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Do you agree with parents who know, but don't tell?

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Do you agree with parents who know the childs diagnosis but won't tell them until they are "old enough"
yes 15%  15%  [ 7 ]
no 85%  85%  [ 41 ]
Total votes : 48

bluebandit
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15 Oct 2011, 10:39 am

Pretending your kid doesn't have an ASD is likely almost always harmful. Do parents of dyslexic kids hide diagnosis to preserve little Johnny's reading confidence? It's absurd.



MakaylaTheAspie
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15 Oct 2011, 2:46 pm

I was told about a month or two after I was diagnosed. (I was only 10, though, so I guess I was old enough.)


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RockDrummer616
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15 Oct 2011, 7:34 pm

MrXxx wrote:
RockDrummer616 wrote:
Looks like I'm in the minority here. I think that if you tell someone, especially a young child, that they are different than everyone else, it will hurt their self-esteem. Also, children would be likely to tell their friends, who would make fun of them for it or even abandon them. Eventually they need to know, but there is a right time.


Listen to those of us who were not told. We already knew we were different. When your parents tell you you aren't, or dismiss those feelings, and don't tell you the truth, the damage done from that is far worse than the damage caused by ignorance in other children.

Take my case for example. Nobody knew about AS when I was a child. everyone told me I was just like everyone else, but I knew it wasn't so. I STILL got bullied. Not being told didn't prevent it.

In my case, my parents simply did not know. If they had, and I found out later that they never shared their knowledge with me, that would have damaged my relationship with them. Not only would I have grown up being bullied anyway, I would also have had the added weight of parents who did not tell me the truth.

I'm absolutely positive there are plenty of users on WP who have actually gone through this that can verify it.

The reasons you give for not telling don't cut mustard, because those things are highly likely to happen whether the child knows or not.

Remember that "feeling different" is an extremely common experience to almost all of us, even before we knew anything about AS. Knowing or not knowing rarely has anything to do with it.


I understand your point, and I don't feel extremely strongly about my view; in fact, I am conflicted about this topic. This is why I don't plan on ever having a kid.


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MrXxx
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15 Oct 2011, 8:01 pm

RockDrummer616 wrote:
I understand your point, and I don't feel extremely strongly about my view; in fact, I am conflicted about this topic. This is why I don't plan on ever having a kid.


Well, that may change over time. I put it off for a long time (35 when my first was born). I am now fifty-one. didn't intend to push the idea of telling them on you either, though I admit to hoping you'd be swayed at least a little.

I had the added advantage of having an Aunt almost the same age as me, with Downs Syndrome, who was told by my grandparents that she had it, beginning at a pretty young age for someone with Down's. I saw how much it helped her to know, so by the time my own kids were born and diagnosed, it was a no-brainer for me. If a kid with Down's can handle it, a kid with HFA certainly ought to be able.


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jackbus01
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16 Oct 2011, 10:24 am

MrXxx wrote:
RockDrummer616 wrote:
I understand your point, and I don't feel extremely strongly about my view; in fact, I am conflicted about this topic. This is why I don't plan on ever having a kid.


Well, that may change over time. I put it off for a long time (35 when my first was born). I am now fifty-one. didn't intend to push the idea of telling them on you either, though I admit to hoping you'd be swayed at least a little.

I had the added advantage of having an Aunt almost the same age as me, with Downs Syndrome, who was told by my grandparents that she had it, beginning at a pretty young age for someone with Down's. I saw how much it helped her to know, so by the time my own kids were born and diagnosed, it was a no-brainer for me. If a kid with Down's can handle it, a kid with HFA certainly ought to be able.


Well, kids know there is something different about them compared to others. I always, from a very early age knew I was different somehow--I just didn't know why until I was a lot older. Withholding information has no advantage, but does have the added disadvantage of possible raising issues of trust.



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16 Oct 2011, 2:52 pm

My daughter is only 5yrs old and knows she is different from her classmates. I never said it to her, she told me. When she was finishing Primary 1, the class were asked to write a letter to their Primary 2 teacher, describing themselves. She said, 'I'm different, because my brain works different and works slow'. This brought a tear to my eye. She knows she's going to speech and language therapy and that most kids don't go for this. She's really smart and asks a lot of questions, so it would be hard to keep her in the dark. So far, I haven't mentioned autism or Aspergers, but I will if and when she finally gets a diagnosis.


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oddone
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16 Oct 2011, 4:58 pm

My parents couldn't deal with the idea of having a defective child, so my autism was denied and everything was my fault. I'm not in the mood to forgive, and probably never will be.