Trusting your own emotions

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I made a post a while ago about actually feeling emotions, because I don't tend to feel my emotions, though I still have reactions as if I am feeling the emotion.

This makes it very hard to trust my emotions. When I moved into student housing it was a nightmare, I wasn't coping very well at all. Now that things have settled down, I've turned around and said to my therapist that I completely overreacted after moving and didn't need to make such a big deal of it.

I think I downplay my overload/shutdowns as well. For example, every few months or so I will end up with a day where I'm not very functional at all, because of pushing myself too hard to be social/deal with sensory stimuli/fit in. This happened to me today. I was so overwhelmed that I skipped all of my classes (I was supposed to go to 3 today) and didn't leave the house. I am at the point of shutdown, and I needed a day to get back to normal. I was still generally able to work, I designed a poster for my choir concert and did some work I needed to do for them. I just did my work alone in my quiet room with no outside stimuli.

So I want to say, due to my emotional state, I needed to stay home from class today. It doesn't happen very often, so it should be all right to do once in a while. I have accommodations from the university for "anxiety" because I don't have an AS diagnosis yet. My accommodations person asked if I needed permission to miss class every now and then and I said no, I was ok, but maybe I'll get that permission. It will have to be due to "anxiety" until I get an AS diagnosis, because I can't say "sensory overload" or "social overload" without being able to back that up with a diagnosis.

But I have such a hard time trusting my emotions. A big part of me is saying "You're just too lazy to go to class and now you're using it as an excuse." My therapist thinks these emotions/reactions are real and I should listen to them, but I have such a hard time actually feeling my emotion that it's easy to say I'm overreacting.

Does anyone else deal with this? Can I blame staying home on being overloaded, or am I just being a baby?

Yes, you should stay home when you are overloaded. I think that it is good to do so, and you should definitely get that accommodation to do so. It's a chance to reset your brain from the overload, so you can deal with more stimuli later. Just a day every few months is not excessive at all, and you are not being a baby for taking these days. You should trust your reactions on overloads/shutdowns, even when you don't feel the corresponding emotions.

What's a good way to word needing to take a day off every now and then, in the terms of getting accommodations for bipolar/anxiety? I have a bipolar diagnosis on file right now, and I don't know how soon I'll be able to see a doctor about AS. So I don't know if I can word it as a shutdown/overload.

"Please allow me an occasional absence from class due to feeling overwhelmed"? Will that work? Or I could just say "overwhelming anxiety". Maybe I'll just use the actual words "overload" and "shutdown". Because that's what I'm experiencing. If the specialist knows AS and asks, I'll tell her I'm in the process of getting seen by a specialist.

Also, thanks for your response. I will try and not feel guilty for skipping today.

I'm an odd case, because I already can't be in public much at all because I get migraines really easily and simply walking down the street I'm likely to develop a headache that might turn into a migraine, but I know I have days where I'm just exhausted from trying to take care of myself on top of that.

I was recently pushed to leave my apartment on one of those "bad days" because I was applying for SSI (which was just a bad idea, a terrible experience and I found out before I went to the meeting that I wouldn't qualify) and needed to have things printed out for the meeting the next day. I fought past the fact that I was barely functional and went up to the campus library with my boyfriend's ID to print things out, and literally ended up hiding in a corner of the library, with earplugs in, rocking, and just holding my stuff close to me and trying not to completely break, just because of the computer's logging in system not working quite right.

I can say that pushing myself too far that day was necessary, but was only a half hour. I'd have not learned anything if I had gone to class that day, and I'd have only hurt my limited productivity. I really was, and really am at times, just burnt out of taking care of myself because taking care of my self is so much more involved than people give it credit for.

When I was in college I didn't have any days that I skipped the entire day, but I did definitely have classes that I skipped just because I couldn't cope with going. One of my classes I had a particularly hard time getting to, in that I'd walk up to class, and by the time I'd gotten into the building I was overloading, developing a bad headache, and was unable to simply walk up a flight of stairs and listen in class. Thinking back, I think I would have been able to make it to a few more of those classes if I had my diagnosis, because I'd have not been scared of needing to participate. Luckily that professor was incredibly understanding and I wasn't the only autistic student in class, though I was undiagnosed at that point in time.

I'd say let yourself have that, and have it be explicitly in your accommodations, but be strict on yourself. You're there to learn and to get a degree, only use this when you need to. It being in your accommodations might make it easier to be strict on yourself, because it'll mean it'll be known that you need this every once in a while, yet that it is only every once in a while.

I'd definitely use the word "overwhelming"/"overwhelmed". Possibly also include emotional stability if you are the sort that loses that when you overload.

I think you can put down "anxiety", "overload", and "shutdown". I can't really think of other good words to describe it. Maybe like "accumulated stress", "overwhelming stress". That's pretty much what these overloads/shutdowns are if you experience them every few weeks or months. Like an accumulated dosage of radiation.

Before I knew about ASD, I used to experience these on a daily basis. I never felt particularly anxious or stressed out, but my brain would just stop working or I just couldn't bring myself to do whatever I was supposed to be doing. It was all too complicated for my suck-functioning brain. The whole time, I blamed myself for being a big baby, but now I know what it is and take measures to avoid sensory overload.

To be honest your explanation made no sense. First, probably no one at your school who is not a licensed psychiatrist or md will even really understand what autism is even if u used that reason as most people don't. However, people with autism do actually have bipolar and anxiety and are oftendiagnosed with both (i know bc i have). That being said, anxiety and bipolar are usually easier for the general public or a teacher to relate to if u bring it up as a reason and perhaps may not raise as many red flags but i am not sure. Secondly, if you have not been diagnosed with it then why do u WANT to be? I seriously don't get that with people these days on this forum. You get no more support in the states (not sure where you'reat) withautism versus bipolar diagnosis into adulthood. However, it would be important for your doctor to know what medicine to prescribe you. However, both qualify for SSI i believe. As a child i merely got speech therapy. That being said, you should not do anything you are not comfortable with. You are paying a lot of money to go to this school am I right? Therefore, your teachers should be accomodating to your disability however you describe it. I can promise you that if they are NOT and you bring in a doctor's note with autism they are not necessarily going to view it as an accomodating reason regardless. I know bc i had that when I was younger. In fact, if someone doesn't like you they may view it as a reason for why they were right about you being "off" or whatever. The way I always dealt with it was just suffer the conseuqnces of missed days quietly. first off, talking late and being diagnosed doesn't mean that you are a victim regardless. And probablywhere you excel at test taking, NTs do not. For instance I would never give a presentation in college or talk in class and would always take a zero for those portions and then compensate by acing the exams to get an overall A but usually B. So what I'm saying is, Is it fair that you get out of requirement you're bad at that NTs are good at to beat them in the things they suck at? you get my point? I hate that the system is set up the way it is, but I really think it builds character to sometimes go the tough route if that makes sense.
Best
K

I'm sorry my explanation made no sense to you. I don't know how to address your post, as it seems our opinions differ and there's not much I can do to change your mind.

I will just address one point:
I don't necessarily WANT to be diagnosed with autism. I WANT to be normal. Calling myself normal will not make me normal, though. There are things I struggle with, and I don't know what it's like in the places you're thinking of, but at my school I know I can get accommodations for these things. I have seen this with my own eyes. I don't want to have autism, but because of the things that affect me, I strongly suspect I do have autism. So I want to go see a doctor to find out for sure.

Not seeing a doctor will not make me NT. There are support groups near me for people with autism. There are books I can read. If I can label my struggles with a diagnosis, I will feel better equipped to learn how to deal with them. If I assume I'm NT and just need to "apply myself" or struggle through things, I could end up in a much worse place. If it turns out that I don't merit an AS diagnosis, I will reassess why I am unable to do certain things.

I have gone the tough route my entire life. I've built plenty of character. It's not a lack of character that causes me to not attend class. I don't feel I'm asking for anything unreasonable.

And to close, thank you for requiring me to defend myself. That's a good way to accept myself.

well I dunno then. I always preferred to go under the radar in classes about my autism or anything mostly....and still managed to make good grades and feel comfortable that I wasn't getting any unwanted attention from the professor (which was worse to me from experience than any grade or accomodation benefit from revealling....in most cases). However, I will admit there were maybe 2 professors incollege over the span I ended up forming friendships enough or had a feeling i could reveal to without too big a deal. But everyone (obviously) is different so I would say obviously do what makes you personally comfortable.


"A disability is a disability to the degree it impedes your life."

I trust my emotions.

I don't trust my instinctive reactions.

Can you say you are having personal problems at the moment or suffering from stress and could they make some allowances for you? They probably don't want to know details just that you have a health condition that is impacting on your attendance. I would get the person to write down that you can miss some classes, you don't have to use it. It is better than just dropping classes with no warning and going off sick for a long time.

I find I get very stressed but if I gave into it I would never do anything! I am having some counselling and have been advised 1) to try and keep my general stress levels down e.g. do something to relax every day 2) if I feel sick with anxiety about talking to someone it is better to talk to the person 3) we have been working on CBT e.g. challenging the negative thoughts I have about talking to someone.

I have started asking NT people what they think e.g. the other week I felt weak and sick and had pains and I wasn't sure if they were real symptoms and I needed medical help, or exaggerated by anxiety and I just needed time to recover so I phoned my husband. I emailed a friend for a technical opinion as again not sure if I was stressing and she phoned for 30 minutes and was really supportive with my confidence crisis (this was a first for me).

Autistics aren't the only ones who experience overload, shutdown, etc. Piles of different mental conditons can cause overload/shutdown in various situations, including anxiety and bipolar.

I'm one who is only beginning to learn to listen to his emotions. I've always been the Spock type and used to think I just didn't feel emotions strongly, if at all. Lately, however, I've realized that I do have emotions, very strongly at times, and perhaps I should learn to define, analyze, and utilize them.

This question has been a powerful source of anxiety for me the past several months (maybe years, even). It's part of the reason I put off looking into mental disorders in the first place. I felt that I would use Mental Disorder X as an excuse for being lazy. Finding Asperger's and learning about it took a little of that anxiety away, but most remained. Being officially diagnosed a couple weeks ago helped more, but I still struggle with the question "Is it an excuse?". Monday, I had one of those overloaded days. I was struggling with whether to call in to work or go in anyway. I finally settled it with a coin toss and called in. Though I hung up the phone as soon as it started ringing and went in anyway; the stress from making the call was worse than the stress from working that day. Anyway, the gist is that I still haven't answered that question for myself.

Dots: I used to think like that, too. "Oh, you're being lazy"..."Why don't you grow up?"..."It's not that bad"... The time came for me when I had to make the realization that those messages came from external sources, that I hadn't appropriately questioned the validity/motivation/accuracy of those sources, and that I somehow had internalized those messages as part of my decision-making process(es). At some point, I did begin questioning those messages (I've nicknamed them 'censures of the censors' )... It looks as though you're at that point yourself.

I knew - absolutely KNEW I was one of the LEAST laziest people I've ever encountered. I KNEW that I actually HAD 'grown up'. And, I began thinking 'yes, it really is that bad'. I really started wondering why I was using false reasoning as a base for resultant decisions and actions.

The fact of the matter (well, one of the facts at least) is that Asperger's, BiPolar, 'Generalized' Anxiety, etc., etc., come with their own 'symptoms'. Those 'symptoms' may not be apparent to others in my life (others who place themselves, perhaps inappropriately, in a position from which they make 'evaluations' [read: judgements] about my perceived well-being or state of health), yet that doesn't render those 'symptoms' as being non-existent or 'dismiss-able'. Those 'symptoms' MUST be acknowledged AND acted upon in ways that decrease their impact on the one immediately suffering/enduring the 'symptoms' AND on those who'd be interacting with the one experiencing the 'symptoms'.

Educating one's self of what the 'symptoms' are and how they 'appear' or 'feel' when escalated beyond being 'fit for society' is an act of responsibility. Being RESPONSIBLE (a word only sometimes interchangeable with 'accountable') for one's 'symptomology' includes improving one's understanding of when to not foist it upon one's self (and this includes understanding when 'ignoring it' leads to worsening health) nor upon others. If one ignores the 'warning' signs that 'symptomology' has escalated, then one does become 'accountable' (in the negative context of the word) for the forthcoming, unwanted results (i.e. harsh words, rash decisions, meltdown). [This is a reasoning behind why a student with active T.B. is no longer allowed on campus, why a rapist who knows he has AIDS faces much more serious charges, why 'safe sex' is stridently demanded, how the term 'Universal Precautions' came about, why anybody who has/presents circumstances that may represent distress or harm to the humans/enviroment which would be exposed to the potentially damaging circumstances faces 'encouragement' [in its many forms] to somehow minimize/eliminate the harmful circumstances...though this isn't to suggest that those with Asperger's, BiPolar, Anxiety, etc. are a 'danger' in/of themselves; merely an acknowledgement that unwanted and complex consequences often arise when 'person-with-condition' meets up with 'person-without-condition'.]

Because 'mainstream's' focus is on identifying/defining 'symptoms' in ways that are hardly relevant to those with Asperger's, BiPolar, Anxiety Disorders, etc., many of us experiencing such conditions have had to identify/define/MANAGE our own 'symptoms' and their potential significances, as well as bear the brunt of their results (with a populace who determinedly resists any 'notions' that their ways/behaviors/mentalities also contribute to those 'results'). It's really no wonder that some of us sometimes flounder about, trying to make ethical decisions and choices.

To answer more directly to your specified concern, I thought I'd share one of the arrangements I've made in terms of establishing 'accommodations' with current college professors: an e-mail 'system'/'communique'. If I sense a day in which interacting on campus will be beyond my 'ability' on a particular day, I send a message. E-mail works much better for me than, say, telephone since I won't end up stuttering, losing my voice, or, even worse, outright crying while trying to inadequately explain "I just can't do it". It lends more dignity to the situation and, due to the more 'businesslike' tone/appearance of e-mail, it helps leach some of the emotionality out of the situation (i.e. teacher's irritation) while coordinating make-up arrangements of the missed material (typically, just lecture from the textbook anyway). I 'compensate' for any aggravation felt about such an arrangement by faithfully attending all other days, doing any 'extra credit' work I can get my hands on, and being truly studious. I've still got a 4.0 (even in classes that had extra emphasis on [near]perfect attendance) and I feel I've actually missed FEWER days than I would have without such an arrangement...maybe because of (knowing and being able to count on) being 'allowed' to autonomously MANAGE my 'symptoms'.

I hope the best for you, Dots, and for anyone else struggling to make so-called 'alternative' work/school/play arrangements. There are so many other ways to live a life...it's just a little crazy-making that it often falls to the 'disadvantaged' to demonstrate/prove that again and again.

Thanks for the food for thought, Dae.

Thank you, Dae.

For all of the classes I missed, I can either watch the lecture online or get the notes online, so I should be fine.

I like that idea of an e-mail system. I will bring that up with my accommodations person.