Question for diagnosed Aspies: Do you care about fitting in?

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Letta
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01 Jan 2012, 3:31 pm

169Kitty wrote:
I used to worry more about what people thought about me but that's getting better and I'm starting to not care what people think. Although I would like to be able to fit in enough to carry on a casual conversation with a group of people. But as far as things like how I do my hair, not wearing makeup and my ultra comfy clothes I don't care what people think, they don't live in my body.


I can very much relate to that.



OJani
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01 Jan 2012, 3:40 pm

I don't think it's a black and white thing, everyone tries to fit in to some degree. Some more, others less.

I try to fit in to some extent, but it's not much what I can do, I think. I have limited resources, abilities, and my attitude may appear negative sometimes toward fitting in, but in reality I'm not that negative. It primarily stems from my personality that is tied to ASD.

Without trying to fit in I would certainly become more aloof and shut up in myself, any my anxiety felt due to the perceived uncertainty of the future and loneliness would skyrocket for sure.


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01 Jan 2012, 4:22 pm

Sometimes, but its only because I dont want to be thought of as a loser. However when it comes right down to it, I don't care. I am extremely independent. But like others say, I dont want to hurt people's feelings so I try to keep in touch.


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ChekaMan
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01 Jan 2012, 4:53 pm

It dosen't bother me a bit.



NaomiDB
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01 Jan 2012, 6:10 pm

I was younger I was totally desperate to fit in and didn't know the first thing about talking to people, I think its untrue that people with aspergers don't care about fitting in, sometimes they really want to and really try but cant, ever heard of trying to jam a square peg into a round hole?
now I accept myself just as I am and hope to let all my eccentricity and quirkyness that was hammered out of me as a kid out :P



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01 Jan 2012, 6:13 pm

I couldn't care less about fitting in. Never have. There are certain things that I refuse to change about myself, no matter what the cost. These include what I wear (for sensory issues), my special interests, and things that I feel very, very strongly about. I stand up for what I believe in. I don't care if people think I'm quirky. That's what Asperger's is all about. The people who really care will accept you how you are.


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The_Walrus
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01 Jan 2012, 6:24 pm

I cared when I was 8 or 9. Nowadays I think... why would I want to fit in with them??

90% of everything is rubbish, and that includes people. I would hate to fit in with most people.



LeafPass
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01 Jan 2012, 6:31 pm

I went through a stage, while I was at university, of being fashionable and attempting to be quite sociable, and I think I pulled it off reasonably well, when I ended up having to move back to my parents' for a few months, I suddenly found myself reverting back to who I really am and realised that I'm so, so much happier being me.
I feel like I had to do it, it allowed me to feel more like one of the 'normal people' I'd always wanted to feel like - and then conclude that I'm really not one of them at all and that I'm actually quite comfortable being myself.


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Fnord
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01 Jan 2012, 6:33 pm

I stopped caring about "fitting in", and feel much better for it!



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01 Jan 2012, 9:28 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
I could honestly care less if I fit in. If I feel like I have to act a certain way, I tend to be kind of mean.


You could care less? So I take it that you do indeed care about fitting in, then? :P
I noticed that, too. I just corrected the word and moved on.



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01 Jan 2012, 10:42 pm

No, I don't care about fitting in.

If it appears that I do, i.e., not making noise to bother the neighbors, that's just because I don't want them to interact with me.



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01 Jan 2012, 11:04 pm

I would be lying if I said I do not care, but I am actually only interested in having society accept me as I am, rather than changing to be accepted. Usually, I am content enough to be left alone, as long as I have something to do, but when things get boring, I start feeling lonely, even though I tend to avoid people when they try to approach me.

I hate to admit it, but maybe it is way past time for me to get some therapy. Or medication.



bruinsy33
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02 Jan 2012, 12:33 am

I am not sure what you mean by ''fitting in''..I fit in very well in the workplace and am generally well liked by everybody.I have a few close friends but I don't see them that often ,we keep in touch by phone and computer.The one area that needs work is my love life ,of course I would like a girlfriend but for the most part I am content in my solitary world with my music ,computer and tv.



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02 Jan 2012, 5:13 am

I just want friendship,love and companionship more than anything else on earth. I don't have any of that.
I drive myself to depression and insanity because I don't fit in socially with anyone.

I don't change myself completely but sometimes I will lie and try to make myself look better for acceptance.

I still wont lower myself to confirming to mainstream society. People think of me as weird no matter how hard I try.
Never would I wear makeup or fashionable cloths to impress someone.


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02 Jan 2012, 5:48 am

Sometimes so. Sometimes,not.

The older I get, the less of the former.


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02 Jan 2012, 7:59 am

For a long time I didn't know about the concept of "fitting in." I think I picked up on the idea in my 20s, as I started to socialize more and would encounter pressure to think/behave in certain ways. That, for example, some of the people I knew seemed to be more interested in applying social pressure toward consensus and agreement than they were in whether what they agreed upon was accurate or correct.

I find that when someone applies this pressure to me, that if I listen to it, it makes it harder to function in that context because it is difficult for me to adopt a perspective that I don't believe is correct. The alternative, of course, is to argue against it. Arguing creates friction, as people tend to be committed to their perspective.

I am not saying I am always objectively correct, but rather what I perceive as correct, which can turn out to be wrong.

I am not opposed to fitting in. But if I don't fit in, it is often the case that I do not want to fit in.

I'm not sure this is precisely what the OP means.