Problems with sitting beside people...?

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abstraction
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04 Sep 2011, 10:36 pm

Hello! I've lurked here a while and I wanna thank you guys, you've helped me quiet a bit.
Maybe you can help me with this...I'm not sure if it's asperger's related. I have tremendous trouble sitting by someone. On my couch by a family member, or in the movie theater, etc. I feel like a burden to them and any touch or graze irritates me. I focus on it more than any show/movie that's on. It's particularly problematic when, for example, I go to watch a movie and I realize there's only one place to sit and it's beside someone. I can't exactly turn around and just pretend like I didn't want to watch the movie, I know it makes them feel bad because I've done it before...saying something like "I'd rather sit alone than watch the movie, it's okay" really upsets them I believe, even though I really honestly mean it. I've tried explaining it but I just get told I'm "spoiled" and that's it's silly. I know it's silly and impractical but I can't seem to help it...I'm not sure what to do. It probably seems like a small problem but it really bothers me. Do you think there's some way I can explain it better or overcome it or something? Does anyone else have this problem?



diniesaur
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04 Sep 2011, 10:45 pm

I don't like it when people sit next to me unless it's my mom, my dad, or my baby brother. I don't like to be touched by other people, and it feels so weird I have to wipe it off, which I know offends people, but I have to do it anyway [<--conjunction junction!]. I understand exactly how you feel, but I don't understand why people would call you spoiled if you explained your Asperger's Syndrome to them.



purchase
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04 Sep 2011, 11:49 pm

I'm really weird in that I can't stand sitting next to or getting hugged by my close family members.

The only people I can really stand close physical contact with are people I have at least a bit of a crush on. I don't know what the heck is up with that but it contributes to my feelings of isolation. Most people get a sense of love and affection and belonging from your average hug from a friend but I only like hugs that don't have to stop at hugs. I guess I'm always thinking I want someone to love me in every way possible without reserve and for that reason friends and family seem useless to me affection-wise. I am so messed up.



MakaylaTheAspie
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04 Sep 2011, 11:50 pm

The only person who I will not willingly sit next to is my mom. She pokes me. 8O


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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05 Sep 2011, 3:43 am

This really gets to me. My daughter goes to 2 after-school classes in leisure centres with very limited seating for parents waiting for their kids. Inevitably I end up sitting much closer to someone than I would like. At one centre, I used to go to an area upstairs, where few people seemed to know about, which was great. But the seats have now been taken downstairs. Last week, someone sat next to me and I was holding a cup of tea. I worried that she might knock me or the cup and I would end up being scalded. So within a few seconds, I got up and looked for somewhere else. I found a single bench in an empty corridor. Then there's the awkward silences when I'm sitting next to someone who doesn't appear to want to talk (I like to talk when I'm not reading or doing a puzzle). When that happens, I'll go for a walk.



Last edited by Mummy_of_Peanut on 05 Sep 2011, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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05 Sep 2011, 12:29 pm

I don't mind people who I know sitting next to me. But having strangers sitting next to me is annoying to me. When I'm on a bench, or a bus, or in the cinema, or at a restaurant (that's the worst!) Actually, once we went into a very crowded McDonald's, and it was raining so we couldn't eat outside, and the only places left to sit was at a long table with stools to sit at, and there were people sitting opposite us, literally about 25 centimetres away from us, so they were right in your face. But even my family who I was with didn't think much to sitting right opposite other people and eating. You can't enjoy your food properly.


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Ellytoad
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05 Sep 2011, 1:11 pm

I do not like it.
I just... don't. -_-



LuxoJr
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06 Sep 2011, 2:16 am

I have a fictional bubble that goes out at least a foot around me, depending on who I'm sitting next to, that EVERYONE just loves to intrude on.
When I sit next to someone, there is no exception to the bubble, unless I am forced to sit close to someone (ie. in a cramped car).
I am no longer bothered by hugs because my friends have been hugging me so much against my will that I've gotten used to the feeling. But sitting next to someone is a whole different story. And for some reason, sitting next to other girls is worse than guys. Not sure why.

@MakaylaTheAspie LOL wow


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MarketAndChurch
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06 Sep 2011, 3:36 am

the human presence is very distracting to me, I loose focus and my brain is scrambled a bit. You are right about feeling obligated, I almost feel like I have to do something or say something or be something when I sit down next to someone, and their touch sometimes gives me sensory overload I'm not quite sure what to tell you other then... if it's something your seeking to enjoy, do it by yourself or with people who are aware of this aspect of you and respect it. Otherwise... when with a crowd, it's more about the crowd and the social aspect of it then the actual activity their engaging in, unless that activity lends itself somehow to the social nature of the crowd like binge drinking winning you praise, etc.


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johnsmcjohn
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06 Sep 2011, 5:16 am

I cannot stand sitting next to someone. I cannot describe it other than to say it's like I am next to a hunk of plutonium. I feel this weird energy and I desperately want to run away. Most of the time I'd rather walk than endure that experience.



kahlua
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06 Sep 2011, 5:39 am

I hate sitting next to people. It really annoys me when someone sits next to me in a dr waiting room, for example. and there are plenty of other places to sit that aren't next to me.

Maybe its the cat effect, where cats love the cat phobic\haters and won't leave them alone.

I creep to the edge of the chair away from the person as much as possible.



FearOfMusic
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06 Sep 2011, 3:27 pm

This really bothers me too! Whenever someone sits on a couch with me I focus almost all my energy into not touching them. I will cross my arms and try get as close to the edge of the couch as possible, trying to make myself take up as small of a surface area on as possible. I do this to the point that I am physically uncomfortable because of my body posture. The other person always seems to slide closer and closer to you and I end up feeling like I am inside the trash compactor on the Death Star from Star Wars or something. (Minus the creepy snake creature.)


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BobTheCat420
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07 Sep 2011, 12:10 am

All my life I've been uncomfortable sitting(or standing) too close to anyone, the only exeption being a girl I'm attracted to. When I was a kid I was horrible in the car or taking a family picture, and I would throw a fit if one of my brothers touched my leg with his(usually on purpose). Nowadays I avoid it when I can and deal with it when I can't. There are occasions were I go out of my way not to sit right next to one of my friends and I get the "you can sit here, I'm not going to bite" comment. Maybe because they're my friend they get a little offended, but the comments make it really akward for me. So it's either offend them or sit next to them and be uncomfortable.



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07 Sep 2011, 1:20 am

Not really, but it is very annoying to have someone sitting behind me and kicking my seat.


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MakaylaTheAspie
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07 Sep 2011, 1:23 am

LuxoJr wrote:
@MakaylaTheAspie LOL wow


I know! She is relentless! I think I'll try to get a video of her doing it to me... :lol:


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windchime
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01 Jan 2012, 2:55 pm

It seems like this is an issue for a significant number of us. I have a huge problem with sitting next to strangers too, especially on public transport, planes etc if the person seems to be encroaching on my space. I don't mind as much if the stranger is respectful about it and there are no other seats and tries to take up as little space as possible - I will do the same, but it is the people who insist on spreading out, widening their legs and taking up the arm rests who get to me. I also get annoyed if there are many empty seats and a stranger decides to sit next to me and feel intimidated if someone stands too close or tries to lean against me or my seat. I have similar issues on a plane if someone reclines in the seat in front of me or a stranger next to me spreads out into my area of the seat. People think I am being rude but it is actually extremely distressing to me. In my eyes it is they who are being rude for not respecting my space when I am trying to respect theirs. Unfortunately, I often experience selective muteness when it happens and can not articulate my discomfort in an effective manner and I have noticied some meanspirited people will actually push more and make the situation worse when they see it aggravates me.. In extreme situations, I feel it will lead to a meltdown but so far I have been lucky. I wish that airlines and public transportation networks would recognize our disability and make accomodations for those of us who have this problem.