Aspergers and women and girls

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I am undiagnosed, but I really feel I have some form of Asperger's. I never even thought about it as a possibility for my lifelong weirdness until maybe 2 years ago.

Anyway, I have a very hard time relating/connecting to others if they do not have some disorder of some kind. The people I get along with best are creative/artistic mentally-ill folks That sounds wrong, but it's true. The majority of my friends have something wrong with them.

As for other things, from childhood-beginning of college I was pretty socially off. Then I somehow figured out how to behave more normally and became more charismatic. Now I think people consider me charming (or so I have been told). I can be very amusing socially, but for me it is like acting and entertainment and that is the role I am playing. Personally, I prefer to be alone and I have never been in a relationship though I am getting quite old at this point.

I'm kind of worried about my future. I still feel like a teenager on the inside. I relate most to teen TV shows, music, movies etc. I don't understand the adult world much at all.

Editing because I realized I never answered your initial question --- So I am gay, but I don't really get along well with other gay women, or feminine straight ones. I am off on my own somewhere. I like to hang out with people who are more tomboyish though. I also like to hang out with guys. I myself wear makeup and have long hair, but I dress like a 15 yr. old boy. I don't feel comfortable wearing girly stuff. I basically wear the same clothes all of the time until they fall apart. I love eye makeup and nail polish because it's colorful. I love really bright colors.

What I was like as a kid:

1) HUGE TOMBOY (got mistaken for a guy a few times)
2) sensory issues out the ying-yang in regards to clothing and food. I ate peanut butter sandwiches for lunch all through elementary school and wore the same outfits all of the time.
3) had lots of guy friends AND girl friends, but always wound up in petty arguments with the girls I could not understand
4) loved reading and writing. I read everything I could get my hands on, especially stuff that I wasn't supposed to from the adult section. My main special interests were in the Titanic, serial killers, and the Holocaust. Needless to say others thought I was weird.
5) I had an eraser collection. Never used any of them, just collected them.

Deleted.

Last edited by smudge on 07 Aug 2011, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've noticed Aspergers tends to go undiagnosed a lot more often in girls and women because the symptoms aren't as noticeable in females as they are in males. I've also believed the AS traits are quite different in females. Unfortunately, because there are so many guys with AS, its hard to find girls who are similar to us!

Im diagnosed AS. I got diagnosed late in life at the age of 31 Im now 38. I agree that AS isnt as noticable in women then in men and I constantly get accused of faking, pretending having a disability because I act so normal most of the time, the only time you are able to notice that I have a disability is when ceratin situations accur such as friends involving me in dramas and personal Issues which I dont understand and when people tend to get to close to me and touch me and loud noises I tend to have a aspie meltdown and become aggressive.

Im abit of a tomboy and tend to connect alot better with men than women I find that I dont understand my own gender and I dont understand gossiping or rumours. I rather sit with the boys having a beer talking about the footy or helping fix a car engine than doing nails and having my face painted with makeup. I have no dress sense and I wear what I feel is comfortable which is denim shorts, funny shirts, computer game shirts, science fiction shirts and bright coloured out there shirts and surfing shirts with boys shorts and surfing jumpers and computer game jumpers. I also wear tracksuit pants, half cut pants. Im not into wearing dresses or skirts or wearing reveling clothes yuk.

I love cars, playing horror, war and violent computer games, watching the football and car races, I love getting dirty and getting dirt under my nails and I dont care whether I break a nail, love 4x4 wheel driving, dirt bike riding, mountain bike riding, skateboarding, skating and doing extreme, Insane, adrenalin sports.

I also tend to feel comfortable and gel with other AS men and I have three AS male friends that I get along with very well and hang out with. I find I can have a decent conversation about certain subjects and stay interested and focused without getting bored or losing concentration. I find my mind wonders into my own world when I hang out with my three female friends and I get bored easily when they are constantly complaining about each other, gossiping and talking about female subjects I dont understand and that Im not interested in I have a habit of just shuting off and falling alseep.

The jobs I have had have not been typical womens jobs and my work ethic is I am satisfied when I come home of a hard days work totally echausted sweaty, dirty and full of grease all over me. I worked in the music industry as a Roadie loading and unloading trucks for bands and setting up the stage for bands for many years its a very dirty, sweaty, high pressured, on call, hard work job but I loved it.

Thats me I hope I explained that right. Im diagnosed AS. I got diagnosed late in life at the age of 31 Im now 38. I agree that AS isnt as noticable in women then in men and I constantly get accused of faking, pretending having a disability because I act so normal most of the time, the only time you are able to notice that I have a disability is when ceratin situations accur such as friends involving me in dramas and personal Issues which I dont understand and when people tend to get to close to me and touch me and loud noises I tend to have a aspie meltdown and become aggressive.

Im abit of a tomboy and tend to connect alot better with men than women I find that I dont understand my own gender and I dont understand gossiping or rumours. I rather sit with the boys having a beer talking about the footy or helping fix a car engine than doing nails and having my face painted with makeup. I have no dress sense and I wear what I feel is comfortable which is denim shorts, funny shirts, computer game shirts, science fiction shirts and bright coloured out there shirts and surfing shirts with boys shorts and surfing jumpers and computer game jumpers. I also wear tracksuit pants, half cut pants. Im not into wearing dresses or skirts or wearing reveling clothes yuk.

I love cars, playing horror, war and violent computer games, watching the football and car races, I love getting dirty and getting dirt under my nails and I dont care whether I break a nail, love 4x4 wheel driving, dirt bike riding, mountain bike riding, skateboarding, skating and doing extreme, Insane, adrenalin sports.

I also tend to feel comfortable and gel with other AS men and I have three AS male friends that I get along with very well and hang out with. I find I can have a decent conversation about certain subjects and stay interested and focused without getting bored or losing concentration. I find my mind wonders into my own world when I hang out with my three female friends and I get bored easily when they are constantly complaining about each other, gossiping and talking about female subjects I dont understand and that Im not interested in I have a habit of just shuting off and falling alseep.

The jobs I have had have not been typical womens jobs and my work ethic is I am satisfied when I come home of a hard days work totally echausted sweaty, dirty and full of grease all over me. I worked in the music industry as a Roadie loading and unloading trucks for bands and setting up the stage for bands for many years its a very dirty, sweaty, high pressured, on call, hard work job but I loved it.

Thats me I hope I explained that right.

Im very aware of my hygiene habits and I have a shower two to three times a day and I put deoderant on even when I goto bed and perfume. I wash my hair everyday and shave my underarms everyday and shave my legs every second day and pluck my hairs on my chin. I have obssesive compulsive disorder and I constantly wash my hands and have a phobia of germs ( which contridicts the fact I love getting dirty and sweaty its wierd to me) my place is like a hospital very clean and tidy. I dont like anyone touching my things when they visit my place or putting things out of order or out of place and I become very aggressive and angrey. When friends come over I get too and disinfect and bleach the place when my friends go home. I wont even let my Mum or Dad touch anything and its an effort for my Mum to help me to do my housework because I just about hit her and get aggressive with her for putting things out of place and touching things. Mum ends up getting so angrey with me that she does what she has to do anyway and ignores me and locks me in my room even when Im crying, screaming and smashing everything and gets what she has to do done.y place or putting things out of order or out of place and I become very aggressive and angrey. When friends come over I get too and disinfect and bleach the place when my friends go home. I wont even let my Mum or Dad touch anything and its an effort for my Mum to help me to do my housework because I just about hit her and get aggressive with her for putting things out of place and touching things. Mum ends up getting so angrey with me that she does what she has to do anyway and ignores me and locks me in my room even when Im crying, screaming and smashing everything and gets what she has to do done.

I'm very good about showering everyday, using deodorant, and brushing my teeth. I'd go crazy if I went a day without taking a shower.

However, I don't like wearing makeup, dresses, high heels, or getting my hair and nails done. I think thats very common in AS girls. I know Eva Cassidy was like this.

I consider myself quite boyish. I am not afraid to get dirty, but I clean up nice too.

The only dead give-away that I'm a girl is my physical appearence. (and maybe some other things... I just can't think of them right now)

Even though I don't like getting all dressed up, the casual clothes I wear are usually very feminine.

I am tomboyish even though I dress semi-femine.
I am very creative, rather savant about it
Kinda quiet untill I feel comfortable with someone then I am goofy
Do have a few hygene probs due to senosry issues, but I am working on improving that
understand animals pretty well
enjoy being alone...it makes me feel so much more alive
kinda good at socializing at a basic level, although it is a performance
I dont understand humans at all...I agree when inventor says we are all mad apes.
I am asexual but not aromantic
I feel like I am emotionally/psychologically half male/half female....so it should be no suprise that I am bisexual
I get along better with guys and other tomboys than girlie girls.
Girlie girls always feel alien to me like they are another species

Jojo

I'm not asexual.

What I find a bit peculiar is that Aspie girls all seem to agree that communicating is a lot easier with males than with females. Strangely enough, I've always found it easier to communicate with females than males. I think it's simply easier to form cross-gender friendships because you're not seen as a social competitor, whereas another person of your own gender would consider you a competitor.

It may also be the fact that the male mind is fairly smutty but that they'll keep silent if a female is around.

I would explain myself as a female Aspie, but I never know where to start.

First, I never showed any unusual signs to concern my parents when I was under 4. I know they wouldn't have been waiting for signs back then, but looking back my mum says that I never showed any signs. The Aspie traits only came out when I started school. But that's all a long story (I've explained this sort of thing in several other threads). It just took them upto I was 8 years old to find a diagnosis for what was wrong, which was AS and Dyspraxia.

My first obsession was Spanish, which started when I was 12. Then when I was 13 it went onto 2 people I knew of (but didn't know to speak to), then the obsession grew into all the people who knew these 2 people, and this lasted up until I was about 17, then I went onto somebody else. This current obsession has still continued to date. So practically, I'm the type of Aspie to get obsessed with people. God knows why some of us get obsessed with people, because people require social knowledge, but hey, I'm not that asocial.

My sensory issues are only noise-related. I don't like loud noises, because they either annoy me, agitate me, frighten me, or hurt my ears. Toddlers make the worst noise in the whole wide world. Bells come next (not church bells, I meant the ones on the wall - God they frighten the s**t out of me just looking at them, let alone hearing them!) But the reasons why I don't like loud noises are more fear-related, not so much sensory-related in my ears. I think my nerves are very hypersensitive, because I jump at any little thing. I've actually been doing it more lately. I don't know why.

I have an anxiety disorder, and having an anxiety disorder on top of AS is very challenging. It's a wonder I'm still alive today. I've been on job-seekers for over 3 years in a row now because the anxiety is holding me back from getting a job, since I've heard all the scary stories on the internet about people with AS being unable to hold down a job and getting the sack for things they done that was not done intentionally. I worries me sick, and although reluctant to look at an employer in the eye and tell them that I have AS (because I'm ashamed of having it), I am still thinking of easier ways to make them aware that I have a disability, because I was always told that people being aware of me disability will help me a lot in life. I may not show many (or none at all) traits, but I still think employers should know about it somehow, because I think that some of my traits might become a little bit visible at in the workplace, because there is more pressure and more social interaction if I'm somewhere in a public environment, (for example, a shop). So I have got in touch with disability employment services and they're helping me out with finding the right employment for me and letting them know about my needs, which has reduced my anxiety a lot, and is making me feel more confident.

I do like a weekly routine. This is why I don't want a job where I'm all over the place. Practically I want a job roughly around 9.00 til 3.00 hours, 3 days a week. My disability employment advisor and my counsellor told me that part-time work will be much better for me than full-time work, to start off with. Anyway, with me, having more time to myself is more important to me than having a bit more money, because I'm not really the sort to go out and spend spend spend anyway. I've got everything I need at the moment. But as long as I am happy enough to be able to settle and feel secure from week to week, there shouldn't be much to worry about.

I wouldn't say I'm bad at socialising, but I must say I go very mute when I'm in a social situation with lots of people who I don't know. I start feeling awkward, and lots of people talking, laughing, joking, etc, make me feel really small. I like to be around people who I know, and people who are used to me, and people who like me for who I am, whether I show much weirdness or not. When I am around those sorts of people, (like family and understanding friends), I feel more happier, and seem to subconsciously show less Aspie traits. When I'm around people who aren't understanding and are bitchy and only value those with more better social skills than me, I feel more Aspie traits show, because I feel more nervous and unconfident with them (for example, my voice goes monotone, I say the wrong things, I don't have anything in common with them and so find it harder to talk to them, and so on). With me, it seems the harder I try to put on an NT front, the more I get tensed up, and it just doesn't work. If I try just a little to put on an NT front, but loosen up otherwise, I find I look more NT than I do when really trying really hard. Lucky for me I understand jokes, sarcasm, tone of voice, face expressions, body language, and emotions. I can empathise too, to the normal level.

And I must say, the only part of social interaction I find really hard (in fact, impossible for me), it standing up for myself. (Criticising me on this doesn't help). I am pretty good in other social areas, but standing up for myself is something I will always find awkward for me. It will just never be a strength of mine.

Lastly, conforming is very tiring for me. I know people say ''be who you are and don't conform'', and although yes that would be easier in the long run, but I don't like standing out and having people laughing at me either. Conforming has helped me get friends, get on dates, and get along generally with other people, which is what I want, because I never got to have many true friends at school, and now it's my turn to actually get a taste of what a real social life is like, and I like it. I like time on my own too, but I still like to see friends and keep in touch. But by conforming, I mean having a hairstyle, wearing make-up, going shopping, reading magazines, watching reality shows like ''X-factor'' and ''Britain's Got Talent'' and ''Take That'', listening to the latest songs, and just being interested in all the mainstream stuff like that. I find it boring.

I may be aspie. I'm a horndog.

Well, I get along with girls who aren't super-girly or girls who are nerdy or artistic. I cannot deal with girls who are constantly obsessing over their looks, hair, clothes, etc. I also can't stand girls who obsess over physical, luxurious possessions.

I'm a female who thinks I'm on the spectrum, even though everybody says I'm not. Sucks to be subclinical.

I'm a student, an employee and a volunteer who is heavily involved with other people but still behaves like a loner. I have to consciously make a decision to keep in touch with my friends.

I dress low-maintenance but somewhat girly right now, to look professional. My gender identity seems incidental, but it's kind of fun to look pretty sometimes. I'm a demisexual with no strong gender preference. I also gel naturally with guys but rarely girls.

I'm inordinately introspective and, if I don't stop myself all the time, I talk about myself and my feelings way too much to everyone. I'm sensitive emotionally and yet cold. Consequently, I come off taciturn and logical. At night I dream vividly and constantly, and it is, for all practical purposes, another world.

I've learned to be emotive and interesting to other people. That said, it feels like I have to work constantly at "normal," and never really succeed.

I was diagnosed at 30 2 months ago. I am a very quiet shy person that blends into the background. I tend to get on with the majority of people as I am nice and polite and don't disagree with them. I adjust how I am to what they are interested in. I can be quite bitchy but try not to share comments that will upset people e.g. kids annoy me but I don't make my views public. I can be quite bad tempered and try and suppress it. I can get tearful/stroppy and disappear off on my own to hide it. I do have a need to correct things too.

I adjust to the people around me and wear the right clothes for the right situation. I am trendy enough that I don't stand out, I will only wear trendy things if they suit me. I usually buy classical things that will last years. I own lots of toiletries and shoes but in practice only use a few day to day and they are there just in case I need them.

When I buy something I like to spend ages on the Internet researching it and find the best shop and the best price. I overthink things a lot and it drives me a bit mad. If I have all the time in the world and go on my own it is OK and no pressure. Shoe shopping is a nightmare as most shoes are uncomfortable and I generally wear flat shoes. My parents used to find it painful watching me agonise for ages over shoes and whether they fitted and trying insoles as I have flat feet. I walk quite fast and my Mum used to say I walked like a man-could be the flat feet though.

I am relatively trendy but within my own limits. I occasionally try things e.g. curling my hair. I have a natural, classical look. One person has said I always seem to be dressed well but in my own head feel I could try harder and look better. I dyed my hair when younger but generally don't bother. I am a bit lazy and do the minimum I can get away with. When I try and take time over it I look quite attractive and can be quite girly. I feel quite uncomfortable dressing sexily and usually dress conservatively.

I'm quite good at going to the gym and now I'm a size 8-10. I've actually stayed at one for 2-3 years for the first time. I've even done some classes and go to a regular one, persuaded by someone at work. I prefer to do my own thing in the gym and have kept to the same gym routine, I've been meaning to change it for a year or so, although have upped some of the levels.

I do seem to get on quite well with my husband and computer geeks although can't join in on computer conversations. We know folky people who are accepting people and a bit different from the norm. This is my 2nd proper relationship, I was a late starter, 18 for my first boyfriend. Sexually I do have some issues. I'm not asexual.

I have one friend of about 10 years who approached me as was on my own. She is a bit atypical, very naiive and I suspect has trouble socially herself. There is a couple we know and the woman was my bridesmaid. She confuses me as when messaged about my Aspergers said they would still love me but she didn't seem to bother much at my wedding and I keep wondering if she likes me.

Apart from these people who aren't local there are a number of acquaintances. These are really through my husband. I tend to stick to him and feel a bit lost if I am alone for more than a few minutes as don't know what to say to people and they drift away and I end up self-consciously standing on my own. I get on with strong people who take the lead (e.g. husband) or people who are comfortable in conversation so it doesn't matter if I don't talk much.

Workwise I have always been underemployed. I got my first job in a sandwich shop when I was at university and couldn't get anything at 16 and 18 when I tried. I have been temping in admin/secretarial work for 4 years since my PhD.

I have had depression since I was a teenager. I am a very messy person and don't tidy up and I'm surrounded by clutter.