Why do NTs think that normality is a good thing?

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I'm tired of that "You aren't normal" "insult". Has anyone else ever noticed that being normal is overrated to most NTs? I'm tired of them assuming that I WANT to be normal.

Normal is over rated.

I don't think that NTs who like to be whatever is normal for NTs can make sense of anything that is not one of those whatevers.

I agree that "normal" is overrated.

BUT,....

If somebody is trying to help you to be more "normal," it may be in an effort to help you assimilate. They may be trying to make you more "normal" so that you feel more comfortable around NT's, or so that possibly you may not be so lonely.

Think of it this way -- in the "olden" days, when people would come to the U.S. from foreign countries, they would try to learn English as quickly as possible, so that they could "assimilate" with the culture here in the U.S. Did they give up their mother tongue completely? No. Did they give up their culture completely? No. But learning the English language helped them to get jobs, blend into society, and hopefully made them more comfortable and happier. It didn't always work out that way, but most people considered this outcome the best case scenario.

I think that your loved ones, if they are trying to influence you to become more "normal" are merely trying to help you feel comfortable and blend in. I know that I don't want my son to CHANGE, I just want him to feel more at home and comfortable with the people he has to deal with on a regular basis.

NT's are afraid of anything they see as not "normal". But "normal" just means a very narrow set of behaviours/interests. So they are really just "limited"

These NTs are people at my school, who always ask me why I do certain things. When they say "You're weird" or "That's not normal", I tell them "I'm glad I'm not normal, because most of the world's geniuses weren't normal either"

Simply, it's the path of least resistance. However, the problem with normality is that you can never make progress until you exceed the bounds of normal. So, what ends up happening is, people who break the status quo are usually ridiculed for being "not normal" until people realize consciously or subconsciously that their way of doing things is better in one way or another.

I remember my sister, she used to not like when I listened to Dragonforce. About a year later, she's listening to Dragonforce because it's in Guitar Hero and her friends play Guitar Hero so she has to, too. How'd Dragonforce get into Guitar Hero? People like me that listen to Dragonforce.

Unfortunately, it's tough, because people who are on the "cutting edge" like that generally are ridiculed first, but copied later. Look at computing. At first, communicating online was for "nerds" who'd communicate on IRC, forums, etc. But now, everyone and quite literally their dog is on Facebook, and you're uncool if you don't have it. That's how things go, un-normal people invent things, and then later on cool people take them and the uncool and unnormal people don't get credit. However, it's nice, because you can take solace in the fact that you're actually on the cutting edge of everything ever, without others realizing it. Hell if you wanted to, you could start ridiculous fashions and things just so people will copy them and you can laugh about it later. It's quite great.

I'm actually with NTs on this one. I seem to fear abnormalcy. I think it's because my family does, so I've kind of caught the family trait. My family are NTs, but they are the shy, sensitive type, and haven't got much confidence in them, and so they are afraid of standing out because they seem sensitive to embarrassment, and so being brought up in a family of people who think like that has made me think the same. And, for some reason, I see to take ''you are not normal'' as an insult. I know we could argue that nobody is normal really, but I think it just means ''normal compared to the general population''.

insert comment about insecurities, herd mentality and inability for individual outside the box thinking here.

Why ?, i don't know. But i guess it has something to do with the above. I do know that it is not going to change anytime soon. Just get used to it and learn to let it pass by you without taking it personal. This is just the way people are, whatever has been done by large groups before is the way it should be done in the future. Do not need any reasoning for it other then the line i just gave you. Better be prepared to face a life long of people trying to convert your behavior to fit the group. Pretty funny how not adhering to certain routines also upsets ''normal'' people.

I would never want to be "normal". When growing up I learned that "normal" meant being boring and doing and liking what everyone else did and liked no matter what your feeling were about it and acting like everyone else even if you didn't want to or it didn't come naturally to you. Plus there is no such thing as "normal" because no matter what you are like someone somewhere will think you are strange or not like it.

Well, it's a game that they can play, and they can benefit from it. It's an instinct that probably serves them well, though it may also lead them to being annoying/obnoxious about it due to assuming that it's good or possible for everyone. OTOH, since it's unconscious they can end up sort of trapped by it, without realizing it. Like the scene in the "Breakfast Club" where the "princess" character says (basically), "I'm still going to treat you guys like crap, tomorrow, because I can't go against my friends."

That reminds me of an ad I saw on TV recently. There was a person describing themselves, basically saying, "I'm smart and fun and [whatever else, I can't remember]..." And then she says, "...and I'm quirky!"

Yeah, right. I'm quirky too, but not in ways that are "fun" or "cool" to 99% of the population. People want to be different, but not really different.

Last edited by Apple_in_my_Eye on 12 Nov 2011, 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just don't like the idea of being ridiculed. I'm sensitive to critisism and bullying, etc. So all I'm doing is making an effort not to be criticised or bullied. I'm not asking other Aspies to change that way. It's your life, you live how you want. But I, as an individual, do not choose to be singled out and ridiculed. I want friends, I enjoy having friends, so I've just got to make that little bit of effort to be accepted. That's what people (even on WP) say to me when I'm whining about being isolated. They say ''well get out there and meet people then!'' so that is what I'm doing. It may take effort but I am benefiting from it. And I'm happy with it. And NTs aren't all boring. Most of my friends are NTs, and I think they're fun to get along with.

By the way 99 percent of the population aren't all NTs. There are other neurodiverities other than Autism. What about people with MR? I don't think they go out acting normal and conforming typically and get jobs, etc. Or people with disabilities (besides severe Autism) what need care?

I think one of the worst comments someone said to me was , "She is weird, but you are normal." It was as if he recognized how weird I was and saw me as an easy target.

Being "weird" just depends on someones perspective anyways. I dont always use weird in a negative way. It mostly means that the person is unique.

You cannot be great if you are normal.

Again, it is unscientific and prejudiced to say that all nts care about is normality. Yet, the complaints on here against conformists resonate too well with me. Particularly frustrating are the poisonous ideas reflected in the field of normative psychology, which is a symptom of a civilizations plagued with vulgarity, obsession with status, and platitudes. Instead of convening with others to share inspirations, virtues, and ideas in order to discover truths, all the conformists care about is that others are valued exclusively by their ability to copy, like machines, other actions and rituals, that have no intrinsic or intellectual value. And then psychologists have the nerve to write about us being soulless.

Not all NTs are, or want to be "normal", whatever that is. But I certaInly don't want a life that is a constant battle with the perceived norm, as that is just too exhausting. I want a quiet life if possible as I don't have enough energy to have anything else. To achieve this it is a useful skill to "fit in" up to a point where one isn't a constant source of irritation to others. Of course fitting in is exhausting too as it doesn't come naturally to me. But appearing to fit in at least somewhat is what enables me to have a job = money = independence. So I can relax and be weird in my free time.