When an Aspie Becomes an Adult?

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When you became an adult, how did you manage the responsibilities of life? First of all, did you have a job to pay for necessities? Were you in college? I am 17 right now, and I am unsure of how I will live in less than a year. I am determined not to have to take Disability or any other form of government handouts. Really, I want to be able to live with the same rights, privileges, and limitations that an 18 year old NT has. Can some adult aspies share their experiences from adulthood, and offer advice?

Well you see, when I became an adult I dropped off the face of the Earth and ceased to exist, so things became rather easy!

That was was sarcasm. But there was some truth to it. When I became an adult, a lot of people got off my case because they weren't paid to be on it anymore, and this enabled me to live my life as I pleased, relatively speaking. Managing certain responsibilities was rather easy because I had been tasked with managing them before I was an adult. I spent most of my time in college which was paid for largely by grants. I did work on occasion, but was limited in the number and types of jobs I could apply for, and did not pass many interviews and personality tests. Most of my jobs were temporary, both voluntarily and otherwise, and I can only honestly say I enjoyed only two of them.

I think the most important thing to remember is, though the transition might seem intimidating, you will eventually acclimate even if you have a few melt downs before you do.

Concerning government assistance, in the US, there are some things you might want to keep in mind. SSI, supplimental security income, is difficult to get, and certainly is difficult to live of off, however people who apply with a documented condition they have had since childhood stand a far better chance of getting it on the first try. You need to have not worked, for at least 6 months and you can work while on it though they deduct an amount.

So it might be wise to apply for SSI. If you receive it you can still work, and you can even make enough money while working such that your payment from the SSA for that month is 0, however should you be fired or suddenly unable to work, you will receive payments.

If you turn 18, and get a job, and later decide you can't work or hold a job, you will have a far more difficult time getting benefits.

Get a job. Any job. Not so much right now for the money, but for you to learn how it is to have one. Showing up on time, working alongside people, following verbal and written instructions, and simply being in a place you don't necessarily want to be for 8 hours are the things that separate reliable employees from unreliable ones. If you're not good at doing them, you need to know now so you'll know what to work on later.

I am on disability and I would love to be able to support myself, but it's not realistic for me. I may never be able to work a full time job.

In fact I think some NTs probably can't really take full time employment and it causes depression or other mental issues.

Don't feel bad about having to rely on disability for a whole so you get your stuff together though. Realistically you are not going to be able to live with the same privileges as an NT. It's not going to happen, so you may as well rely on things that compensate for that instead of setting you up for misery. Being on disability gives you a chance to brush up on your social/life skills so you can actually enter gainful employment. In a lot of civilised european countries, people take time out between college and employment to do this anyway. Right wing countries like the US pressure people into jobs which is actually inefficient in the long run.

I lived with my parents for another year when I became an adult. I was still in high school when I was 18 so I am not counting that year but when I was 19, I was on SSI and living at home and I did work around the house like watering the trees. I do it early in the morning and then finish in the evening when it be cool out. I did take a couple classes at the local college and I couldn't find work for almost a year until someone decided to try me. I did work at the folk shop for an hour or so.

I didn't want disability either but I then became glad mom signed me up for it because I was struggling to get a job. Then my parents helped me move out and I only lived up the road from them.

I was always wanting to be on my own since I was 16 so I have control over my own environment but I didn't even have any money to do it. So me moving out was one be exciting day for me. I just wanted the responsibility.



Wow, that explains why I got on it so easily. My mother had medical records for me dated from the 1980's and 90's. I got it on the first try. I was even surprised she kept them despite the fact she didn't agree with the diagnoses then. I thought she would have destroyed them like some parents do when they don't agree with the diagnoses.

Sound advice from sacrip. Could I add self care to the things you may want to experiment with in parallel to trying out paid work. Meaning performing all those tasks that will even begin to make you employable, such as learning how clean clothes and meals are produced (hint: not by magic), how often clothes, bedding etc ought to be changed, rooms cleaned & aired etc.

Seriously not trying to patronise or scare you, and if you know how to do all these things already, great, that means you're halfway there. 'There' being the place called Living Independently. A good deal of adult time that is not spent at work is spent doing chores. May sound a bit tedious but it's part of the deal! Knowing how to look after yourself is one of life's great skills.

Start out with a simple job if possible. Don't get a job with high amounts of multi-tasking and stress. I did, and it's pushed me to the breaking point.

Since i had special education, all i could get in my home town was a job at the car wash. My father wanted to push me in the army, but i refused. So i did the car wash job for a few months and then went to another state when i turned 18, where workers are always sought (AK), and got a job in road construction. Good thing was, the company provided trailers to live in and we had full board and even a mobile shop.

The organized living and working made it much easier for me to live on my own since i didn't need to find an apartment and manage all those everyday demands like cooking, laundry, and so on. Thus i could improve my skills step by step without too much pressure. Did the job for about 5 years.

I went to college, got a quieter job with a lot of freedom that I liked, kept a good visual schedule written out so I would not forget things, lived independently, and am now applying to graduate school. I made it work. PM me if you want more information or have specific questions.

After high school I pursued college and got my degree in secondary education in English. I lived at home during college and commuted daily to a university 1.5 hours away. I was also part of a traveling music group that practiced in the evening during the week and hit the road on weekends during my college years. I often did school work on our bus which was converted into a motorhome with living room, bunkhouse, restroom, and kitchen/ dining. I could never really imagine getting a job though and living away from home. But it happened---very soon after college.

I was with my parents on vacation in Myrtle Beach back in the late '80s. My girlfriend was back home with her family and finishing her college. Since I had just finished college, I had put my name in at various schools for a teaching job. Then it happened. I got a call at my hotel for an interview at a school. But there was something else going on for me also while at the beach---a gamble. I had been offered a part in a motion picture by a Hollywood producer. I had a decision---either go home to the school interview, or stay at the beach and take the offer with the producer. My parents were supportive of me and trusted me to make the right decision. I thought of my girlfriend back home. I thought of practicality. And while bowling at a hotel, I made my decision. I was going home to the school interview. And I got the teaching job.

I was engaged to be married to my girlfriend shortly after getting my job, and we were married the following fall. Through my music I had accumulated around $50,000 in music equipment and was able to use it for collateral on a house loan. When we were married, we had a furnished house. We are still married. We still live in the same house although we have enlarged it a couple times. And we have two sons.

There have been some rocky times in my job---teaching isn't the easiest thing to do. It can be very challenging. My therapist came up for a theory as to why I, with Asperger's, selected that job. It was what I was used to. The school setting was all I had known since entering Kindergarten years ago. It was my routine. And I felt comfortable in that environment. I really couldn't imagine any other job setting. So I have now been a teacher in the same school district for 24 years (this year).

I feel I have been lucky in life. I didn't have to search long for a job. When I finished my degree in the spring of that year, I was teaching the following August. It happened so quick. Then a friend of my mother asked me to attend a college with her to get a master's degree where you only had to meet one weekend a month. I did that and ultimately got my permanent certificate because of it. Again, I feel I have been lucky.

When I was in school I often tried to imagine myself married and with kids. It never seemed possible to me for some reason. I just couldn't imagine how I could ever go about accomplishing it. All I could imagine was living with my parents. But when I began college I took a small step toward thinking about a career. After two years of college I decided to become an English teacher. But I didn't think much beyond getting my degree to getting a job. I just took things in small steps so as to not get too overwhelmed. I tried to relax and let things happen as they happened.

Thank you everyone, I appreciate the feedback. Right now, I do have a job working with middle schoolers after school. The job is challenging (in a good way), and my bosses and co-workers are great. So I am really lucky to have that, and I feel like I am learning valuable skills. Unfortunately, this job ends at the end of the school year. Still, the future cannot be predicted. On the school front, I am doing very well (I have a 3.91 GPA). I am working on applying to colleges at present, and I feel like I should find a school that I like. I am also lucky to live in Massachusetts, because there is this program called MassRehab (which helps adults with disabilities find jobs and such). Chronos and Dollywitch do have a point. While I still really do not want to take Disability, I realize that I have to keep my mind open. I have greatly improved over the years with things like time management and hygiene. I still need work in areas like routine shopping and planning, but I feel like I can learn to do better with that in the time that I have. I must say that I am lucky to have the great mom that I do, she has supported me and fought for me for so long. I am also lucky to have support-such as the support here on Wrongplanet. Again, thank you everyone. I hope that other people using this thread have found/can find this as valuable as I have.

The nicest thing about MassRehab is that they have people who specifically know about ASDs. The person I'm working with works almost entirely with people with ASDs and has a relative that's been diagnosed since she started working with MassRehab because she got so used to the symptoms.

Well I am an adult and I manage things terribly....right now hoping to find away to get on disability, because I'm even having a hard time taking two classes at a community college. But there is also that society seems to have no use for people like me so I have no use for it anymore. I guess to each their own, its cool some peopel have what it takes to make it through all the crap and find some enjoyment in life.

I went to college for a while, staying at home, but while I enjoyed it I knew it was more of an indulgence than anything, because I wasn't aiming for a career, I just liked going to college. I went to a college in Downtown Denver, where the average student age was 27, so it was a familiar structure to me (school), but there weren't the cliques there were in high school and everyone was fine with conversations that were totally about the class we were in together, so I could talk to people without it seeming so socially awkward.

The summer after high school I was a waitress, which I hated plus I was dreadful at it. The second summer I got a job where I picked up and sorted the mail and then spent the rest of the day compiling and sending out orders and printing books of forms and stuff, down in the basement of this office building, which I kind of liked because I spent most of my time alone, however the boss' boss there didn't like me because I was so socially inept (read: brutally honest), and I eventually got fired. What was funny is that my immediate superior had only been there a week longer than I had, and he'd basically just let me do everything so he literally followed me into the parking lot, begging me to tell him how to do his job! The guys upstairs knew I was the one who did everything in our department, but the guy who fired me -- whose office was also in the basement -- hadn't figured it out.

Eventually I started working as an office temp, and I did that for over a decade. In terms of my supposed abilities I was woefully underemployed, but as a temp I could quit a job with no repercussions (didn't do it very often but the option was always there), and I could take a break between jobs if I was just plain burned out on dealing with people. That part worked great. My income, however, was dismal. I roomed with a friend for a while and then, after my parents moved out of state, I roomed with my brother. Didn't have insurance for years, and ended up hospitalized at one point when I didn't go in to get something dealt with because it didn't seem like a big deal to me (or at least not big enough to go to the doctor's for, since I really hate going to the doctor). Fortunately hospital bills were not as extreme back then as they are now, and my parents paid that off.

My high school guidance counselor wanted me to be an experimental physicist and my computer teacher thought I should go into computer programming, but while those were both sometime obsessions I didn't want to commit to either because then I'd be stuck doing something I hated when my obsessions cycled to something else. With clerical work, I could obsess in my head all day about whatever my obsession happened to be at that point, and still get the work done. And if I burned out on that particular obsession -- which I do regularly -- it didn't matter, because I could shift to a new obsession without it having any real impact on the job. Plus I had no patience with the whole socializing thing you gotta do in most jobs, and as a temp no one cared that I wasn't interested in socializing and just wanted to go home when it was time for the office party.

If you have someone to work with who understands how your particular brain works, you'll have a lot better odds of achieving your goals than I did. If I had a better understanding of perseveration and inertia back in the day, I might have been able to find a way to have a job that made use of my abilities. I didn't pay any attention to the recommendations of my guidance counselor because he didn't know about how I'd obsess and be unable to think of anything but what I was obsessing on. Sure, if my obsession related to my job, that'd be great, but I didn't know (and still don't) how to direct my obsessions that way. I think your odds are a lot better than they were for my generation because you'll have access to a lot of information -- the first major article on Aspergers in English was published in 1981, and Hans Asperger's paper translated in 1991, while I graduated from high school in 1978, so no resources at all back then.

You may need help here and there, but I think you'll likely accomplish your goals.

You'll be okay. I spent my entire adult life not knowing that I'm an Aspie (did know about depression), and was finally diagnosed (not even any suspicions first on my part: my daughter figured it out). I "always" knew how to "take care of myself" (and eventually, a husband and a child), because I did my share of the housework as a child, whatever I was big enough to do. While you're still with your parents, pitch in (ask your mother what she needs help with) and learn by doing. I had a lot of different jobs, but there was always another one. Went to college (paid for by my parents) and dropped out after a couple of years. Just a life -- not as "successful" as some, but more so than most.

One thing someone said about his/her obsessions: if I'd ever been lucky enough to get a job that fitted one of mine, I'd have kept it and done well, because when I "lose" one, it continues to be interesting and fun for me, I'm just not as obsessed as I am with the next one. I don't "burn out".

I burn out on the short term, but I do continue to enjoy past things, however if they don't fit well with my next obsession I don't think about them much for that time. I cycle back later. And some of my obsessions don't connect well - Walt Disney and the Disney corp don't have a lot in common with theoretical math, for instance. In college, if all my classes that semester fit some kind of "theme" in my brain, I did great in all of them. But if there was one that normally interested me but didn't fit that with the rest for whatever reason, I couldn't get into it and would get a much lower grade because I had to force myself to do the requirements, or even to show up for class. It didn't fit the other classes, so it didn't fit the me that was me at that point I guess.