The autism social rule book.

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Been there and done that though not quite with that exact wording lol

What happened when you asked that?

I can only guess the mother was upset.

#??? Just because you are polite and courteous to an NT does not mean that they will return the favor or even understand your request (I asked someone to please calm down today and she defiantly told me no).

Interrupting others talking is considered rude, except in case of an actual emergency (fire etc) if you need to ask someone something wait close by until the person has finished speaking (or a pause in the conversation) and then say excuse me.

The lunch room at work can be particularly difficult, everyone seems so relaxed and candid, its easy to say the wrong thing here. Stick to topics of conversation that others raise, eat food slowly give you something to do with hands / mouth, only avoid the lunchroom occasionally otherwise colleagues will think you are avoiding them.

Social interaction should be a spontaneous, natural expression of yourself and your feelings, only follow the rules when you have to (at work, where you are being paid to do a job) and be yourself the rest of the time. Those that truly appreciate you when you are yourself are your real friends.

When you go to a job interview at an educational institution and they ask you for an example of your 'exceptionally good attention to detail' do not tell them that while you were in the lobby waiting for the interview you read every single plaque on the wall and spotted three spelling mistakes and two grammatical errors, one of which they had been walking past for six years and not noticed and you strongly believe that educational institutions should maintain the highest standards in their written material.

You may think that it is a perfect example that they can check very easily to establish that you are telling the truth but in reality they will be very insulted and you won't get the job.

If you make it clear you would like friendships and someone offers the hand of friendship to you as a result, don't insult them.
You will upset them and make them wish they hadn't bothered.

When someone compliments you. The proper answer is thank you... Not why does everyone say that. Or yeah I know. A simple thank you.

It's not normal for a coworker to sidle up and lean against you while you're working. However, it's okay for your close friends to do things like this sometimes, if you're comfortable with it.

If you have a lot of education and you're applying for a menial job, don't list your degrees on your resume or talk about them. Your employer will think you're overqualified and planning to quit when something better comes along. Also, he/she will probably have less education than you and therefore feel threatened.

Knowledge is power. If you tell people about yourself, you give them power over you, so don't confide in anyone who hasn't earned your trust. That way, when your enemies make up stories about you, trying to get you in trouble, they won't make sense to the people who really know you. For example, at my last job certain coworkers were bullying and harrassing me in all kinds of ways, and tried to get me fired by telling my boss that I was a drug addict. Since I had confided in him (and only him) a bit about myself, they looked really stupid and ended up being "laid off" themselves before long.

NTs respond to confidence. They don't really care what you say or how many mistakes you make, as long as you project confidence, you can get away with anything. I have had great success by mimicking the mannerisms of the most authoritative, socially adept people I know, eg: being the first one to say "Hey, how are you?" instead of waiting to be spoken to. Ironically, the most effective persona I ever adopted was one of the coworkers described above, who turned out to be a sex predator.

Try saying "You know what I mean?" if you're in the middle of a monologue. It tells NTs, "I'm including you in this conversation." Most of the time they will nod and say "mm hmm" and let you go on, or they will try to make a relevant comment of their own, unless you are bewildering them. It also gives them the opportunity to tell you, "No, actually I don't. I really like that painting, I don't think it's crap." Then you can apologize and explain yourself, rather than having them go away seething and plotting to undermine you for the rest of your life while you wonder what went wrong.

When a small child gives you something that belongs to them and says you can have it, do not take it literal. They will want it back and plus their parents have to be okay with them giving away their things. Just say "thank you" and leave it there when you leave.

I dunno if I have said this yet:

When you post something and if people get all offended, do not blame it on your AS or even mention you have it. It will make it look like you are using it as an excuse to be a jerk. We already have enough people thinking people use Asperger's as an excuse to be a jerk.

Don't talk behind people's backs.

I made that mistake like two weeks ago, and I am 41. Shame on me.

Actually you can do that but I hear you have to be very careful when you do it and there are actually social rules about it. My husband told me there are certain places you can do it at like if he had a bad day at work, he can come home and talk to me about it and it stays at home, I don't go repeating it to anyone else and no one else knows about it. When you are in the doctor's office, it's okay to talk badly about people because that is what therapy is for and it stays in that office. The therapist won't repeat it.

I was also told you have to be very careful who you talk too when you are talking behind someone's back and it is true because you never know if that person could go repeating that story to someone else such as to the person whom you talked bad about.


Also when someone asks for your opinion about another person, be careful when answering because that person could just be asking you so they can go repeat it to that person and paint you as a bad person failing to mention they asked for your opinion. This happened to me in high school and after a while I stopped answering them.

Also never post your rants about a person anywhere online, not even on Facebook on your wall or in notes because then it gets seen as cyberbullying if the person finds out you wrote about them or if their friends see it. Unless the blog is private, I suppose it be okay.

Be careful when you post in a thread that is about a person, you could be seen as part of the cyber bullying too.

Good point, but in this case, I meant it literally: don't talk behind people's backs. The person was in front of me, and I asked him a question, and he turned around, not sure if I was talking to him or not.

Some people are too violent, or in positions of power and cannot be confronted directly.

Don't talk for too long about your own"special interests". Most other people aren't interested at all because they think what YOU like is stupid, even though it isn't. However, you must force yourself to pretend to be interested in whatever garbage they happen to be interested in at that moment, like some hideous TV reality show they like to watch. Ask them questions like "how was your weekend?" or "how was work today?" then make sure to make eye contact and nod or smile or whatever because people like it when you act like you're enjoying their coma-inducing side of the conversation. Even better (if you can stand it), ask them things like "Wow, then what happened?" And then when this torture is finally over, give yourself a pat on the back (not literally or they'll think you're weird) for your acting skills!
...at least, that's what I had to learn to do.

a)
Stop talking/thinking about things once their time has passed. If the subject has changed do not allow the other subject to occupy your mind so much that you end up not paying attention or blurting out something about it, even if you believe what you have to say is interesting and/or important. In my experience, it will not produce the desired effect.

b)
I know it's been said before but DO NOT talk about "social rules" with other people, unless of course it's a close friend and they're helping you to understand situations and the like. I'm not exactly sure why it bothers people...but from MANY encounters I don't feel it's a good idea.

c)
If you think of/learn/find something that you believe is funny, interesting, or otherwise, do not "prepare" to tell it to someone. For example, if you won't see them for a few days or so do not allow yourself to become consumed with telling it to them. I usually find that it builds up and I expect more and more of it, only to realize that they find it rather mundane and don't seem to be as -insert adjective- as i expected, which causes quite a bit of disappointment.

I'm really trying to work on social skills so if you disagree with anything or note any circumstances where my "rules" wouldn't have good effect, let me know please.