Do I sit upon the spectrum?: First Post

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The way you write is quite verbose and formal. Do you write that way naturally? Or are you just doing that on purpose to make yourself seem more like an aspie (to us and yourself). Not trying to accuse you of anything of course. But it's worth thinking about where your writing style came from because it is indicative of ASD. With self-diagnosis there is always a tendency to be biased one way or another. Even if you go see a doctor you may end up subtly persuading the doctor to give you the diagnosis you want.

All that said, do you really need to get diagnosed anyway? What will assigning a particular label to yourself be able to accomplish? Categorizing yourself according to some rigid classification system doesn't necessarily make you more knowledgeable about yourself, but perhaps reading about ASD will allow you to notice things about yourself that previously went unnoticed (assuming you don't fall victim to confirmation bias). Based on where you live though, you may be entitled to financial aid if you get professionally diagnosed (socialism ftw lol), so that probably makes it worth it.

One thing I noticed that made me strongly suspect myself of having Aspergers is that many of the people I get along best with have very strong Asperger tendencies (much stronger than mine). Also, I realized that those aspie friends of mind tend to annoy other people, but annoy me less. Don't just look to yourself. Look to who you associate with to get a slightly more unbiased idea.

Axiom,

I admire your direct manner of enquiry. To answer your question: no, my style of writing is not the product of a desire to appear more
aligned with Aspergers, so to speak. Were that the case, I imagine it would prove to be quite an effort. I am an insatiable reader of
poetry and old and new literature and I have an intense preoccupation with the writing of poems, the craftsmanship involved rather than some
effusive desire to express emotions. For example, there are certain rhythms and structures on which to hang the words. I have been
indefatigably revising this one poem (blast the thing) since October (in between occasional others) that I simply cannot raise to my
standards. The defect, possibly, is my attachment to certain parts of the poem that should be gone altogether. At any rate, it cannot
suffice. To return to your question and concern, I am often derided and snickered at for my way of speaking and my approach to
writing, simply because it is different. Most other students seem intent on making one feel abashed and criminal for his knowledge.
One student commended my writing to me, and I was very pleased. Some time later it was brought to my attention that she had been
maligning my name and my writing after I won the competition. Two friends of the time had to explain precisely why she was jealous
but I could not comprehend in the least. I do not feel jealous. It is slightly confounding.

As to diagnosis, the answer is yes. The issue is necessarily subjective for my part, and I would simply like to know. It seems like an
intolerable loose end to leave the issue as it hangs. I simply must know, and there is no other way about it.
It isn't the most prominent implication on my mind, but yes, I would indeed be able to avail myself of certain financial benefits
were it so. That would all be part and parcel, I suppose.

I fall in and out of friendships, nothing lasts. I am usually disappointed. I have no tangible intimate friend, so to speak, though I have
two close friends overseas with whom I speak over the internet and the phone.
Terribly despondent at the moment, partly for that reason.

God, my posts are lengthy...

I have to say, your writing style is quite impressive. How natural does that come to you? Do you spend much time editing your posts or is that basically your first draft?

When I write I have a natural tendency to make things unnecessarily wordy, and it doesn't always turn out nicely. Sometimes I even have trouble reading what I have written.

Now that I think about it more, I totally feel the appeal of wanting to get a diagnosis. The funny thing I always wonder about is does a diagnosis always help? Some people take on the mentality of a sufferer after they are diagnosed and use it as an excuse to not better themselves. Still, extra information, if utilized properly, should never hurt and you get the added benefit of being able to convey your personality more easily to other people.

If you do "sit upon" the spectrum (God that is a funny picture for me) then you have MAD abstraction skills with words so you will not test very high on the standard ASD type tests. Those tests are better for those of us who are more visual with less abstraction abilities. I can barely read what you are trying to convey. That said, I would lay synethasia on ya for sure.

Axiom,

I edited my first a few times to expand and contract certain points, because the first post was important. The rest are
first and last drafts for the most part. It is precisely because writing comes so easily to me on a computer that I choose to
write my own work with pencil and paper. It's much too locomotive and mechanical for a craft like poetry.

Your posts read fine at the minute. Direct in a way that recalls an old friend of mine.


Kfisherx,

That is disheartening. Hopefully if I have the syndrome this will not preclude diagnosis.
I have had an affinity for the texture of words and writing for epochs.
I remember that in my eleventh year when my preoccupation was with ancient Rome, on which I read ad infinitum,
I wrote a twelve page essay named 'a chariot race in ancient Rome'. I was made read it aloud, and I might have
been panoplied in a tattered roman toga for all the gibes I met with from some. I was scorned most fiercely
though for my lacking grasp of Maths and numbers. It is ceaseless.
I would think that visual and abstract abilities are not mutually exclusive. I see the title of the thread as ironic now,
considering that I'm Irish. Leprechauns lingering at the foot of the rainbow and so on. And that is another
interesting phrase. Does a rainbow have feet? Is that the reason one can never catch one?


Anyhow, I am not long awake and am very weary, so there might be a reflection of that in the post.
Something else that occurs to me is the fact that, if I am not diagnosed, I will have wasted the time
of most people who responded here. Might even be reproached for seeking to join the club, as it were.
I should clarify that that is not my desire, which is for the truth alone. A friend of mine with Aspergers
believes I have the syndrome but not in the most diagnosable form. That seems to speak to some
inadequacy in the diagnostic system, if they are so reliant upon the conspicuous things.

D.

Sorry to disapoint you, the absolute truth absolutly doesn't exist, especially in a matter so intelligible as psychology. You can't have truth, just hints.




Just use the search function in the home page, just if as you were searching on the web.

...

Last edited by DJames on 20 Jan 2012, 9:41 am, edited 3 times in total.

You can have both asperger's and synesthesia. You may have heard of Daniel Tammet who not only has asperger's and synesthesia but savantism as well. I however don't see any evidence that you have synesthesia, maybe I missed one of your posts?

I am not sure how synesthesia (joined perception) arose, but it seems improbable. Certain words do have associations with experiences
and such, but I do not perceive words as colours or things of that nature.
In broaching the 'texture' of words, I was referring to their phonetic worth in regard to poems.


Dylan Thomas reading (link)

W.B. Yeats reading (link)

Incidentally, Yeats was suspected of AS by a recent specialist, which is a curiously fitting speculation.

All of my foregoing posts are far too long, perhaps discursive, I now realize.

I am writing to inform those who expressed an interest in my concerns
that I am presently availing of the fortuitous opportunity to be assessed
free of charge, by dint of a limited offer put in place by an Autism organisation
where I am situated. This should prove fruitful.

I will return in the coming weeks with the result.


D.

Congratulations. Most people struggle to get an assessment

Also, be aware than not everyone with AS will have every symptom of it.
As a child, though, I came very, very close. More than enough to qualify.
Like your self, I await a formal diagnosis for an ASD. (Unless I was considerd autistic as a toddler, and not told. A real likelyhood in my family!).
Best of luck to you!

Sincerely,
Matthew