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Bloodheart
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27 Oct 2011, 5:31 pm

I wonder if I'm the only one who has major problems with people's replies to things you say online...

For example you ask a question online and get a load of abuse - you know that person was ignorant and insulting was likely them making-up for some sort of low self-esteem, but that doesn't stop you feeling angry, shaking, feeling unwell, or over-thinking their reply.

Because of this I fear replies - I thus have to write/re-write posts over and over, it's why I'm prone to putting so much information into posts/replies, I have problems using forums, I don't often update my Facebook status or comment of other's Facebook updates, I even sometimes block email addresses so I don't have to read people's replies to me.

Am I the only one like this?

Any thoughts on how to get over this?
You know they're ignorant morons, but it doesn't change the fact that it upsets you - it used to be bad enough that my ex had to block forums from my computer as I'd get so scared of responses or angry by people's general ignorance I'd make myself sick, I'm no where near as bad as this now, but still bad enough to be a problem!


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Bloodheart
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27 Oct 2011, 5:32 pm

Note - I may not reply :D


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Sparx
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27 Oct 2011, 5:41 pm

I'm terrified of upsetting people. I like to keep things peaceful, and if waves are unintentionally made, I'm a wreck. A shiverin', nauseous wreck.



wonderboy
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27 Oct 2011, 5:48 pm

Yes I know how you feel. I know I shouldn't take it personally but I can't help but be really sensitive about getting insulted or hurting someone feeling.



pezar
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27 Oct 2011, 6:30 pm

I always seem to be making SOMEBODY angry online, then I can't deal with their abuse, a fact that is then used by them to say I'm evil or something similar. It even happens on WP. The Haven especially is full of critics.



GreatSphinx
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27 Oct 2011, 6:51 pm

I am usually considered a peacemaker online, but I have been at this for years and online has been my entire world at times, so I have learned the rules and nuances associated with most of it. That doesn't mean I don't make people angry or make some post that people find stupid... I do and I hate it when I do. It just doesn't bother me much unless I am having an online meltdown, then people tell me "Geeze... it's only the internet. Get off for a bit and get a life." To me,, that's like someone who just beat you up telling you it was your fault and suck it up and get on with life (basically, you have no reason to be upset).

I have found that I am misunderstood online, so I just correct myself, It isn't a big deal for ME, but obviously it is for others. This is one thing I am trying to help my daughter with (for those who remember my "I am making my daughter post here" thread. She is afraid she is going to say the wrong thing. She has never been on a site where she HAS said the wrong thing, she is just afraid she will do it. She did make a step today and create a topic on her own. :)

I think the fear is real and is understandable. People do not realize that there are other people behind their computer screen. They just spout off whatever. I have fears of answering the phone that sound very similar to your fear of replies. I screen all calls and will not answer an unlisted number unless I am expecting the call. I don't like not knowing what is at the other end.


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btbnnyr
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27 Oct 2011, 6:55 pm

Online, I usually just spew out my stream of consciousness. I'm sure it can and does piss off other people sometimes.



Bloodheart
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27 Oct 2011, 7:03 pm

I just don't understand why people have to be so mean online, I think that particularly boils my blood, it's just nothing I can understand.


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twich
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27 Oct 2011, 7:35 pm

Bloodheart wrote:
I just don't understand why people have to be so mean online, I think that particularly boils my blood, it's just nothing I can understand.


They like the fact that they can hide behind a screen name. You can't tell who they are, you know? Still doesn't make it any easier to be on the receiving end of it though. Personally I try never to attack people, but if they're written something that upsets me, I'll let them know and give them valid reasons- I won't just start attacking them or their thoughts, opinions, etc. And if I have upset someone and it gets pointed out, I do apologize. I'm sorry you've had to deal with it. I know it isn't a good feeling.



GreatSphinx
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27 Oct 2011, 7:41 pm

This reminds me of this comic:

http://xkcd.com/438/


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Tequila
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27 Oct 2011, 7:57 pm

Was it something I said? ;)



2000namesl8r
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27 Oct 2011, 8:14 pm

not in 2 all this cyber terrorising. like u said u can block it, and put ur mind at rest if u got beef online and something happens because of it, the police would have it as evidance so u will be avenged. its all how u look at things, i supose its easyier to say than do, i have made myself a hypercrit but arnt we all to a certain extent.


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Chronos
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27 Oct 2011, 9:44 pm

I think perhaps you are having difficulties because of your expectations.

The internet has always been a place where people more or less take the opportunity to speak their mind, frequently without regard for civility. It might be advisable that you expect that you will receive moronic, blunt, or even relatively hostile replies to some of your posts. As for caring what these individuals think, I think you should ponder the answer to the question "Why?"

Do you care because you want these people to be accepting or understanding of you?
Or do you care because they're wrong?

If it's the former, I think you need to be a little forgiving of yourself in that you can't meet everyone's standards, nor should you try. And with that in mind, there's no reason to place yourself so beneath these individuals that you need their acceptance or approval.

If it's the latter, well, sometimes people are wrong and eventually they reap the fruit of their ignorance.

I recall stumbling upon a thread on an unrelated forum in which one of it's regulars comment how AS was "made up" and "not real" and that people with AS were "just a bunch of lazy whiners" or something of that sort.

This was an individual who had obviously not been aware of his surroundings; he was "jumped on" by multiple individuals who defended the existence of AS and were blatantly more well educated on the matter than he.



Bloodheart
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27 Oct 2011, 10:29 pm

Tequila wrote:
Was it something I said? ;)


Yes, you're a BIG MEAN!


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Bloodheart
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27 Oct 2011, 10:35 pm

I think perhaps it's because I'm exposing myself - something so rarely done, thus perhaps the constant hits whenever I do come out or the fear of facing such hits is a source of upset, hurt and fear. Why do I care...pass. In many situations I assume they should accept or understand, so sudden attacks without seeing the reason why they're attacking is confusing - not sure this means I want them to accept me, per say...it'd be nice however to say something without being attacked, to be able to talk without being attacked, perhaps that's it. :shrug:


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Conspicuous
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27 Oct 2011, 11:23 pm

Both online and off, I hate being misunderstood by people. That's part of the reason I prefer to talk and type precisely. As much as I hate being misunderstood out of ignorance, being abused by someone who should know better is even worse. I am also someone who worries too much about how people will reply to my posts. I also get very angry/anxious when someone responds rudely. Hell, I stopped posting on this site for a few weeks at one point because of a couple responses from a certain poster. I only started posting again once I figured out he probably fit into the "ignorant" category rather than the "abusive" one.

As for how to get over it, I can't say; I'm not over it. I still reread my own posts and rewrite half of them before hitting Submit, going through a few iterations.


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