"you've only just figured this out now?"

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and it goes on....


when i am told by someone that they "will email me over the summer" or whatever, and seemingly that means "i dont want to speak to you. ever.", whereas what i HEAR is "i will email you over the summer. at some point"

and upon speaking to someone else about this, ive only just figured out what this means, seemingly.... *confused.com*

Yeppppp gotta love them bulls**t mind games, eh?

When they specify they'll do something over some fairly long time period, you can bet they mean they're not going to do it. Unless, of course, it's some "serious" matter (Like signing business contracts or doing construction work. I don't think "Yeah, I'll build your house over the summer." *snickers* would fly too well.).

Popular ways of saying it include...

"Sometime in the future"

"Sometime"

"Probably in about a year"

"Let's try... forever." (More explicit version)

The reason this is is because if it's something that someone *wants* to do, they'll do it right away so by saying they'll do it in a long time from now, they're implying they don't want to do it at all.

which is worse- being lied to in the form of a deferred brush-off ["you're nice, i'll call you sometime."] versus being honestly but coldly told right off, "you suck! i want nothing more to do with you EVER!"?

I call that leading someone on. There should be nothing to "figure out" when the statement is so plainly said like that. If one's words are misinterpreted, then one's manner of communicating is subpar.

lol. That's like saying between someone who's not deaf talking with someone who's deaf that it's the talker's responsibility that the deaf person cannot hear. Ummm, no, it's obviously the deaf person that has the problem. And, if the person who's deaf doesn't let the talker know that he's deaf, than that's his fault for misleading the talker into thinking he'd understand.

So when I say something like this, then actually do email like I said I would, or I wouldn't said it at all, what is the emailee's reaction? That I am a creepy stalker with ulterior motives, since I originally "told" them that I wasn't going to speak to them again, ever? I wonder how many times I've done this in the past. Probably many.

There was probably a "hesitant" or "reluctant" tone of voice that the OP missed. If you said it with a "nice tone of voice", they'll probably think you're serious; if you do it with an indecipherable tone of voice, they'll likely think you're weird or unpredictable. Unpredictable can't be a bad thing... it gives you more options, lol.

Tell me about it.

tbh, i'd rather have the second one, at least u know where u stand . ie with someone u probly shouuldnt be with in the first place.

Ya, well.... Pretty much whenever anyone says that it generally means that it's not going to happen. Unfortunately. No matter how nicely they say it *sigh*. Unless they actually do contact you within like a week, but that doesn't usually happen. Like others said, unless they give a specific time frame for when they want said thing to happen, it's usually a blow off. Just one more piece of that maddeningly frustrating social language to learn.

"I'll ring you, I promise" (usually to a girl that will never figure out she was simply a one night stand) or "We'll put your information on file" (usually a company that never wants to see you again but where the boss doesn't have the balls to say that you are completely the wrong person for the job)

There are lots of these ridiculous little sayings with completely the opposite meaning, after a while it does get easier to translate them but there are certain few that will always elude.

I actually said similar to a girl once, I didn't mean it to mean I would never contact her...I much prefer email and IM to phones...unfortunately, that is not the way she took it

(I actually said "I hate phones, I won't call you"...how in the world can that be mistranslated to your are an ugly fat cow and I never want to see you again??!)

I guess it is another of my endless conversational screw-ups to jot down in my mental diary... "she doesn't get it...never do that again..."

i usually do this to people who annoy me but i don't wanna let down.. if that makes sense
mostly i just send them a mail at that period saying''HOW ARE YOU? hope hearing from you in the winter! BYE

Erm, unless you're looking via the social model of disability when it is the fact that the speaker is not using a common (sign) language that is the 'problem'.

Imagine: a Russian speaker and a Thai speaker meet in France, they try to have a conversation but both are speaking their native language. Whose is the 'problem'? There's no blame there, they just can't communicate.

They then discover they can both speak English and have a stilted conversation, but at least they're getting somewhere.

It's not a case of who is right or normal, and who is wrong or has the problem.

Meeting halfway in a language we're all equally rubbish at is the way forward!

Bull****!

It means what it means. When people don't do what they say they will, it means they're a liar.

I think maybe the person wanted to e-mail you, but it just drowned in all the other stuff that occupies peoples lives. That happens to everybody. I would contact the person if I were you. There is probably no problem at all. Anyways, thats the best way to find out, but I would start with a positive and uncomplicated attitude.