i am an aspie trapped in the neurotypical world, how?

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Everything in this world is so loaded. You cannot disagree with popular wisdom without someone assuming you must hold the most popular wrong answer.

I didn't mean to imply that you did.

I just meant that while people might be able to point you in the correct general direction, no one but you can figure out in the end what is needed to make you happy, or whatever it is that you in particular seek. Every person has to figure it out for themselves what they need to do, or need to have in order to "deal with it".

I am aware of that, but how does telling someone who is struggling with something 'deal with it' supposed to help, I mean usually when people say that to me I wonder why I don't bluntly say 'well what the f**k do you think I'm doing assh*le.' I think I should actually start saying that. Obviously if one is in a terrible situation they kind of do have to deal with it so telling them to deal with it just adds insult to injury in my opinion.

It's all a matter of how blunt the person wants to be. No matter how it's worded, almost every bit of advice you'll receive will boil down to someone telling you to deal with it, whether it be straight up or them suggesting certain ways of coping that have worked for them.

I can see how it could add insult to injury, but perhaps instead of snapping back asking them how first might be a better idea (if your interested in their advice at any rate)

Well then like a poster before suggested if someone has no help, advice or support to offer they do not have to go out of their way to say 'suck it up.' or 'deal with it.' as that tends to just make the individual dealing with the situation feel worse. Also as I said I wish I said that, I never have...in my experience people saying those things are usually not trying to be helpful so I wish I would say something like that instead of just leave myself open to humiliation.

Fair enough.

When someone gives advise such as "just deal, suck it up" it is cruel and I agree with Sweetleaf, it does NOT help. No wonder those like Angel ryan and I feel rejected by the world. So many people cannot relate to the pain and discomfort many of us feel.

Angel, it pains me to hear of the incident with the psych! Geez what a jerk.... I have really bad luck too, weird and difficult situations happen to me frequently. Here's the plus side.... It makes for some very interesting stories and unique persona. Also, asking for help should not hurt you, therefore, you need better people in your life. Seek those who are pure in heart. They accept AS and others who are not NT and will not view you as pessimistic.

Oh, yes there is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

And some of us can and know that the way to deal with it is to stare it down and fight back with whatever you have available. I grew up with two parents that constantly thought I was insane and were constantly frustrated with how slowly I seemed to grow (I couldn't even dress myself until I was nearly ten if I remember correctly), and even more so with the fact I wasn't normal.

My mother especially still refuses to accept that I am not normal, not perfect. Nothing I do is acceptable to her because it is not what she thinks I should do to fit her definition of successful. She thinks I am how somehow less than other people, because I do not fit in one of her little niches.

Love hurts sometimes, so does advice. All that anyone can do is share what worked for them.

Well everyone has their breaking point, and once that's reached there's not much to fight back with.

It's true that everyone has a breaking point.

But even if someone is left with not much, they still have something. Whether it be a private enjoyment or one person that always seems to be there, they have something. And if they're willing to figure out how to use that one resource, they will always win in the end. No one is ever truly beaten until they die, there is always a way to "win".

It's just a matter of figuring out how.

I guess that works for some people.

Great post. I've enjoyed reading all the different viewpoints.

Being the odd person out isn't the worst thing in the world and if you can alter your perspective, it can be a good thing.

Of course NTs don't understand you; you're not like everyone else/ with what they're familiar and comfortable. Insisting they conform to your ideology is ludicrous. Why should they? Discernment takes energy and effort. You're the ONE who's different.

I think if you can believe yourself to be unique, rare and very valuable, which you are, you will begin to convince others of the same. NTs pick up on this kind of stuff without knowing and can be easily swayed by unconscious means, no matter how un-intentional on your part.

I've always been very affected by what others think of me - or what I perceive they think of me. (Actually, people seem to be freely verbal with me - like it's their right to openly criticize me to my face.) It can be very limiting. I keep track, rating and filing the comments in my special way. Telling me it doesn't matter what others think doesn't help because I know it does, but I've developed several methods of overlooking instances that might have sent me underground in the past.

If enough people I can respect tell me a thing, I figure it's something I can work on. Google or Bing can be very helpful. Learning about Asperger's has given me a better understanding of what's really going on. I have more choices in how to deal and I feel better about myself without as much effort.

Negative emotions are like drugs. It's hard to suck it up and get over them, but if you take it one step at a time, you will make progress. If you choose to do nothing, you won't. There aren't any short cuts so the sooner you get it over with, the better.

Everyone makes their own choices. Me, I choose to be happy regardless of NTs or circumstance, or anything. It's illogical to choose to be unhappy.

Since I'm human, I use crutches, for lack of a better term. I watch comedy on TV, seek out a favorite friend, listen to happy music, go for a walk with my dogs or just smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling, whether you feel like it or not, can reduce anxiety and depression? Just squinch up your cheeks and give it a go.

Whilst growing up, I learnt 'that's life' and just lived with it. I didn't have the assertiveness or know-how to speak up. I can't say that method of dealing with things has been good for me in the slightest. But, I'm an adult now. The way I see it, these days, is that just because that's the way it is, it doesn't mean that's way it should be, or indeed, has to be. My daughter's much more capable of speaking up about unfairness than I ever was. I'm trying to stand with her, backing her up all the way. But, it's frustrating, having to deal with so many people who won't do anything about injustice or just don't have the guts to deal with it. They also seem to think if kids like her could just change to 'fit in', all will be right in the world. My challenge is proving them wrong and I aim to succeed at this one.

My breaking point is pretty awful. I'm 23 years old I live at home I actually think I'm one of the lower functioning people on here. In addition to AS I have severe memory problems/LDs I was told I'd probably have to live off disability all of my life. I've been suicidal since the age of 17. I've dealt with neglect, abuse, and rejection from family members. I tried to get promoted at work but have given up on getting full time hours because I can't handle high stress situations. When I was a little kid I was traumatized by all the bullying. In high school I burnt myself out trying to get good marks like other people my age despite my disabilities. Even though I learn things I forget them over and over again. The first time I had intercourse was essentially rape. I've been unable to maintain or desire relationships with people. I will likely not have children. Which I'm not upset about I'm more devastated by the fact that I can't bond with people very well. I don't feel lonely I just feel very useless in the NT world I live in. There are very few people who seem to understand my feelings. If I do end up offing myself others will view it as suicide I view it as Euthanasia. It's sad when I ask for help dealing with the psychological fall out of my disabilities in an attempt to continue living and then having the people who say they can help turn up the heat on my depression. I'm really sick of this world. It might sound stupid but gifted or not I wouldn't mind being normal.

You should do what you feel can, including anything you feel like you might like to try...... After that, life is what you make of it...... Seek help, teach yourself, suicide, or sit like a lump drooling, the choice is yours. Though personally Id encourage you to pursue something that makes you feel good, whatever that might be.

For all the disagreement about "Suck it up and deal with it" going on, I believe it is drivel. There are myriad reasons I believe for people using that kind of response, not the least of which can be things like "Well, I had a hard time too, why should I help them any, they should have to figure it out on their own!", or "Ha, why should I care about them?" Amongst many other really nasty possible beliefs...... Not everybody can pull themselves up by their bootstraps no matter what certain politicians, populists, or contemporary celebrities chant it, and our society wasn't really built around, nor is evolving to, a kind place where those that need help can easily attain it, le sigh.

As far as other modes of advice, to the right question, the right advice is more then possible to be had. "HELP ME!" probably won't get one as far as "Hey, I cant seem to figure this particular issue out, do you have any experience with it?". You'll still get alot of non-help from people regardless, but directness, and simplification of your issue for the benefit of quick explanation for others understanding I have found to be useful when looking for help. The more you can learn about your issue, and more succinct though thorough, the more likely others will be able to help fill in gaps or otherwise point in the right direction. After all, Paid Counselors today have only taken the position that many Elders and Friends had enjoyed for millennia before......

Cheers,
Aldran