I apologize to anyone taking offense to my language, although I must state that attempting to dilute it will make it sound more forced and less sincere. Before someone (not extremely reputable, utilized profanities at least fifty times during the short conversation, generally uncouth, and casually discussed substance abuse as though even amoxicillin was anywhere near a nice experience) recommended, "...a psych [sic] book, what was it [sic], the [profanity removed] BSN 4 [sic]? [excrement reference], I knew something was weird about you. You [profanity removed] act like a [profanity removed] computer [long list of comparisons to archetypical artificial intelligences]..." I now realize that perhaps, tampering with such would affect diagnosis, although it only occurred a few hours before the needlessly verbose and supercilious post, so the posts preceding that did not receive the unfavorable influence.
Concerning etiquette, I am thankful that there is a confirmation regarding the word for which I was searching. I will have to remember to search for one that includes the non-verbal aspects the next time I visit the library.
On the note concerning the counselor, I will at least try to ask some relevant questions about coping with the disorder and make sure that a diagnosis either way will be accurate. The possibility of a good diagnosis has been reduced, of course, because of the attempts to diagnose myself using the DSM-IV, which apparently had some criticism regarding the criteria it listed. However, I now see that perhaps, having a mental condition or disorder of some sort may not be as difficult or severe as I had previously assumed it would be, especially with a community of those who apparently managed to negate the symptoms.
I must say, however, that I now see many problems I interpreted as preparation for college and the future. I will try to reduce the, "long word," part, although I do not know the extent to which this would actually help with communication.
I am thankful as well that AS does not, in any way, imply that I will have meltdowns, regarding the topic. This, perhaps, was the primary barrier to accepting AS. I think I can accept the results of any diagnosis, even if the diagnosis indicates definite Asperger's Syndrome.
Regarding the façade, I did not even consider the DSM-IV and extra reading about the subject until the unpleasant individual discussed the book. In hindsight, I should have restrained myself from that until a proper formal diagnosis was conducted. The benefit of this is that further reading showed actions many had taken to reduce or negate the symptoms. I had only read casual discussions of Asperger's Syndrome prior to this forum and most seemed to be the, "demitrolls," discussed earlier, although some of them seemed genuine. I think I recall something similar with another condition a few years ago, although I cannot confirm this by memory alone.
Finally, I would like to thank those who managed to cause more introspection. Again, you are not observing someone intentionally writing in the same way one writes for academic projects. Rather, you are simply observing someone who decided to be as normal as possible and added yet another failure to the long list of similar and related errors.
A clarification for the, "super human," quote follows: would someone who is super human not have more of every human trait, including the error-making trait? I make errors to such an extent that perhaps, I am too human, which is what I intended. Should I erase that due to its unfortunate implications of super-human perfection rather than super-human imperfection?
06 Nov 2011, 9:34 am
