Why we get along better with people older than us

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I was at a meeting of the Aspie support group I go to today, and someone in the group made to me what was a very striking observation.

We were talking about not liking to be with people our age and having friends much older than us, and she said something that made a lot of sense to me to account for this.

She said that because she was so sensitive to sensory data, she felt like she had experienced forty years worth of living instead of only the 24 she'd lived, and that's why she got along so well with people twice her age, because she literally had more in common with them than peope her age.

I love that explanation because I've often said things like "I hate people my age" or "I'll hang out with them when they get more mature" or just musing about how I seemed to share the viewpoints, communication style and preferences of older people so much more than people my own age. I never had an explanation for exactly why this was though just that it seemed to be very common among Aspies.

But since we experience things so acutely in all our senses, since we are so perceptive, since we are such deep thinkers, and probably get more out of our world in terms of pure and simple experience / sensory data / thoughts and feelings in a day than most NTs do in a day or a month (which is why we need so much downtime and processing time), it makes sense to think of us as mentally older or older in a sensory way. We've literally experienced more. I like that.

I tried to look up the verb to experience in the dictionary but it did not give a very good definition. I am trying to think of how to define it. To experience: to sense, to be aware of, to percieve, to understand?Finallly found one decent definition ... (most said to experience: to learn by experience. well, DUH, definitions that use the word in the definition are so useless!) experience: to encounter.

We encounter more because we percieve more.

Thoughts?

I really like this idea. We don't have the instincts to interact socially, therefore we observe and process NT social interactions to such a degree that we actually become wiser. You could compare this to the blind person who has an excellent sense of hearing. I wonder if psychology is a good field for an Aspie based on this ability. We might know NT's better than they know themselves.

Older - or younger. Whatever, just not our own age.

not that way for me. i've always been socially isolated so i don't have that much experience with people and even if i'm more perceptive i don't consider myself a deeper thinker because i don't analyze the data that well and can't draw conclusions. too much information leads to confusion and indecision for myself.

the reason why i get along easier with older people is because i'm very immature and older people let me act like i'm less mature than them and i'm less self conscious then. around peers it's like "what's wrong with you" and with older people it's like "be silly, you're still young, you'll learn and grow up".

And, I might like to add that we get along with people older and younger than we re for differing reasons, some characteristics of which apply specifically to older people, others of which are specifically characteristic to younger people. We like being friends with younger people because their levels of social skills are more in step with our own. And we like beign friends with older people more often they will have some interest and more knowledge about our special interests, which we often know more than our peers about, for example.

I've always had friends that are older or younger than me. Perhaps it's because people one's own age have certain expectations of your behaviour. I've also always got on well with people from other countries, possibly for the same reason.

I think people with Asperger's tend to have quite a mature and wise outlook, people my own age seem to be preoccupied with things that don't concern me like "looking cool" "being in fashion". I just don't fit in with them and will always get ostracised by my own peer group.

As a child I prefered the company of adults. Now that I am an adult, what do I do? I have few friend and little in common with peers.

I think that it'sbecause older people are more behaved, and less obnoxious.

I definitely feel more comfortable around people older than me. Heck I have no friends, but I enjoy hanging around my mom and her friend. The thought of hanging around people my own age or close to it, gives me the willies. I don't understand them, they don't understand me.

Older, younger same diff.

I relate well to children and late teenagers, and people a lot older than me. It's the younger teenagers I find immature. (13-18)

I used to tell myself that older people were more rational - they could be reasoned with, not so with young bullies. I guess that my opinion is nearest to CockneyRebel's.

That's a very interesting way to look at it. I think part of it also has to deal with the fact that our "special interests" are usually very educational or mature topics. I get along with old people very well because I'm such a Frank Sinatra and FDR buff, so I can relate to their interests and experiences. And I think Aspies are just generally attracted to "wisdom" of sorts. I don't know why. I think educated people are very enticing to us.
-OddDuckNash4348-

I've always had younger friends in school,mainly because the kids my age refused to talk to me.

Interesting first post (of the thread).

I have trouble with kids my age while at work. I'm 17, and a carry-out (bagger) at a grocery store, and I can't find it in me to be able to hang out with my peers. But I have a friend at work who is 22 I think, and we get a long great, same as another friend I started to hang out at work who was at least a year or more older (started to hang out with, cuz he got hit by a car recently and hasn't been into work since).

But then again I can keep a conversation going with the middle aged cashiers for quite a while.