Mean Aspie?

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Some people (NT/AS?) may be referred to by others as having been "born with a good heart", while others may seem to be predisposed to cruelty, ruthlessness, inhumanity, etc.

Have you ever known someone with AS who falls closer to the latter category? (Please don't post names/usernames )

Do you see the majority of people that you know with AS falling closer to one side of these two extremes or does there seem to be no difference when compared to the NT world?

I'd say it's probably closer to the first one, but Aspies vary just like NTs.

Meanness versus kindness seems to be one of those spectrum issues, in a similar way that Autism is a spectrum issue.

I'm cold and calculating. Everything is a matter of logic. I'm not good when it comes to emotions. I don't take pity on someone just because they're crying. I have to know the context. People cry over stupid things, and they shouldn't be encouraged to cry for attention. Plus I don't lie, so if people were to ask if I cared, I would say no.

I don't think I'm inhuman. I don't relish the thought of hurting people physically or emotionally. I'm just detached. But I do have emotions. I only pity the people who actually deserve it, and don't overreact to the situation. It's just too bad I'm terrible at comforting people. I like to cook and bake for people. Food seems to help cheer people up.

Maybe I'm more in the middle.

But I'm not officially diagnosed. My psychologist strongly believes I have aspergers. Just don't want to go about spoiling the good name just because I think I might have it.

Hard to say with AS. I feel that I'm a good hearted person but I've been called mean on many occasions and a lot of people were outright afraid of me when I was in high school. On the other hand I found 2 dogs running around in my neighborhood a couple of months ago and took them in because I didn't want them to be separated or killed at the shelter. Mean is very subjective.

*raises hand*

I can be a cantankerous son of a gun when I'm riled up.

Same, I'm quite sure I come off as ruthless, sometimes. Not necessarily because of what I say, but because I have and will cut people off when they display behaviors that are ridiculous to me, under the pretense of being "emotional beings". I won't deal with these types, emotional vampires. Not all people who are deep feelers are this way, but the thing that tells me to shut them out is when you can sense manipulation underneath all of it...that they know (or think) acting they way they do will affect you and get you to do something for them. I kick these types swiftly to the curb as soon as I'm sure they are guilty of these lol.

But, I am totally different with people who deserve sympathy.

Some people are wired to think that "all emotions have meaning", this is one question I see on a lot of screenings (with a T/F option), this is just ridiculous to me. If saying that makes me sound like an ahole, I might be one. I don't care. I get tired of this fluffy thought process, it's the antithesis of logic, which is what I use to solve my problems. I am not someone who just listens to their gut or believes things because they would make me happy.

That said, I don't often spoil the emotional states of others, even if I think they're deluded. Only if someone asked me for advice, and I would still try to tell what I think in a nice way, but I can't lie someone at this point. Without being asked for advice, I mind my business and let people carry on even I think that they are very nearly ALL completely insane.

I know some NTs who are similar to me, they don't complain(which they call venting) about endless problems that mean absolutely nothing and wallow emotions that have no purpose. I feel closer with these people an when they have a problem, I drop all of my hardness and immediately listen to them and give genuine advice.

Whether you are mean or not will of course depend of the environment. This is true for everybody, but especially for aspies because we don't have a social mapping build in, like NT have, therefore, we have to learn socials the hard way, by trials or errors. If we are in a unhealthy and mean environment, the odds are great that we will turn mean. In my case, I have a good natural sense of empathy for people, but I have been very mean in my life because at some point, this is everything that I knew.

And they are independent from each other, imho.

Some people who have mean characteristics just can't fathom how mean they can be. They are usually sensitive (inside). So, you can't tell them to be more positive with others, because they will be offended. Catch 22.

I am viewed as mean by some people. My husband has described me as someone having mean streaks and he has noticed when someone makes me mad, I can get very mean. But just as long as not one gets on my bad side, I am nice. People who know me describe me as such. Ones who don't know me may think of me as mean or rude. I have noticed my whole life people always had negative opinions about me when they didn't know me and the ones who did know me usually had positive opinions about me. Sure they still have some negative ones but they aren't as important because they focus on the good.

I can also relate to what Frakkin and Expecially said. I see myself as an as*hole that way because I suppose I look that way to others. Emotions and feelings are alien to me and my mother keeps telling me everyone has the right to their feelings but to me if they are wrong, I don't see why I should care. Feelings are a illogical thing and don't always make sense and I always use my logic and ignore what I feel knowing I am just over reacting and being too sensitive.

Of course this isn't exclusive to AS because I have seen plenty of NTs online who are the same way about other people and their feelings. This may be a personality thing. Lot of these people are described as jerks and uncaring. I have also seen NTs online who like to give out advice when people vent and I have also seen NTs who like to give out an honest answer when someone asks than giving them an answer they want to hear. You will find lot of these folk on Babycenter and these women do get described as bullies and mean because of their honesty. There are even groups that have warnings in the descriptions about how it's an advice group and you may be told things you don't want to hear and how people in that group are opinionated and brutally honest.


I am also not good with emotional support and that also isn't exclusive to autism since a member here wrote about her NT husband trying to give her emotional support but apparently he did a bad job. I also get very annoyed when people continue to complain about their problems and do nothing about it, especially people who complain about their problems all the time that can't be fixed. I know Some NTs get annoyed with this too so after a while they either shut the person out or turn mean on them or just drop the bomb on them by telling them to shut it. But people who need emotional support, I am not the person to come to.

I'm told that as a kid I had a "chip on my shoulder" or "wasn't very easy to get along with". I'm also told that if one took it personaly, I was a "very mean baby".

In my humble opinion, the closer you are to one end of the spectrum the more certain types of traits are displayed and attributed to your overall character. Also, i see a good deal of 'Angel' praise (understandably so) in regards to Autistic Children which tends to get associated with Adults as well. While I think parents who praise their children in this fashion are sincere; sometimes, i get the impression it's used to discredit 'the lack of empathy' mantra and the 'your child is bad' stigma.

Aspergers is being associated with genius and angelic goodness in the media. And, unfortunately, every minority goes through media stereotypes until they get into a position that allows them to show their full range of humanity, overtime. Some are vastly more successful than others in accomplishing this goal.

Something tells me THAT the many different flavas(of Autists), as varied as Neurotypicals, will soon surface.

TheSunAlsoRises

Genius AND angelic goodness? Maybe I don't want the stereotype to expand the full scale of humanity, haha.

I ain't gonna lie, it does have it's perks at times ; )

TheSunAlsoRises

I think meanness and kindness vary greatly between people, both for NTs and people on the spectrum.

One thing I've noticed is, it's much easier to notice mean people being mean versus nice people being nice. What I mean is, when someone is being mean to someone else, it's often more apparent to surrounding people, compared when someone is being nice.

I myself have gotten mixed results. I'm nice to people, even ones I dislike, but at the same time I'm not someone others can depend on, emotionally. What I mean by this is summed up quite well by what Frakkin said:

The same goes for me. Also, even though I may (try to) express sympathy when I think someone needs it, I almost never actually feel anything about it, as in, I don't feel like I care at all; my emotional state usually remains unchanged by bad things that have happened to others.

Any suggestion that people with aspergers are any different morally to their peers shall be stricken from the record, any suggestion otherwise is tantamount of mentalism.