world. Maybe I do this because I have AS?

There are a lot of people using this site so there will be alot of questions. Often these will be repeat questions. That's the nature of the internet. Why discourage people from learning about themselves because it bores you?

wavefreak58
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28 Jul 2011, 6:20 am

[quote="mindgame"
but I'm a little frustrated (not to mention disturbed) by the degree of obsession people on this forum seem to have over every little quirk in their behavior/thought process.
[/quote]

Some of this can be attributed to the initial discovery of ASDs by a person. I notice a lot of new members seem very focused on the minutia of diagnoses and behaviors. I know when I first found out about Asperger's I was VERY focused on it.

Quote:

Let me guess, this too is typical of people on the spectrum.

Actually, it is. So called "Navel Gazing" can be nothing more than an exercise in categorization - something that many aspies are quite intent upon doing.

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mindgame
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28 Jul 2011, 9:17 am

hurtloam wrote:

Thank you for responding to this issue. Your point about "newbies" on the site is certainly valid; however, I'm relatively new to WP, myself, and I'm already overwhelmed by the extent of navel gazing on this forum. It's not so much boredom with such questions/concerns as it is (as I wrote in my original post) frustration and, yes, impatience. I deliberately kept from singling out specific posts with the aim of simply suggesting that the AS community, as a whole, try to keep some kind of perspective. I feel that numerous posts about things like "do your fingernails grow faster on one hand than the other?" only breeds more over-scrutinizing nonsense.

mindgame
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28 Jul 2011, 9:21 am

Acacia wrote:

mindgame wrote:

I'm a little frustrated (not to mention disturbed) by the degree of obsession people on this forum seem to have over every little quirk in their behavior/thought process.

Thank you for giving this issue a more eloquent voice than I did!

syrella
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28 Jul 2011, 10:04 am

I think some of it can be driven by being new to the site or to a diagnosis. It might also be driven by a realization that there others out there that share some experiences. But another motivation might also just be plain ol' curiosity.

I constantly find myself asking other people, "How common is this? Do other people do this?" or "Is this an Aspie thing?" simply because I'm interested in hearing what the responses are. For me, it's not driven out of paranoia that every little trait I have is directed by AS (which I may or may not have) or exclusively stating that the NT population does not engage in these behaviors. If anything, I enjoy hearing about others who share and do not share my experiences. And, unfortunately, asking those kinds of category questions are a good way to go about it. I do admit that certain threads can get a little out of hand, but I think you can take anything too far. The best advice I have would be to just ignore the threads that you're not interested in and hope that others get the message eventually.

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hurtloam
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28 Jul 2011, 10:09 am

I think alot of it is just natural curiosity as well. Some people are just the sort who like to explore the minute details of the world around them.

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