Asperger's in Girls/Women

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hmm not too horrid of a chart, but I don't get the part about females with AS being akward about letting a guy they like know they like them because they don't understand gender roles and it will change with maturity.

I think a lot of that is about the way girls are socialized to appear and behave. Superficial stuff like clothing style, and make up, and social mannerisms with flirting etc. I'm assuming it's not "letting the guy make the move" line of thought- that's been pretty old fashioned for a while.

why are they so confident it will change with maturity? to me maturity is not synonymous with conforming to gender roles. That said as a rule guys tend to make the first move with me probably because It's hard for me to approach people in general but that's not to say I feel it would be wrong of me to make the first move.

Justalouise wrote:
I'm now reading this website, and it's very insightful and easy to understand: http://insideperspectives.wordpress.com[/quote]

Thanks for the tip . It's a good read .

Whoops, didn't see that quote button there. Just speaking for myself, I've become more aware of how I'm perceived, and reactions of other people. I was totally clueless and unaware when I was younger. It's been more a question of more experience, than reaching any certain level of maturity.

I just had a huge AHA moment when I read this! This must be why men think I'm flirting with them. I don't always pick up on the fact that they are flirting with me (until it gets really obvious) and I just automatically mirror the behavior back to them.

I am also slow to pick up on people getting angry with me. I think I just mirror back their aggression and snippiness to them, without understanding they are actually angry. To me it feels like we're just play acting. I'm always surprised when I find out someone is REALLY mad.

Wow, thanks for the link to that chart. I also identify with a lot of the traits.

Out of curiosity, how many girls with Asperger's feel they are "asexual"? I've just never had much interest in guys OR girls.

Being a female spectrumite, doesn't mean we necessarily identify with those charts though. That must also be stated. I don't present like those charts do, I fit more stereotypes than that, though I'm the overly quiet overly docile overly perfectionist type than the speak always and don't know when to stop speaking type.

I'm demisexual.

Since puberty, I've known I was heterosexual, although I have always felt like I have a guy's brain in my body....in fact, I made 2 comments that I remember before I knew anything about Asperger's - 1 - to my current husband, I used to tell him that I was a guy in another life. And to a TCM doctor I had seen 2 years ago, I told him straight on but tearfully , 2 - I don't identify with being a woman.

Hi...people do learn to compensate as they get older. I had no idea that I wasn't making eye contact until a psychology professor in college told me it could be the problem I was having in interviews. So, I learned to fake it *really* well, with the professor's help. That was over 25 years ago. I have also learned to smile a bit more when I can remember to do it.

~Kate

Nope, not asexual. There are times when my sensory issues get in the way, but I'm definitely attracted to guys.

~Kate

Some people maybe compensate as they get older, its certainly not the case for everyone. One problem I run into is even when I learn a lot of things it does not make them any easier to do. Like with the eye contact thing it never really occurred to me to make eye contact until it was mentioned, but even though I know its the normal thing to do in social interaction I still can't do it a lot of the time. It makes me severely uncomfortable and makes it harder for me to focus on what's being said. It's like my brain only allows me to either pay attention or make eye contact rather than both at the same time. As for smiling....I suppose that would be easier if I were happy which I usually am not, but thats more to do with anxiety disorders and depression. Without those I imagine I could work on smiling more as then it would simply be a matter of, I don't naturally smile so I just have to think about it.

I hear girls tend to be more social and shy so they may be passed of as them being shy. Even if they are social, it still gets passed. I also hear that girls tend to use their imaginations more when they play so they tend to do pretend play and they tend to focus on topics than on objects when they obsess. I feel female AS fits me more.

I think I'm a girl now...

Okay : )

About this place - no one can be judged as male or female or by their name or their avatar, and I can't figure out anyone's age unless they have it in their profile or unless they've stated it.

If you )or anyone) puts any stock into the Extreme Male Brain theory, you might also look into 2d 4D ratio.

The majority of (diagnosed) autistics, even women have the male ratio.

But I've been wondering for awhile if there may not be a subset of autism that is the Extreme Female Brain (what Sasha Baron Cohen says schizophrenia is).

Hanging out here for a few years and especially being on the Women's forum gives me the impression that a lot of women might have the SAME core wiring, but with an extremely feminine manifestation.

I myself, have the male ratio they talk about, but I don't feel or act "extremely" male, or even extremely autistic (I'm a woman).

I think I started out with an ASD female or androgynous brain that was masculinized in the womb and that ends result was that I am more similar to men, but not as severe as most people on the spectrum because I started out with some protection.

Men start out with no protection, and then become more masculinized, so they are often more severe and girls will sometimes present in the exact same way, you just see it less.

I really do think the effects of the extremely female brain (outside of schizophrenia) should be studied more.

IMO autism is one thing in ad of itself, and maybe doesn't present at all or very mildly in some folks, maybe they're brains were sexually dimporhous in utero, but that the hormones play a very strong role in how severe the autism will be and how it presents itself.

This isn't to say the Aspie women with the female brains are less severe, but what they have seems less like what wer'e calling autism in a lot of ways.

I've been pondering this very thing for the past few days. I've read two things and had one happen to me recently that have let me to a possible conclusion.

I went to my grandmother's funeral in Iowa. At the "after-party" I was involved in a conversation with my uncles and a few boy cousins about farming and road building. I am very familiar with the concepts of road building because of my role as a planning commissioner and I know some fringe things about farming because I'm a horticulturist and a soil scientist. I guess in this branch of my family, these are "boy" things, but still, it IS 2012.

At one point I had to move away from one uncle (nearly 90 years old) because I started feeling an intense anger in him. It felt like he was shouting at me to stop trying to be a boy. He had also been challenging everything I was saying while another uncle (a more successful farmer and college educated) seemed to be encouraging me. The realization that he was angry (though veiled) hit me like a load of bricks. It was very confusing and the more I think about it, the more embarrassed I feel about how I went on. (I am an extrovert - an aspie nightmare all it's own)

Then, I read a blog about a paper or book on female asperger's called something like "The Girl with the Boy's Brain." Not the kind of title I would ever read but I did read the apologetic review. It got me to wondering if that was it, that people perceive aspie girls as trying to be boys, when it is CLEARLY not what's going on.

The last thing was a post on WP asking if aspie guys were ever called sissy. Almost all of the men who responded indicated this was the case. I know a few aspie guys who are often perceived as sissies but they are not, they just have what would be called feminine interests or mannerisms.

So... do you suppose that aspies are just gender neutral-ish?

I mean, sexually, parentally, emotionally, I'm all girl. I may not express myself the same way other girls do and I may enjoy things that are normally "boy" interests, but I certainly don't have a boy brain. I can multi-task.

As for the embarrassment - I struggle with it constantly. If I didn't work hard at moving on, I'd be constantly depressed. NT reactions can really hurt, sometimes. I regularly remind myself of the encouraging things people say to me. I have to continually remind myself of what I have accomplished in my life so far. I take a lot of deep breaths.