Are You Able to Hide Your Aspergers?

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This.



As for the question

I talked to a lot of people who either knew at least one autistic person personally or a lot of autistic children but who fail to identify my ASD. Once they know about it they still sort of "forget" and don't seem to understand how some things that I experience are related to my autism and are not "mysterious" or because of "something else".

If you met one autistic person, you met one autistic person - a fair amount of people don't seem to get that one and assume all autistic people have the same impairments and differences as the autistic person that they now/that an 23yo autistic person must be just like an 3yo autistic kid or an 13yo autistic kid.

Very mysterious ways of thinking... people never fail to amaze me.

I was raised to hide who I was. I had no diagnosis until like 8 years ago so, it's hard to change all that programming. It's nice though that people don't know. I've learned so many little tricks that my mask prevents people from seeing who I really am; but that's also a bad thing because people don't really know the real me. Though only a few people have noticed my quirks as I call then, so I guess I blend naturally. My mom is a wonderful person, and did not teach me these tricks to be bad, she really was just trying to help. When I was younger I was so eager to have friends that I made poor choices. Mom helped me by sheltering me more and more. So honestly I've only had eight years of growing up. I don't know if that's the right or wrong way to raise one with Autism, but I no longer have what if moments. Too tiring. I have found that online, I can be who I am and it's awesome lol

Most people think I am a bit odd, but not in a bad way (I don't think). No one would suspect I had AS unless I shared with them every detail of my life, then still they'd say I'm too talkative and emotional

I try but often fail.

It's gotten worse the older I've become.

I think it's the whole "age appropriateness" issue.

When I was 18 I was probably mentally 16 (in the social dimension).

Now that I am in my mid to late 40s, but apparently stuck at a mental age of about 30, it makes it much more difficult to fly below the radar.

Radar has already pinged me due to being childless at this age and still living a bit bohemian outside of work. Then people pick up on social skills gaps and it's all over. I'm typecast as an "other."

I do some times but I cant for long. That and most places I go I have my service dog with me and her service dog vest says "AUTISM SERVICE DOG" on it so most people already know so theres no need to hide it.

I don't really think I go out of my way to act any different to what I am used to, that being said, my parents spent a lot of time working on my social skills amongst other things (I was diagnosed at age 5 with ASD). It's a bit cloudy though, as to what really caused my ASD, because I have other neurological conditions and they could have easily contributed to the symptoms of ASD, but at times I am definitely socially withdrawn amongst other things.

That being said I find it easy to make good eye contact, however when I am around other people I just tend to zoom off into my own world instead of paying attention to conversations that are around me.

This is very true. I'm afraid i was guilty of it myself until several years ago when a doctor mentioned it in connection with me. I even rejected his suggestion that i might have it based on that thought pattern. It had been clear to me for quite a while that i had issues other people just didn't, but i simply could not relate my isues with those of my low-functioning much younger cousin. I could not imagine that they were part of the same disorder.

Thankfully, the doctor's suggestion stuck with me and within a few months i had begun a campaign of reading every single bit of information on it that i could find.

I do wish I could explain why i thought the way i did, the way the people you mention do. I think it's something to do with people's need to fit every thing and every experience in their lives into neat little categories. Which is fine, and even useful, until you make the mistake of trying to do it to people.

I used to think everyone should hide it because of society's bias and misunderstandings about it. Now that I've grown up more as an individual and seeing for my eyes more about the people that surround this kind of community, like anything else pretty much, it really depends on the person and the person's situations whether they should admit they have it or not.

Admitting that you have autism certainly can scare some people away and bring in a new set of friends possibly. It could affect a job you have and how people interact with you professionally. The stress, type of change, and pressure that come along with admitting such a personal quality about yourself could be a life-changing experience for some, and should not be taken lightly. If you are a free flowing soul who happens to know that it's okay for you to be more open in your situation, then it is probably the right decision for you. Whatever works for one person will not necessarily work for another person. Everyone around you, friends, psychologists, supporters, even kindness from strangers can mean well, but ultimately, we as individuals must make the final decisions.

I noticed recently a friend/acquaintance referred to me indirectly stating how he cannot understand how some autistic people cannot admit or do not want to admit they have it, and how it is more rare than an autistic person can be so critical of another person. Maybe it's because of my personal experience with this person, but I feel that a person who cannot understand why someone else would want to hide their autism is either immature and/or needs to realize that his reactions/emotions can affect other people's energy and can be an extreme burden to others.

In terms of having a mask, I don't think it has to be a bad thing. I mean, it truly takes time to get to know a person, so if a person does not know, maybe they don't need to know. What's important is that you live your life in a way that can work for you, not if someone knows or not per se.

For me personally, I do not want the pressure of revealing what is such a personal detail to me. I just want to be treated with respect and try to do the same for others. I don't want it to see like I'm trying to use my autism as an excuse to get around the world. I hope I am not a burden or take too much of other people's energy. It's difficult, but you never stop trying. Enough to stand up for yourself when you need to, but enough to respect others of their time, energy, and space to the best of your ability. I need to experience the world for what it is and get around it in my own unique ways.


I have begun to realize it's hard to take in good feedback and understand how much of a friend one really has if that same person feels betrayed even though he really was not.

In the past I was useless at hiding it, whether I was trying to or not, but now I think I'm getting better at hiding it.

In a way I can. People do notice that I have social issues. They usually think I'm very shy or they know I have social anxiety disorder or depression but everybody that I've revealed to that I may have AS to never thought I did before but can kind of see it now that I've told them.

I can usually fly by under the radar by retreating whenever I feel left out of the conversation, overwhelmed, or just don't want to make a mistake. People then just assume that I'm shy or eccentric or something.

But working in a customer service job has put my faults under the microscope. I feel more pressure that it is a part of my job to be more social, like the other staff. When I try, I will usually fail, and will always learn through mistake. But those mistakes are noticed.

It kinda feels to me like I'm putting on a disguise, trying to fool everybody that I'm someone I'm not. I try to cover my bases and keep my true self hidden, but sometimes I slip up.

Nope, my problem is trying to convince people that I have it. Most people who know me well, know that there is something wrong with me. But they wouldn't have a clue what it is. Except for two acquaintances of mine who happen to be mental health professionals, and they are the ones who figured it out and told me what my problem is.

After 50 years? Yeah, you do learn how to blend in a bit. However, those who have spent a lot of time around me notice my quirks. and there are still quite a few of those..
None of my old friends were surprised when I said I suspect that I have an ASD. I would bet some of my old teachers would have the same reaction!
Of course, most people are near clueless about Autism anyway, that concealing my "challenges" is not all that difficult.

Sincerely,
Matthew
PS.
Being a capable mimic helps a lot, too!

Am I able to hide it?

Apparently not as I'm on the verge of getting fired since I apparently think I'm "better" than everyone else.

What a horrible day......

Apparently the answer is a resounding NO!

lol

Yes im always able to hide it.

Last edited by Quinntilda on 07 Jun 2012, 1:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.