I recognize but don't react to people's emotions

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swbluto
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16 Oct 2011, 8:53 pm

Today, one of our customers was angry at me as I could tell from her tone of voice, but I didn't really feel any "gut" reactions to it. Furthermore, when I went to the customer to meet them face to face, they were a bit mad as I could tell from her facial expressions but I didn't "feel" it, and I neither cowered nor acted apologetic, I was simply direct and straightforward and tried to resolve the misunderstanding. She later retreated in her house from the interaction because I could tell she was feeling a bit weirded out by what I assume was an "abnormal" response behavior (My ToM might've impaired my ability to understand her, as she kept bringing up points I didn't quite understand the relevance of.)

I wonder if this is common for autistic people? What about neurotypicals? What about eargly-stage schizophrenics?



Kiseki
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16 Oct 2011, 10:02 pm

I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


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swbluto
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16 Oct 2011, 10:17 pm

Kiseki wrote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


Hmmmm... you must be thinking of a different concept when you use the word "empathy", because I'm pretty sure empathy is associated with emotional mirroring. And, it's quite possible for aspies to have empathy according to the research, especially females.



Kiseki
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16 Oct 2011, 10:26 pm

swbluto wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


Hmmmm... you must be thinking of a different concept when you use the word "empathy", because I'm pretty sure empathy is associated with emotional mirroring. And, it's quite possible for aspies to have empathy according to the research, especially females.


I don't know what it is. Like, if someone is crying in front of me, I don't console them. I just want to run away. I become very uncomfortable. I feel a general atmosphere of sadness, as if it's hanging in the air, but it's not a focused sadness for them. I think the atmosphere of the emotion is what makes me uncomfortable.


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swbluto
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16 Oct 2011, 10:37 pm

Kiseki wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


Hmmmm... you must be thinking of a different concept when you use the word "empathy", because I'm pretty sure empathy is associated with emotional mirroring. And, it's quite possible for aspies to have empathy according to the research, especially females.


I don't know what it is. Like, if someone is crying in front of me, I don't console them. I just want to run away. I become very uncomfortable. I feel a general atmosphere of sadness, as if it's hanging in the air, but it's not a focused sadness for them. I think the atmosphere of the emotion is what makes me uncomfortable.


I've seen research that said one plausible theory is that some AS individuals end up overwhelmed with emotions, and so they effectively withdraw from emotional situations making them look unempathetic when they are mirroring emotions.

In your case, I wonder if your discomfort stems from disapproval from other people in your past? Like, say you tried to console someone who was crying, and they ended up lashing out at you (because maybe you didn't understand that they were crying because of you?) and so you've become quite uncomfortable around sad people. It might not be the case, but I wonder.



Zexion
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16 Oct 2011, 11:48 pm

Quote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment.
I can relate to this. I also adjust to my environment like a chameleon - It makes me feel like I'm in a world that I don't belong to sometimes..



Kiseki
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17 Oct 2011, 12:02 am

swbluto wrote:
In your case, I wonder if your discomfort stems from disapproval from other people in your past? Like, say you tried to console someone who was crying, and they ended up lashing out at you (because maybe you didn't understand that they were crying because of you?) and so you've become quite uncomfortable around sad people. It might not be the case, but I wonder.


No, I don't think that ever happened to me. I've just always felt uncomfortable with extreme displays of emotion, when they are right in front of me. The odd thing is this is exactly the sort of thing of gravitate towards in TV, film and music. All of my favorite singers are those who are very very openly emotional. Weird.

Sorry your initial question has gotten ignored!


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Ettina
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17 Oct 2011, 7:35 am

Not meaning this to offend or anything, but that sounds like how psychopaths tend to react to other people's emotions. See this post for example.



jackbus01
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17 Oct 2011, 7:57 am

Emotional Contagion is what we are talking about:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion

I have to ask the obvious question: Do you really care how your customers feel?



nemorosa
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17 Oct 2011, 8:01 am

Kiseki wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


Hmmmm... you must be thinking of a different concept when you use the word "empathy", because I'm pretty sure empathy is associated with emotional mirroring. And, it's quite possible for aspies to have empathy according to the research, especially females.


I don't know what it is. Like, if someone is crying in front of me, I don't console them. I just want to run away. I become very uncomfortable. I feel a general atmosphere of sadness, as if it's hanging in the air, but it's not a focused sadness for them. I think the atmosphere of the emotion is what makes me uncomfortable.


This is exactly how I am. Strong emotional displays in others overwhelm me. I may not show it but I feel disturbed and uncomfortable and just want to flee.



alexi
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17 Oct 2011, 2:51 pm

I get a detached feeling, where I can see what is happening but don't respond in a way that is probably expected. I feel extremely stressed out about trying to understand how the other person is feeling and responding correctly that it kind of shuts me down. I just want to do anything tho get away from the situation.



syrella
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17 Oct 2011, 3:41 pm

alexi wrote:
I get a detached feeling, where I can see what is happening but don't respond in a way that is probably expected. I feel extremely stressed out about trying to understand how the other person is feeling and responding correctly that it kind of shuts me down. I just want to do anything tho get away from the situation.

That is how it happens to me, too. I feel very far away when someone approaches me in an emotional way. I recognize the emotion, but have trouble with reacting appropriately.


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17 Oct 2011, 5:30 pm

I'm sensitive to people's emotions, but have no way of knowing how to react to them.
I know that my consolations look insincere, and my contrition looks blank and moronic. Geez, I might as well be a mannequin.



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17 Oct 2011, 7:40 pm

nemorosa wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
I am actually the opposite. If someone around me is very angry or sad I automatically become angry or sad myself. But it has nothing to do with empathy. It is more like I just take on their characteristics, like I am a chameleon adjusting to my environment. It's really strange because, when I step back from the situation, I feel like I 'm out of it and I have no idea why my emotions ran so high.


Hmmmm... you must be thinking of a different concept when you use the word "empathy", because I'm pretty sure empathy is associated with emotional mirroring. And, it's quite possible for aspies to have empathy according to the research, especially females.


I don't know what it is. Like, if someone is crying in front of me, I don't console them. I just want to run away. I become very uncomfortable. I feel a general atmosphere of sadness, as if it's hanging in the air, but it's not a focused sadness for them. I think the atmosphere of the emotion is what makes me uncomfortable.


This is exactly how I am. Strong emotional displays in others overwhelm me. I may not show it but I feel disturbed and uncomfortable and just want to flee.


Me too. I get very uncomfortable with displays of emotion, especially when I can't do anything about the cause of the other person's distress. Then I get frustrated and have to bite my tongue! I've had people get seriously pissed at me because I have gotten impatient with their emotional displays, when I was younger. I've learned to try to hide my response because of that.

~Kate


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17 Oct 2011, 8:38 pm

Emotional outburst make me feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed, I quite often have to remove the offending individual from my line of sight. Such displays often cause the same sensation when I experience sensory overloads. I'm a terrible comforter! :(



Kiseki
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17 Oct 2011, 11:26 pm

jackbus01 wrote:
Emotional Contagion is what we are talking about:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion

I have to ask the obvious question: Do you really care how your customers feel?


That is interesting. That is what happens to me, but it's completely subconscious.


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