Detachment issues

Post Reply New Topic

I have a tendency to detach completely from people (to whom I am somewhat close to) when they move away. Even though we might still be friends on facebook, it feels like I barely ever knew that person. I find it hard to talk to them on the phone or even send text messages. Eventually I cut off completely just because I no longer know what to say or talk about and I wind up looking like a proud ass who no longer values that person. I might lose the limited number friends I have because of this very reason. How do I cope with this?

I have the same trouble with phone and texting and instant messages, but find email allows me to stay in touch with people I don't see in person. A lot of phone and text and instant messaging relies on your ability to read between the lines, which might be especially difficult for you. When people write emails they tend to be more forthcoming about how they mean what they have to say. They take the time to explain themselves better. You also have more time to think about your response, and more space to keep them informed about what's going on with you. So maybe you should try to persuade your distant friends to correspond with you via email, if you find that helpful. If you tell them you'll find it easier to keep a connection that way, I'm sure they'd be willing even if they aren't used to keeping email correspondences out of preference for texting and short-format social media.

you're right. Email is a better option. I will try to persuade my friends to opt for it as the means to our "staying connected".

I have a similar problem, but I haven't found a good solution yet. I do keep in touch with friends electronically now, though, and that seems to help.

Email etiquette expectations are often surprising to me as well. Everyone has their own pace of replying to emails, and I tend to ascribe too much significance to unexpected delays in response. Also, how you start and end your emails can be terribly important. Some people are offended by casual greetings or off-hand closing words, for instance my father once stopped talking to me for a year over an email that did not begin "Dear Dad" and end "Love, XXXX". Unfortunately I did not even realize that year that he was deliberately ignoring me. So yes, I hope email is a good option for you, but beware that email can be counter-intuitive in some ways as well. I think consistency is a good bet once you know how your friends like to be addressed.