I really do not get how the NT social mind works
swbluto
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Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
Joe90 wrote:
I really do not get it. It seems that NTs lack the social talents that I have that make me a better person. Like I know how to be a dear, honest, trusting, reliable, life-long friend, but NTs don't seem to want that out of someone. If they did, then I would have been really popular. I just don't get it, because if NTs are supposed to be more social people, I would have thought that they'll know better to actually have these talents already, rather than to lack these talents. Most NTs seem to lack talents like avoiding conflict, for example. I'm not saying all, but most NTs seem to get the arseache with eachother and storm off in a mood, and then everybody gets upset and talks about the person who had stormed off. But I never, ever walk off in a huff, but people still would prefer those who do do these sorts of daft things. It seems to land them good friendships, whereas somebody sweet and happy to be someone's friend comes along, and people don't want to know.
It's just so ironic that me, as an Aspie with social impairments and anxieties, seem to know how to be a dear friend to somebody, and if got given the chance, would able to be a life-long friend without any major upsets, and the average NT seem to lack how to be a dear, honest, true friend, and yet they're the ones with the social abilities. I'm not saying NTs don't know how to be friends, because I've got dear, true friends who are NTs, but (even my mum said) people seem to turn, or let you down, or whatever. They have her before, and she's NT. But my Autistic friend never gets in moods with me or lets me down, ever.
I just don't get how NTs can be more bitchy and socially get away with it, yet an Aspie can be the most trusting, nicest, sweetest person you'll ever meet, and nobody wants us.
It's just so ironic that me, as an Aspie with social impairments and anxieties, seem to know how to be a dear friend to somebody, and if got given the chance, would able to be a life-long friend without any major upsets, and the average NT seem to lack how to be a dear, honest, true friend, and yet they're the ones with the social abilities. I'm not saying NTs don't know how to be friends, because I've got dear, true friends who are NTs, but (even my mum said) people seem to turn, or let you down, or whatever. They have her before, and she's NT. But my Autistic friend never gets in moods with me or lets me down, ever.
I just don't get how NTs can be more bitchy and socially get away with it, yet an Aspie can be the most trusting, nicest, sweetest person you'll ever meet, and nobody wants us.
I have a secret: The masses want entertainment. Sure, being true, nice and very sweet are very admirable qualities, but at the end of the day, the only thing people remember are the emotionally charged episodes of their day. And if those emotionally charged episodes are entertaining, people remember and (subconsciously) appreciate the entertainer.
Also, conflict usually is the result of NTs struggling over some form of "power", whether it be the power to use a particular resource or the power to prevent Jenny from flirting with ones boyfriend. The more social power you wield, the more influential you are and most NTs go gaga over being influential and famous.
alhna wrote:
you are smarter and cooler if you lie, steal things, behave like an arse
Growing up poor, I did subtle things to gain wealth: I used to always shoplift, take things home from buffets, jump 8-foot walls to get inside a grocery store's dumpster where they throw out food that is past the "sell by" date, and I would bring small plastic bags to people's houses who were smoking weed, and put in little crumbs here and there until I had a stash.
All of the "schemes" I pulled as a kid were never social, and always sneaky. I never understood how NTs could pull these "schemes" to such a great degree, like financial scams, selling faulty merchandise, selling fake drugs, and even some of our political leaders.
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hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
jojobean wrote:
There is more to NT friendships than just loyalty and kindness, if that were the case then there would be no need for world peace.
Anyway young NT's have friendships for selfish reasons. They want to be friends with the ones who garner the most respect and idolization in kinda of a "look who I know" kinda way. These friendships are filled with battles because there is a powerplay involved to being the top dog. Friendships to young teen-20's NT's is all about power and a battle for the best mating choices. The most beautiful and queenish girl gets a wider mating selection than a doctile, well behaved girl. For men the most powerful athleticly and socially gets the widest selection. All the powerplay fighting is for reasons that they dont understand, they just do it on a more instictive level. Those who are doctile and dont fight are seen as weak, thus are not the kind of person they want to assocate with in the climb for mating selection.
Battle stricken, all this dies down after mid 30's and people learn to cherish qualities like you have.
However some like politians are like silver back apes and never stop their quest for mating selection.
It is all bioloical.
hope that explains it,
Jojo
Anyway young NT's have friendships for selfish reasons. They want to be friends with the ones who garner the most respect and idolization in kinda of a "look who I know" kinda way. These friendships are filled with battles because there is a powerplay involved to being the top dog. Friendships to young teen-20's NT's is all about power and a battle for the best mating choices. The most beautiful and queenish girl gets a wider mating selection than a doctile, well behaved girl. For men the most powerful athleticly and socially gets the widest selection. All the powerplay fighting is for reasons that they dont understand, they just do it on a more instictive level. Those who are doctile and dont fight are seen as weak, thus are not the kind of person they want to assocate with in the climb for mating selection.
Battle stricken, all this dies down after mid 30's and people learn to cherish qualities like you have.
However some like politians are like silver back apes and never stop their quest for mating selection.
It is all bioloical.
hope that explains it,
Jojo
+1
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swbluto wrote:
I have a secret: The masses want entertainment. Sure, being true, nice and very sweet are very admirable qualities, but at the end of the day, the only thing people remember are the emotionally charged episodes of their day. And if those emotionally charged episodes are entertaining, people remember and (subconsciously) appreciate the entertainer.
Also, conflict usually is the result of NTs struggling over some form of "power", whether it be the power to use a particular resource or the power to prevent Jenny from flirting with ones boyfriend. The more social power you wield, the more influential you are and most NTs go gaga over being influential and famous.
Also, conflict usually is the result of NTs struggling over some form of "power", whether it be the power to use a particular resource or the power to prevent Jenny from flirting with ones boyfriend. The more social power you wield, the more influential you are and most NTs go gaga over being influential and famous.
This.
Joe90 wrote:
When I say how much I hate myself, and people say, ''you are a descent, nice, caring, kind-hearted person'', I always find myself saying, ''yes, that's why I hate myself.''
Because that is why you will never get what you want. The people who say they value kindness and caring are the same people who choose the rebel every time.
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