Suicide Sounds Healthier That Living

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I've been thinking about this a lot lately, if it didn't mean eternal damnation in my religion, I most likely would have removed myself from the equation a long time ago. My parents are the major issue, as long as I sit, be quiet, don't speak unless spoken to, and do not turn on my stereo (my only way to express myself), no distractions and only focus on my school work or housework. I've been dealing with s**t from them for too long. I know what you're thinking "why don't you GTFO?", I cannot because I have reacurring stomach issues that severly hinder me from getting a job (as if the job market, economy etc. wasn't bad enough). I would move out but: All my brothers are too poor, last year of school that my future rides on or else I would move up to another house that I could move up to. Not to mention all the thrills that come with being AS or the only one in my entire family that thinks with logic, rationality, not ignorant, I say all that because everytime I think about it I tell myself that I am the best of the family but I try to stay humble and tell myself "Everyone is equal.". I have to do that a lot! So I have come to the conclusion that I have a stronger mind than them, that's the closest I could come to without being a total ass. I would tell you about the things that I think are f****d up but everyone would get offended (don't lie to yourself, you know you would). My bad I guess, that sounded ignorant but people should not freak out over every little damn word, it would be a lot better for everyone if they actually listened and thought for even a second that one way could in fact probably be better than their way.

I get so frustrated! Everytime I give someone my opinion "Don't do that, you'll be miserable" they end up being miserable "Don't do that you'll regret it" they end up regreting it. Ugh, if I took pills to dumb me down, like, severly, I would probably be happier. I will not just turn into a robot for my parents though, they can give me talks all they want but I will not be slave for them to blame their problems on me. Yeah my parents give me so much talks it's pathetic, it's one of those things where I use logic and they don't, seriously. If they knew what I knew, if only, but everytime I even give my opinion they see it as a powerplay and give me the old "Because I'm the parent", Yeah I bet it gets you horny to play God doesn't it?

Obviously I'm sick of it, I'm sick of life. Being alive and miserable and constanly in pain and denial and ignorance and never knowing anything about nothing, and getting my ass f****d because others are too stupid to realize that the consiquence of their actions will be enourmous. I would love for death to embrace me and all my pain and sorrows be washed away but it would not be worth it to wake up in Lucifer's arms, "Aw well, I guess I'm the ass that deserved it, always making people really think and all.", n saying I came across "Make someone think they're thinking and they will love you for it, make them really think and they'll hate you.". Everyone has they're own life going on and I realize that so I know that I don't have the answers for everything. Life to me is all about choosing the lesser evil.

You know, you really don't sound you hate life. You just seem to hate living with your parents. I think even for NT people this happens a lot, especially around 16 or 17. Those last few months living with them seem so slow and hard to cope with before you reach legal age. I was lucky that my parents were out of the country when I was 17, or we'd have constant arguments for sure. I AM the smart one in my family and they all admit that, but they wouldn't listen to me anyway. How long do you have until you turn 18? Do you have the option to go to college?

There are loads of people out there who are not stupid and who are not like your parents at all. You gotta give them a try. Once you find one person who's "your type" or is nice and understanding enough, you often can find more of them.

I agree with y-pod.
17 was about the worst time in my life, and it really went Uphill from there.

Just as a side note, there is a big connection between stress and Illness - I don't know what Stomach issues you have, but you might be suprised the results of GTFO therapy - even if its just for a few hours - go somewhere quiet without too many people around (library, park, etc).

I know how you feel. I could really use some GTFO therapy myself.

My family says I am very good at electronics, I can pick up whatever they want me to figure out or fix and then right before there eyes (without a manuel) I will figure it out. They still rarely think of me when they need something fixed, that's all they acknowledge me for. I am sick of living with my parents for sure but I am terrified of life, like I mentioned, the economy is crap, so it'd be hard to get a job, the future looks dark to me. I don't know about College yet, does a Technical School count? I go to Public School and then they fund my trip to and from the Tech School, I got blessed because I am going to be learning Network Systems and Computer Repair, my favorite things.

I would like to find someone who is "my type" but you know how we AS are, I haven't had friends in well... I don't remember the last time I had a friend.

Haha! GTFO Therapy, I like that! It could definitely be possible that I am just getting sick from stress, when I go to the other house that I mentioned, the one that could be possible for me to move into, I still end up getting sick but I think that's because I stress that my stomach might start to do it's thing again, it sucks because my house is an hour away and the only ride down is with my dad and that's at 6AM, I do twice as bad in the mornings.

I've had to deal with my stomach problem for 14 months now (started June 14, 2010(I like to recall facts)) so by now I have a decent understanding of what it needs and how to take care of it so it's not as bad as it used to be.

You are talking about a pill that will dumb you down, recurring stomach issues and suicidal tendencies or at least thoughts .

Well, if you boost your testosterone you'll most likely dumb yourself down a little and possibly lessen your stomach issues but the biggest effect will be on your overall thought process which will be more sex orientated and therefore more neurotypical.

To achieve quick results you could try 'Horny goat weed' which costs absolutely nothing but works like a charm.

It's true I haven't been running a lot of testosterone (except of course when me and my mom get into fights and I put holes in the wall). I mostly sit in my room to be away from my family, and I told my parents that "The only reason I'm down in my room so much is to be away from you.". I would love to run, it's one of my favorite activities to do but I am way too shy to actually run down the street, if I had a treatmill that would be a different story.

I don't want to be neurotypical, that would be insulting. I don't care for females or their bodies at all (I am straight still), you think that would change if I took Horny Goat Weed? Cuz I don't want it to.

What kind of stomach issues exactly are you having?

I really have nothing to offer other than I hear you. I do hear you.

More nauseous the earlier in the day I wake up, for example: I fell asleep at 6:00am and woke up at 10:00am, my stomach was fine; fell asleep at 3:00am, woke up at 7:00am, stomach less than steller. 4 hours of sleep both times but felt better waking up later in the day.
Hard time digesting: Meat, Eggs, Fish, Dairy.
When I have anxiety, my stomach flares up then too.
I think I have a hard time with higher elevations too, I'm just guessing this but it kind of works out. Sometimes I go up to visit my cousins that live up in the mountains (not hillbilly) everytime I go up there my stomach flares up, in fact the stomach problem began when I was up there, it started after I drank a cup and a half of coffee . I'm also "Super Sensitive", that means I feel what everyone is feeling and for some reason store emotion or whatever in my stomach, something like that.
Morning are the worst out of it all.

How you are describing things, they actually sound quite obvious.

Hard time digesting: Meat, Eggs, Fish, Dairy and problems arise when drinking coffee.

Well meat, eggs and fish have a positive effect on your testosterone levels while dairy products (milk etc.) are needed when you have a low testosterone level. It has to do with the production of calcium in your bones which is stimulated by testosterone.

Also if drinking coffee (with lot's of sugar and no milk for example) has such a strong effect on your stomach it indicates that your level is unhealthily low and easily thrown of-balance especially considering your age.

If you have a fight it may not even be testosterone screaming through your body but cortisol (fight or flight), which actually has an opposite effect and mutes testosterone and makes you feel stressed but raises the morality in your judgement as described by yourself:

"I'm also "Super Sensitive", that means I feel what everyone is feeling and for some reason store emotion or whatever in my stomach, something like that."

You will not become neurotypical overnight but you will get more motivated at doing things and as a result produce more endorphins which will make you happier and less anxious. As for the girls part, it will grow on you only if you want it yourself.

Last edited by ewes on 16 Aug 2011, 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Do you have food allergies or chemical allergies? I actually always get upset stomach when visiting my in-laws or my parents. Turned out to be the hard water they have. I'm sensitive to a couple kinds of salts so the minerals in their water is not good. I started bringing with me an entire case of bottled water and drink only that, then I felt much better. I don't drink any juice if they mixed with their local water either.

Stomach or digestive system troubles are actually very common for aspies. It seems to be part of the package with no easy cure. You just have to figure out what upset yours and avoid them. I avoid rice and most seafood, my brother avoid rice and most meat, my dad avoid sugar and bread, my children avoid fish and eggs, or we'd get the runs easily. I also take some digestive enzymes with meals. They help a lot and are not very expensive. Most health food stores sell them. I suggest you look into those. Sounds like you have trouble with protein, make sure you pills contain protease to break them down. I feel loads better after I started taking enzymes two years ago. I hope you can feel better soon, too.

*Stomach trouble can be so annoying, but when taken care of, probably won't kill you. My dad is 74 this year and he's the wimpiest guy I know.

Last edited by y-pod on 16 Aug 2011, 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OP, I wouldn't give up, as you're still pretty young. When you're my age and your life is sh***y, then maybe you can consider it.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I haven't drank coffee more than twice since I suspected it had something to do with my stomach hurting, the times I did try coffee again, was in very small cups, and my stomach felt weird, not super bad but enough that I don't want to drink it again.



Well I can't eat eggs or any of that stuff because I think I'm lactose intolerant. I would probably have to rely on physical activities to raise my testosterone.



I would have to agree with you and so would the Doctor's of Chiropractic that I've gone to.



I think you're right! My response is usually flight because I would rather not deal with the problem.



So, you think the Horny Goat Weed will be good for me?

I've been having stomach problems too, very similar to yours. I've found that it is almost entirely due to stress and mental overload. Anything that would reduce stress levels will benefit greatly.