First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I am mostly NT (there's a spectrum on this side, too) and I bet many NT's who think they can spot Aspies are wrong. I base this on NT's who think they are good at spotting gay people or transsexuals. I think most of us only notice the exceptionally noticeable. Just because you recognize that two women wearing Doc Martens, crew -cut hair and flannel shirts and holding hands are Lesbians doesn't mean you have "gaydar".

We do not HAVE to pay as close attention to casual encounters as you do, and so often we don't!

Only after enough interaction where multiple social cues are missed or misinterpreted does it sometimes become obvious. And only to those of us who have some familiarity with the traits you show. If most NTs could recognize that you have Aspergers you wouldn't get so many of those weird reactions !

There are probably lots of honest answers to this question, but here's mine: Because we would feel too vulnerable, sort of too exposed if we were totally direct and honest. We know we would be thought of as rude, odd or worse. We are socialized/trained to think this way, very similar to what you are still going through. We just had an easier time picking up on it as kids. "Acting right" became so automatic we don't even know we are acting. (I wonder if learning to do it so well is really such a great thing?) We are a bit confused and embarrassed when you confront us with this reality. So we smile condescendingly and say, "oh millie..." I don't know if that is a good enough reason for you to stop asking, do you?

Last edited by KellyinKentucky on 18 Sep 2011, 7:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is a work related thing - but I would like an NT perspective if possible.

I am a seamtress in a busy bridal/prom wear shop. My work load is dictated by the shop staff. They may book a person in for dress alteration that I have to do that day despite the fact that there are already 4 or 5 other dresses that need to be completed by the end of the day. In other words I walk through the door in the morning thinking 'right I've got to work hard today to get those dresses done by the end of the day', and then someone says 'Oh, by the way, you've got alts on the day today'.

My instant internal reaction is one of extreme anger and I dissapear quickly to my workroom where I want to start smashing the place up because my head says 'how bloody inconsiderate and rude. I would NEVER treat you that way. I work hard as it is - why do you not even have the decency to tell me this in advance so that I can feel prepered?!'

As an NT - what would your reaction be if you were in my position? You know you already have a lot to do - you strive to try and get ahead because you feel a little more relaxed when you can achieve this - but others just go 'right your doing this today!' How could I have found a way to deal with this situation?

I say found and not find because after 3 years of this - I've given my notice in and leave on the 14th of October. I don't have another job lined up yet apart from sewing at home for some customers of my own!

NT mom to a 14 yr. old Aspie with a question
One of my biggest worries about my son is not him actually getting a job but getting through a job interview. A good job interview (I've been on many) is so difficult to pull off - how did you do it? Are you good at it? How did you get good at it?
Thanks!

I'm not a diagnosed aspie - but feel that I am aspie. I have usually done ok at interviews (as in - I usually get offered the job in most cases). I will point out that these have never been 'high flying' jobs so don't know how I would do if they were!

At one time while going for various interviews I was offered 3 jobs and I was able to choose the one I wanted the most!
That said - no two Aspies are the same just like no two NTs are the same - maybe just similar.

Thanks for the reply Sowlowsolo,
If I could dig a little deeper - since a big part of the job interview can be making a good impression did you do anything to "lessen" or "disguise "(for lack of a better word?) your really blatant Aspie tendencies (if any) ?

True that Aspies are as different as NTs but it just seems like some of my son's Aspie tendencies (poor eye contact, delay in responding, abruptness, straight out honesty (or what NTs consider "rude") would put him at a huge disadvantage in nailing any job interviews

congrats on all the job offers...you must have some valuable skills that employers want and must know how to interview well

I improved my job interview skills by participating in job workshops, where they actually conducted a mock interview with me, videotaped it, and then played it back so that we could focus on what I was doing wrong. That really helped me a lot. We also went over a list of possible things the potential employer might say, and a list of responses on my part.

I think that my Aspie tendencies are not obvious straight away. I can be very polite, friendly, interested and enthusiastic in small doses. Not because I'm a total fake but because this is how I actually am and feel - unfortunatly - it's after I have got the job and then try to adapt to the people and situations that I'm faced with that things start to go bad!

If your son goes for jobs that he wants to do and feels that he can do then his Asperger's shouldn't be a problem at least at the interview stage.

Maybe you get angry because it feels to you like they are being dismissive of, or do not have respect for your plans. The need to plan the day's work and prioritze our tasks is a very common need, or at least preference. But while some people can easily reprioritize as the demands of the job change, you are not one of them. To be required to do so messes up your day. This requirement is necessary to the success of the business and cannot change. So, you are in a job that requires getting a lot of your days messed up this way. Your job would probably be a good one for a seamstress who is less organized, and has the personality type to "take it as it comes". I don't see how you could deal with the situation unless you could give up being very organized. Being very organized is ,of course, a necessary and valuable skill in many jobs. This one just sounds like a bad fit for you.

Last edited by KellyinKentucky on 18 Sep 2011, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Great idea. Where will we be able to find it?

Wow - good idea but mammoth task to take on! - well done - wish you all the best with it

I am aware that you are right when you say that the requirement is necessary to the success of the business and cannot change. Therefore I guess my decision to leave (which I have had the desire to do since about 6 months into the job) is the right move. I have been able to develop my skills over the past 3 years - maybe now I can make a living from them - and be in control of the day to day work load.

Thank you for your reply

I've not been diagnosed with A/S either, but have many of the traits. Surprisingly, I do relatively well in job interviews and I think the main reason is that they are primarily in a question/answer format. I can answer questions easily enough, it's just the general social give-and-take and small talk that I have problems with. I never know what I'm supposed to say. Fortunately I haven't run across that too much in the job interviews I've done. There might be a little of that at first but it's mostly just 'did you have any trouble finding the office', 'how was the traffic', etc. Just make sure he knows that the proper response to these types of questions is 'oh, no, no trouble at all' and 'it was fine', etc., even if he got lost and drove around for an hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Also, I work in the IT field, which is more tolerant of those of us who are different, so that proabably makes a difference as well. If I were interviewing for a sales position, I'm sure my experience would be much different.

Good Point! Because my son, the truth machine, would want to tell them he did have trouble finding the place and tell them they should have given him better directions or something like that

Thanks for the input!

Yeah, I've had a few jobs that were unpredictable in terms of work load. Well, some of them could be more predictable if the management had listened months before about big potential for future problems. But they didn't, and I got stuck with having to make a bug fix that shut down an entire weekend of my life for no extra pay. *sigh*

Here's what I've done before:

"It helps me be more efficient and productive if I can plan ahead a little more. Is it possible to give me a little more lead time so I can plan for what might be coming?"

Ah, but only you know the character of your boss. Some are so insecure that no matter how gently and politely you phrase such a request, you can plan on being screwed.

Still, if you'd asked me that I would take it as, "Oh, perhaps I'm not planning well myself and I should try to get a little more organized and less in fire-fighting mode."

Or at least your boss would have the opportunity to explain to you why the job makes it unavoidable to have stuff lobbed at you randomly sometimes. Then you know it isn't the boss being inconsiderate and it ain't personal at least.

Of course the other alternative to trying to get your boss work with you in this way is what you've done: update your resume.

Sometimes that's the best alternative.



You may well find you make more money for yourself that way. Good luck!

I'm NT but I've quite gotten over any desire to work somewhere where I need to deal with the worst of office politics and be shat upon because those above me can't manage their own jobs.

I haven't been able to work for a while, but my next career is going to be tutoring in the sciences and math. I live 1 mile from a HS chock full of prospective clients. I don't have to leave home. I work as many hours as I like.

If I went out and got a regular job I'd be lucky now to make 1/4 per hour of what I'd make tutoring, and I'd have to deal with the stupid office politics.

I've never actually thought of my self-injuring as an AS type behaviour. But since it is an issue, I'll try to answer this to the best of my ability.

To be honest, it really depends on the child. Do they like uninitiated physical contact, or does it freak them out? If they find it unpleasant, I'd recommend a verbal cue. Your child will probably find it annoying either way, but if it interrupts the self-injury, it's worth it. Also try to come up with alternative self-soothing behaviours. For example, I personally sort smooth rocks when I'm stressed, instead of picking at my skin. Repetitive activities that reflects your child's interests are the best alternatives.
I hope this helps!