No emotion for grief?

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My uncle passed away this morning. I loved him and I will miss him. I feel bad I never got to see him "one last time" and I am sad that he is gone. Despite the fact that I am sad about his passing, I am not feeling overly emotional. I did not cry when I got the news, and I feel people are expecting me to be more (visually) upset than I am. Am I turning into stone? I ask this because I really did love him a lot, and a few years ago, I probably would have been more emotional. I don't know what is happening to me.

On a similar note, I was told a few weeks ago my brother was stabbed. I am not on speaking terms with my brother, but still, a few years ago (when I was still not on speaking terms with him), I would have been more shaken by the news. When she told me, I just kind of thought "I am not overly surprised." I don't want anything bad to happen to him or to anyone else, but no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot seem to feel the emotion other people seem to. I have never been able to feel emotion in quite the same way as others apparently, but I am getting even "worse" now. Is there are a logical explanation for this or am I just turning into a jerk?

It just sorta turns me into a zombie.

Different people react in different ways.

I have the same thing! I can't stand the expectations placed upon me by NTs! It sucks when someone is hurt, or dies...but it's all a part of life and that's how I see it. Death doesn't bother me cause it's to be expected...even when unexpected...
You're not a stone, you have feelings, you just express them differently (and prob'ly more productivley too)

I'm 90% sure most neurotypicals fake their own sadness, just so that they don't appear to be a jerk.

I do not think you are being a jerk, but this is self-serving of me: I have similar grief reactions.

Relatives visiting unannounced while my grandmother was dying caused me more distress (due to unexpected demands on my time and thus unreliable access to my own routines) than my grandmother's actual death, and she was very important to me - if it weren't for her, I would have been homeless in the 1990s. She also purchased a computer for me when I was broke, and I was able to use that to do freelance writing work.

When my sister (whom I believe I was close to) was murdered when I was 14, I didn't cry at all. When my paternal grandmother died around the same time, I didn't cry at all. When one of my niece's friends tried to hang herself, I had no reaction, but I had to fake one for my mother and my niece - I get around faking actual distress by giving hugs and a shoulder to cry on. I find it very difficult to cry over these things, though, and I always wonder if other people think I am some kind of soulless monster because I do not openly mourn people.

However, when I had to have one of my cats euthanized, I had a complete emotional meltdown, I just couldn't be coherent or stop crying. Same with other pets.

Yep. I always bring this up when someone posts a topic about the belief that people with AS lack empathy. We're no more lacking in empathy than NTs, we just don't fake it like they do.

I can sympathize and relate to you. I just recently had my mother pass away in a long, brutal process. My wife was so supportive in the whole ordeal, and so was my brother. At the wake I could bring myself to the emotion and such that everyone else was at. She was my mother, and maybe it was a total mind blowing confusion going on, but i didn't "feel it". I did cry, but that was more of a guilt trip on myself because everyone else was.

I've come to see that I logically made sense of the whole situation, and that my emotions couldn't change the present. It gets easier knowing that it is something that happens to everyone, but it still rocks you when your on the spectrum. You feel it, only differently from others.

And they also fake laughter.

Thank you for the replies!! It is reassuring to hear that I am not the only one.

I guess I just feel sort of off lately because a few years ago, I was more emotional than I am today. I have attempted to fake reactions in the past on occasion, but I was also really more emotional in general as well.

I also do think a lot of NTs fake things, including over-exaggerating grief far more than people on the spectrum would. I guess with me, I am just kind of wondering why I used to be more emotional than now. I lost my grandfather two years ago, and I was a complete wreck. I broke down, and I still do sometimes when I think of him. I was VERY close to him, and I guess since then, nothing seems quite as bad as that day. I don't know....maybe that is why I react less to EVERYTHING. I am also becoming increasingly aware at how fake people are.

Well, this isn't what you're looking for... I was reading and following and got to "cats euthanized" and now need to go hug and kiss my cat. Please hold....

As far as people, I do get upset when they die, but like... okay, my grandma was my best friend. She died May 4, 2009. I was shattered by it. I bawled for what felt like forever. But you know, I just accept it now, and it is what it is. People get old and they die, and so be it. It'll happen to me, too, and you, and everything. But my mom and my sister and family are still very upset by her death, while I... I don't want to say I'm over it because that kind of sounds bad, but... you know.

You are not a jerk. You said you are going to miss him and that you feel bad about it. You do have feeling about what happened and feel bad about loosing your uncle. You have the right to express your grief in your own way. Crying or making a scene is obviously not your way. People around might be concerned because some people get in shock when a close relative dies, and that may be dangerous. Maybe they think you are in shock. Dont worry, they will stop worrying about you after a while. Just make sure to let them know you feel bad about what happened.

My grandfather died May 14, 2009...so looks like we both had a rough May that year. I am emotionally strong for some things, and very weak for other things. My grandfather had a very aggressive form of cancer that killed him less than a year after his diagnosis. During that time, I was completely in denial, and I really thought he was going to get better. At the time of his death, he had been unconscious for a few days in a hospital bed they had put in his house....actually, in the room I am sitting in right now, come to think of it. My grandmother could not give him the medicines, so I sat by his bed for days giving him the injections whenever he needed them. I was strong then because most of the people would not do that. I was one of two people (and the only blood relative) who allowed the nurse to show me what to do. Just being physically close to him in the room brought me some comfort anyway...I would have been tortured had I been at home away from him. Anyway, out of all his grandchildren, I do believe I was closest to him. I certainly spent the most time with him, and I lived here for a few months on two separate occasions. We were close for as long as I can remember, and we grew even closer then. I find I am kind of the opposite as you when it comes to him. With others, my grief is quite brief, and then it passes. With him though, I have been grieving for the more than two years since his death. Everyone else seems to have let the past go, but I cannot. I do not want to let him go, and I still struggle with not being able to see him when I want to (I had my visitations with him built into my routine and was very upset when we could not go see him). Sometimes I still cry over him (usually in private....but therapy also frequently goes back to him as well even when we begin talking about something completely different).

But with pretty much everything and everyone else, things quickly pass, and I am done. My grief is not as outward as other people, and I feel as though I MUST feel different inside (unless they are faking their outward feelings and feel similar to me inside, but just do not show it).

I'm sure a few do, I'm also sure that many go numb, or deal with grief through diversionary tactics like talking with friends or relatives so they don't have to deal with the reality that there's been a huge hole punched in their lives. I'm also sure that some legitimately bawl their eyes out.

Everybody reacts differently to the death of a loved one, and since the experiences surrounding death are different (was it sudden, expected, preventable, etc.) people will react differently to each individual death.

I am sorry.

I do feel the same way, I need to hug a cat when I remember that. The story itself... ugh, let me just say I fought it every step of the way.

When I was in college, my grandmother on my mother's side passed. Yes I did love my grandma. But when it was the day of the viewing I went to take my quiz at my intern site. Yes I could of just called off but no I wanted to take my quiz and get it out of the way. During the viewing and funeral, I never shed one tear when my grandmother passed. I was sad that she was gone. Its really hard for me to cry even at sad scenes in a movie. I can tear up but that is about it. When a family pet dies I can cry with no problem. When my sister's first blue heeler died from getting hit by a car I cried for two days. I cried during church service and sunday school over that dog. I cried a little over the passing of the old family dog but I knew he was going to die due to liver failure and know he wasn't suffering. I do think people think I was insensitive because I didn't cry over the death of my grandma. Sheesh even my sister said I was after the services.