Do I have aspergers or something else do you think?

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Hello

I am new on this site and a bit unsure where to start but I would really appreciate some feedback. I would like to share my experiences basically because I would like honest opinions. I have always had a question mark as to why I have always struggled to fit in and enjoy conversation etc. I don't seem to have the social flow that many people find comes naturally. Sorry it is long

I zone out when people talk to me
I have to consciously make myself give eye contact unless really anxious and then can't as I feel over whelmed
If I give eye contact I find it hard to process what the person is saying
I struggle with giving and taking directions and get lost all the time in buildings, even if I have been there a few times
Other people seem to have a natural rhythm when chatting, for me I seem very rigid and it seems more like climbing steps, than a flow
I can't multi task easily and need to focus completely on one thing at a time, and get really stressed and explode if I have to do lots of things in a short space of time (I can't concentrate).
I can't stand the cold (I am thin though), and have about 4 hot baths a day to heat up,
Can't bare the smell of a butcher shop when passing and have never been in one as an adult
I always end up as a bystander in conversations
other women's chatter seems excessive (at school), and I find conversing exhausting
If I can chat about a particular topic that I enjoy, then i'm happy!
I can't follow movement if someone is opposite me, (for example following a martial art instructor), but can to the side.
Super markets are too bright and over load me
Crowds, constant chatting, bother me
I have always loved to touch, smell, soft object
I keep looking in the mirror when I pass, hard for me not to

I am 38 and have been a single mum for just over 9 years. I had panic attacks from the age of 16 suddenly when I left school, in the summer holidays before I started at college. I continued to have them until I was about 28/29 when I got into yoga, although I continued to experience depression since then.

My mom hated being shy herself and from as far as I can remember she put a load of impossible pressure on me to be this perfect, confident, popular child, to make up for her own insecurities. Everything about me offended her and which was clear. I was painfully shy sometimes, but would talk non stop to my mom when I was very young and clam up when anyone else approached.

As child I found parties too stimulating and would zone out like there was a wall of glass between me and other people (this still happens) . I was 5 when I realised that I felt almost physically separated by others for no reason, and I was out of sink with the other kids. The teacher noticed when I was 7 that I was being bullied by the girls on my table and he told me that I don't seem to get on with the other children and moved me to a table on my own like it was my fault. I was caring and sensitive but would keep putting my foot in it and would say anything that I could think of to add to conversations. I had no idea how to stand up for myself, got pushed around a lot. I used to feel that all the other children could easily be themselves and I had to consciously try to find something to say (to fit in and not be a disappointment).

I assumed that the pressure and constant criticism/stress coupled with bullying experiences at school were the reasons I suffered from years of panic attacks/social phobia after I left school, depression and crappy social skills. The thing is now I don't have panic attacks, but socialising just doesn't happen for me.

The thing is I do understand body language and pick up on how someone is feeling easily from their eyes, mannerisms and subtle body language. Does this rule out aspergers/autism?

What do you think, Social anxiety from bad experience, or something else being the real underlying problem?

My eldest son is dyspraxic and displays some ticks when he did karate, is very blunt, is right and everyone else wrong over talks about his topic even when I am clearly asleep! Very kind and loving and has a fab sense of humour. He isn't great at knowing when he has upset someone but can usually pick up the undertones/vibe of the people in the room. My brother is like him although my brother was aggressive with it and can't let food touch other food.Sensory issues, etc. My youngest has sensory issues, and my dad is a bit of everything with possible bipolar as well.

It does sound pretty close to Aspergers to me, but you don't have to be a textbook case. Try going for a diagnosis.

If you are in the UK forget about going for a diagnosis. You will have to wait forever and your GP will try to fob you off. Read Tony Attwood - A complete guide to aspergers syndrome.

That may answer your questions, but from your description I would say theres a high chance you have AS. You describe your difficulties very well BTW.

I cannot tell if you have ASD or something else from your description.

Your list of traits is common on the spectrum, but you also said that you could read non-verbal cues and understand states of mind from non-verbal cues. Do you do this naturally in real-time? Have you been able to do this naturally since you were a child?

Not necessarily true about the UK - I saw my GP in February and had a diagnosis by July. However, my experience does seem a little out of the norm judging by other stories on this site.

But yes ... I agree ... read that book.

I am not a diagnosed aspie - but I could relate to a lot of what you were saying.

Can I as though, when did you first realise that the supermarket lights were too bright, caused you problems and that this was not what everyone else was experiencing?

I ask this because I have issues with this too - it can actually cause dizzy spells and panic attacks. I thought up until I was about 13 that this was just normal then slowly thought I was a bit weird... then at about 13 I realised that this is a serious problem.

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it

I just realised how much fear of rejection socially and feeling left out, has effected me, I have experienced a lot of it. I was anxious that no one would reply so it was a big relief to find these replies.

I am in the UK and I am very cautious about getting a diagnosis and feel doubtful that I would be referred as I am ok in the surgery. After all there isn't much social chit chat or distractions in a doctors surgery. I saw a psychotherapist a couple of years ago for depression and I mentioned aspergers then, and she was having non of it.

I took my son to the doctors constantly since he was 4 years old, about his dyspraxia and speach, and it took until last year for him to get a few goes in a soft play area (he is 13), which was his occupational therapy. I asked them how I could get any help for myself (regarding sensory issues), as an adult and they told me that there was nothing in my area. My son hasn't been given a diagnosis of any sort, but luckily for him academically he thrives, social life wise he doesn't have one.


Dr Josh, In answer to your question I guess I noticed that I was affected by bright lights, shopping centres, supermarkets etc when I stopped having panic attacks, but still had a the dizziness as if my eyes or brain were trying to adjust. I just thought that it was anxiety before.

Robdemanc, thanks for the book recommendation I will definitely get hold of it and have a read.

btbnnyr, as far as I remember I think that I could read body language/ non verbal clues, although looking back I was looking for signs that someone was angry with me, so that I could avoid it by being extra nice (mom issues again ). I do over react to the tone of someone's voice if I feel that it is condescending or disrespectful, and feel upset and rejected if I am ignored socially as it still hurts. I am over sensitive with that as I feel not connecting with people is something that hurts me a lot.

I do tick boxes for sensory processing disorder, but that doesn't account for my confusion with directions, mirroring movement from someone opposite me, taking in information, lists and remembering and adding figures in my head.

I am better on the phone talking with people as it takes the visual out of the equation. I don't have to worry about my face blanking out and drifting off into my own world when people try to connect with me. I can concentrate better, and when I zone in and out they don't know.

Thank you all so much. I am still wondering though.

Can I just ask, do you tell people that you have aspergers etc, or not? Does it help if people know, or does other people's perception of aspergers/ autism get in the way?

Hi, I am new on these forums, and I'm not diagnosed with Asperger's (but suspect it also). But I am obsessed with psychology and disorders, and earning my BA in psychology in May. Take what I have with a grain of salt, but I'd like to offer my opinion in case it could help you.

I think you could be on the spectrum, but honestly it sounds more like social anxiety to me. You sound a lot like my mother, who has clear traits of social anxiety and not very many autistic traits. I can see a stark contrast between her and me, because I am a lot more analytical than she is; I have poorer social understanding; I have less desire to socialize; and while I do have high levels of anxiety, they are triggered more by changes in my environment or interruptions when focused on an interest, than by a fear of negative evaluation by others, which characterizes social anxiety. (I would be happy to expand on any of these points if you want.) Now, my mom's anxiety (she has a pretty severe case) leads to extreme dislike/avoidance of social situations, and when she tries to socialize, her anxiety and discomfort distracts her. This could also lead to the distraction and possible poor social performance symptoms that you mentioned.

As for your sensory symptoms, they don't sound too severe to me, maybe on the spectrum of what's normal. I'm no expert, but my symptoms are way, way worse than yours. I might just have an extreme case, though, so I don't know. (Me, I have a sensitivity to several kinds of odors, and they actually make me gag, to the point where I cannot go to certain people's houses, and I take a roundabout route to walk to my school because I can't stand the smell on the one road. Also, my sensitivity to sounds means that I can't concentrate or fall asleep with any noise anywhere in the house.)

I am not sure about your cognitive symptoms either. I don't even know ALL the symptoms of Asperger's, but I thought that people with AD typically have better working memory? At any rate, I think many people have difficulty with spatial tasks and direction (and women are typically worse than men).

And I am not saying this is you, but you might be doing what I do. I feel like I would be so relieved to have Asperger's because I want an explanation for my constant struggles, as well as a community that understands me. But until I bring myself to talk to a professional, I won't know. Self-diagnosis is extremely difficult because we tend to read up about the symptoms excessively, and then we kind of boost our experiences of each one in our minds. Not sure if that makes sense, but I thought you might relate to my experience.

But if that does describe you, I just want you to know that knowing you have social anxiety could give you the same kind of relief. Anxiety is actually easier to work on than the social impairments of AD, and there are some pretty good forums about social anxiety online that you could look into. I tried to do so, but found that I couldn't relate to a lot of their struggles, while the personality quirks of "Aspies" resonated with me.

Thank you lastnightilie, that was really helpful. I would actually love to hear more if that is okay. You have nailed my dilemma perfectly. I do want answers, and sometimes I feel that it is social anxiety other times I feel that there is so much more to it. I have people in my family with traits so it would be easy to assume that mine are signs of aspergers. Can people have traits and sensory issues, but not classed as on the autistic spectrum? I am wondering if I have a dyspraxia/learning difficulty of some kind, plus social anxiety/trauma, and some traits. When I have a conversation that goes well with someone that I really like, I tend to go over and over it my head later as if to savour it and record it in my head. Do you think that it is possible that my social struggle could be caused pressure and bullying in my childhood, to such a degree that It causes my shutting down/withdrawing and zoning out. I do feel that 'normal' social chatter is too overwhelming, loud and chaotic for me.

I guess I want to know what I have without repercussions from getting a professional diagnosis through my doctors as I haven't seen a lot of evidence that anything useful happens other than a label. I wish I just knew without having to go through all that hassle.

Thank you so much.

Youll find because of the ASD it can bring on alot of other disoders like depression ocd anxiety bipolar to name a few, to me it sounds like its all over the place in your family, you or your family might not have aspergers as such but possibly pdd-nos, you clearly display alot of traights but not enough to fit into another catagorie. Think about your childhood and im sure if you feel you relate the memories will flood back.

Because if my problems understanding others and seemingly sonehow ended up always being friends with younger grades and the other socially impaired kids (SPED) like i was drawn to them, anyhow because i got bullied and picked on n never really gad friends i have allot of anxiety and depression and anger problems. id say i hav all the disorders above now too. so there can be underlying problems that brought on your depression and anxiety because youve always had that difficulty in communication the prolonged it happens the more negative youll feel in situations when you start to notice your impairdness n how it affects the outcome of the conversation.

Ive found there to be 2 main groups, the ones who go on about there subjects to everyone anyone anytime anywhere, not quite awkwardly but ignorently without meaning(other persons view)
and the other norm quite mute everywhere unless they know you well and are comfortable around you will they talk more, and open up and ramble awkwardly

all my opinions of my knowledge on reading about ASD other childhood disorders personality disorders and all (cause i wanted to see why i "alien" and why i am how i am, and ofc help would be great too for social side (im in your place)

Feel free if you would like to correct me,
hope this helps you in your self discovery,
nother good tip, think about negative things in your past, and whhy you reacted to it the way you did, might help you to distinguish if you relate

Thanks xCarlax. I had never heard of pdd-nos, before I read your post, but have just had a quick look on-line. It makes sense. There is definitely something in my family and anxiety, depression, phobias, black and white thinking and sensory issues all run through my family, but nothing that ticks all the boxes.

A friend of mine is a therapist and has a son who has a lot of asperger like traits, and he was diagnoses with a language disorder. It is all a bit confusing . She said that she was like her son when she was younger and had to have on to one help with her degree as she learned differently. She asked me if I had a learning difficultly as well.

At school I was in the top stream but struggled to take in the information, but in exams I did really well, as I could focus. I am doing an OU degree course next year, which is great as I can do it at home when my children are out and concentrate. I seem to need to learn best by myself using repetition so that it goes in.

"good tip, think about negative things in your past, and whhy you reacted to it the way you did, might help you to distinguish if you relate"

Also that was a really good tip, and it made me think. I was petrified of upsetting and making people angry since I started school (just before I was 5),so I never stood up for myself or said no. This got me treated badly like a doormat and other children, then later adults thought they could say and do whatever they liked to me. I did think that if someone was angry with me then it meant that I would be hurt, bullied, rejected and made to feel bad, and I also couldn't stand making anyone else feel bad. Trying to please everyone and do what they wanted no matter how much it hurt emotionally was my way of containing the situation and I believed that in order to be loved or liked I could never upset anyone. That is a very black and white belief. I do blow up and struggle with my anger if I feel walked over or disrespected. Interesting.

It could be sensory processing disorder along with AS traits. You didn't say anything about obsessions and routines or stimming.

To answer your question, yes it's possible to have AS traits and sensory processing disorder and not be on the spectrum.

Hi Summer123, I'm NT (well more or less) and I suffer from social anxiety so a lot of what you have said sounded familiar. From your description I think that that is at the heart of your problems, with some ASD traits thrown in. I am not in any way shape or form entitled to tell you that you are this or that but on the whole I do not think you have AS.

You say it would come as a relief to have that diagnosis and I can sort of understand that, but social anxiety in its own right is a diagnosis too, and worthy of intervention if you feel strongly enough about it. I had a pretty varied (euphemism) childhood and it left me hypersensitive to other people's moods/ feelings etc and I think there is a bit of that going on with you too.

I always get lost in buildings and have been known to get lost in large car parks. Same with dance moves etc. That's just lack of spatial awareness of the sort that you would need if you wanted to be a surgeon or a pilot. If however you bump into things a lot that's another matter!

You may have seen the thread by Scientist (usually near the top of page 1 of this forum) with about 8 or so different online self tests you can do and you could have a go at those but beware the confirmation bias. You may score in one or other category and the borders are a bit fluid. And of course, welcome to WP!

I know how you feel. I too want to know what I have, but don't want to go to all the effort of finding, paying for, and talking to a therapist.

First, you can have traits and sensory issues without being diagnosed with the disorder. I think that's why it's so hard for people like us to know if we really have it or not. We definitely have some traits, but we don't know if they are significant. I think it depends on the certain kinds of traits... the main issue with AD is impaired social understanding and communication... so, if you feel like you have trouble understanding nonverbal communication and the like, and you feel like you have trouble communicating your emotions, you might have it. If you definitely don't have those issues, you probably couldn't be diagnosed with it. The other traits are just sort of clusters of impairments and quirks that TEND to be correlated with AD, but are not always. And I also think there are people with extreme sensory issues who are not on the spectrum at all.

Second, I think a lot of people do that savoring thing with someone they really like, and I don't think it's a problem. The bigger problem would be ruminating over a bad interaction, which can happen with anxiety or a low self-confidence that could stem from many different issues.

Finally, social anxiety can definitely be caused by trauma. In fact, there are psychologists who believe that it is ALWAYS caused by some sort of rejection or bad social experience before the onset of the anxiety. On the flip side, if you have AD or poor social skills, that could have led to the rejection early on as well.

Basically, I think you might still have Asperger's (especially if close relatives have been diagnosed already). But since I know people with social anxiety, your signs struck me, so I just wanted to try to give you some of my experiences with it. Did any of my mom's symptoms resonate with you in particular that you wanted to know more about?

Hello everyone Thank you all for you input. After reading these post I am thinking that social anxiety has played such a big part in my life, all due to bullying at home and later at school because It was less scary for me to just submit than challenge other people. It must have been on my mind as I was sleeping I could feel how powerless it feels to be bullied.

However there was something a little different about me, and maybe that drew bullies and bossy people to me as I was an easy target. I guess I may never really know. I do feel that I have traits.

Had I had support and encouragement at home, who knows how things would have panned out. Constant negative attention from a hysterical mother who admitted that she hated the way I was as it reminded her of herself, seems to have over shadowed other issues that may be underlying.

I do feel a compulsion to look in mirrors or anything reflective when passing at home or out and about, but then I was called ugly when I was young and made to feel it at home so maybe that is just another symptom of my childhood experiences.

I followed a link that was on the first page yesterday but can't find it now, but it showed stick people with captions underneath relating to aspergers and some of them described how I feel. I guess it is all in the degree and severity.

Personally I am going with social anxiety, plus some traits which are underlying, but probably not enough to be classed as aspergers/autistic. As for stimming I do funny things at home like keep cracking my knuckes, and clacking my teeth one after another, etc but I guess everyone does to some degree.

I will do an asperger test later and see how I get on.

Lastnightilie, I guess what I really want to know is how can I get rid of the trauma that has left me finding social encounters an ordeal rather than a natural part of life? I think I also get bored with the chit chat that creates and cements friendships and get tired and drained by it, which doesn't help.

Thank you so much.