I HATE ASPERGER'S

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I hate the fact that socializing doesn't come natural to me and that society doesn't fully understand Asperger's. It feels like i am judged for having a condition that i never asked for. It is worse when you already have anxiety and get this diagnosis. The fact that body language is hard to read. What is the worst thing about having Asperger's?

The anxiety and the meltdowns that come along with it. What society expects in people and require such as friends and people who know you well and you lack that because of your AS. So it makes getting jobs harder for you.

Also the relationships, it's so hard to do.

You don't have AS on top of your Anxiety - Your anxiety is caused by your autism. Its a very subtle thing, but living in a world full of people you never really fully understand and can't effectively communicate with creates a near constant state of anxiety, some moments worse than others. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 49; the first time I described a situation to my therapist and she said "How long have you been having these anxiety attacks?", it was an epiphany for me. I had lived with that level of constant tension for so many years, I wasn't even aware of just how stressed out I was all the time.

To me, the worst thing about AS (aside from everybody pronouncing it ass-burgers when its really ahz-pair-gur Syndrome) is the fact that even after people have been told that you have an autism spectrum disorder - even after it has been explained to them in detail, repeatedly - they still treat you like there's nothing wrong with you and you're just a whiny excuse-making loser when you tell them you can't do something that seems simple to them. The fact that AS is invisible and no one really ever believes you have a handicap if you're not paraplegic or visibly mentally ret*d, that is the worst thing about it.

I discovered after four decades of taking verbal abuse from parents, teachers, employers and even friends for a condition I couldn't explain to anyone, that my problem had a name - that it wasn't just that I was personally a weakling and a loser, but that I had actually been born with a neurological disorder that explained it all! I was thrilled to finally understand why so many 'simple' things had always been so difficult - I thought 'finally, people will have to understand that I have a disability and cut me some slack.' Wrong!

Not to sound callous or anything, but I think this topic belongs in General Autism discussion or The Haven.

Moved to General Autism Discussion

Oh god, job interviews.
I ask myself sometimes... would I give up my whole personality, imagination and all, just to be what the world considers a normal, well-adjusted person? And I find myself seriously contemplating the answer. For the moment, I say NO, but other times, when I'm particularly sad, I think "oh, what I wouldn't give to be like everybody else. For my parents to be proud of me. To have friends! Friends!"

Impulsiveness, lack of attention, meltdowns and, sometimes, problems with communication (I'm misunderstood by some people).

the worst is being penalized for things I don't understand. It's like a cruel joke. All of society is in on it, and they're having sport with me. Any thing I do is wrong and subject to judgement and either ridicule or contempt. And since I don't know what the rules are, there is no way I can win.

Oh gosh I feel you there , Its good to see others who are experiencing the same

Oh, don't get me started on this!
I think half the members here know I'm an Autism hater. For some people, Autism is great, especially when one doesn't care much for people and is intelligent or confident enough to find his or her own path in life and can dig right into a special interest and make a good career out of it. That goes for anybody really. But I'm not very confident, I'm not very ambitious, I'm not very bright for an Aspie, and lacking social skills aswell really puts the tin hat on. At least for most NTs, if one's not very bright or confident or ambitious, at least they have social skills to keep them going, and if they're shy they still have that sort of social knack in them, even if they still find socialising hard or boring. And at least mundane day-to-day life is more natural to them. I even struggle at that. I find it hard to know what clothes to wear, because the fashion and it's rules keep on changing and I don't like standing out, (which is so awkward when you're both clueless and self-conscious at the same time). I really hate it. I wish I didn't have Asperger's. I hate it, and I can't believe I have it. There's so many things that I frown upon now, and I know there is more to come. When I'm in a bad mood and someone's brat starts up a tantrum near me, I get very ratty and I show it - then regret it afterwards. I just cannot help myself. I want filter systems built into me. I want natural social skills. I don't like this nervous unconfident monotone voice I sometimes use. Ohh, it really annoys me! Gives me a sore throat!

I want to be NT. I'm not saying NTs are better or worse than me. I'm not saying NTs never have any problems (because they do!) In fact, NTs have more problems than me, but can deal with them better - and tiny small things don't have such an affect on them, whereas tiny small things can seem like the end of the world to me. I feel like a 5-year-old. When a little kid drops a lolly-pop, it's such a big massive issue for them. Same with me. Plus I've got all the adult problems to worry about too on top of it, (the stuff what NTs worry about), like jobs, social lives, money, etc.
That is why I want to be NT.

I don't suffer from AS, I suffer from other people.

Well, yeh, so I do really. All of my anxieties are caused by other people and their thinking and intentions. I'm nervous of getting a job, not because of what the work will entail, but because of what the other people will be like towards me. And I'm anxious about what hours I will get, not because I want to get home early to rest, but because I don't like the thought of walking alone in the dark when all the weirdos come out, and the gangs all hang about and most of the shops are shut. See - it's always PEOPLE that make me anxious, never what I do. I can't swim, but if I was put into a swimming-pool alone with no other people, I wouldn't get all anxious because of being unable to swim. Water doesn't judge me like people do.

I suppose I'm my own worst enemy really - I don't like being alone yet I'm afraid of people. Oh dear - doesn't sound like I'm going to have a very fun life, does it?

The worst thing about AS is, well, I couldn't say. I'm not one to sit and dwell on the can'ts. Instead, I keep going. Keep focusing on the can's and how-to's. Some things in life you just do. Focusing on the moment is one of those things.

Right now for me it's that I feel all alone. I try to talk to my parents about it (mainly the only ones who know) and they don't want to listen cuz this stuff is hereditary & they do have some similar problems. Earlier this year before I figured this out I was dead set on trying to do something about my severe social anxiety. I could never verbalize it. They didn't understand how I couldn't do simple things with people. One day I found a site online with a pitch perfect 1st hand description. I printed it out & said "this is how I feel all of the time". They looked horrified. "Well you put everything on here except the cure". Exactly. I've been trying to "fix myself" for half of my life. If I had an answer I wouldn't have been bothering them.

I also sympathize with other points that have been made in this thread.

Poor empathy, face blindness, behind-the-glass-wall feeling, being misunderstood, lack of spontaneous reactions, extreme analysing everything.

But generally I like myself as an Aspie.