Feel as if I don't have a personality/character

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Does anybody else feel as if they don't have a personality? I could never relate to what people meant by 'personality' - I could never relate to this concept. It's as if my sense of personality or identity had never developed, and I mean this literally.

Last edited by Transhuman on 18 Feb 2012, 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I know what you mean. I remember that somebody in the mental health field who was trying to help me once told me something like "the fear of the autistic is that his authentic identity is slipping through his fingers". It hit me like a hammer, because I knew what he meant. I sometimes feel like there is a certain person that I was supposed to be, a person with strong convictions and a successful life, but because of my condition I am instead a vague uncertain person with no convictions.

I don't understand the concept of "personality" that well and I have the feeling, that my "personality" is my special interest, otherwise I am lost and don't know what defines a "personality".

I can understand that, but I experience it differently.

I see everyone else as having personalities, but I see myself as not really a person. I'm the audience; I react to stimuli. I don't seem to create any events, though. It seems to me like other people are so much more complex than I am, and that they create events and react to them, whereas I only react. Even my thoughts and feelings are only reactions.

Yeah, that's me.

I see. It's different for me, though. I can't really conceptualize other people's personality either most of the time. I also have no idea what "to be yourself" or what "identity" really means. I also have no idea what "confidence" is, or is supposed to be. I also have no idea why people base 4/5 of their conversations on sharing opinions on irrelevant matters. They just bring up a topic (ex: other people, movies, games, etc) and share their opinions on it, then get to a higher detail of the topic, and share their opinions again, and so on, and so forth.

I don't feel 'inferior' to others, I would say I feel rather superior in some important abilities, while inferior in others.

What I also found out is that I don't ever think in words, unless I learned some concept mostly verbally. Then, when I need to define it or reason with it, I vocalize it's name rather quietly.

I never have "Internal monologues" or whatever this stuff is supposed to be.

The use of the concept of "personality" reminds me of the use of the concept of the "soul".
You invent an entity so vague that it can't be disproven, then say that it categorically includes
human attributes we find inherently appealing (diligence, kindness, wonder, etc), and then
use it to spit in the face of logic, to deny justice, and to rationalize our prejudices.
Plus, the definition of one's personality is continuously transitory to suit one's interests.

"That machine cannot complete this repetitive, menial task as well as a human because it has no soul."
"We won't hire you because you have a bad attitude. You need to improve your personality."
"You must accept my word as true because my soul is pure."
"I don't trust you because it's in your nature to lie and steal."
"We all had a great time. We just never invited you because we didn't think someone of your personality would enjoy it."
"Yes, he did betray you, but that's not like his personality at all, so I'm sure he wouldn't do it again."
"I don't love you. I love him for his personality."
[People don't typically say things quite like that, but you get the idea.]

This is why I reject the concept of a personalities outright. I have never seen its
consideration used as a means to make more rational or just decisions,
but only less rational and less just decisions.

Based on the way I see people treat each other, and the way I see them treat me,
I suspect most people believe I have either no personality or an detestable personality.

However, I see the classification and development of "personalities" for fictional characters as a high art.

Interesting... I have trouble with words, yet I cannot think abstractly without them.
Except that I am right brain oriented so I have great geometric visualization and mathematical skills
independent of language, but I could not, say, formulate a philosophical conjecture without words to assist me on the way.

I have many objections to other people telling one of us to "be yourself".
This has the tactile, cautious statement of a lawyer, who flees from liability or responsibility.
If you succeed, the advisor can say, "Good for you. You took my advice and acted like yourself."
If you fail, the advisor can say, "You didn't take my advice. I told you to be yourself."

I never tell anyone to "be yourself". What would qualify me to make such an arrogant statement?
It implies that I know more about who he/she is supposed to be than he/she themself.
So why should others tell us such nonsense?

My greatest difficulty is distinguishing confidence from arrogance. They both seem to have the same external observable symptoms.
Why is one person's overestimation of his/her abilities viewed with favor, and another person's overestimation with contempt?

I do have convictions. For me, maybe it's the feeling of having my own culture.

I live in the Deep South, for example. While I do love Southern cuisine, I otherwise feel like an outsider to the culture.

I kinda know what you feel

It seems like in our society we are encouraged to "take positions" to pick something and defend it no matter what. That's what they call "convictions"

I always found that stupid, that's why I can never have a debate, because most people will take positions and will defend them until the end, and I'm not like that, I like to analyze everything, I never take positions, that's why many people might think that I'm bland.

It seems like to have a personality means go to the extremes

Ah, I can relate to this. I'm pretty good at analyzing who is going to win elections, for example. But if you try to discuss politics impartially with any NT, they are going to see you as the "other."

Maybe I should add that to the social rule book.

that's how i frequently feel, like i dont know myself, or how i present myself to others

Yes.

I made a thread not so long ago about bicameral thinking and how it may relate to autism.

I'm pretty constantly depersonalized, I was a kid too but I think it felt different then because I wasn't entirely responsible for being a "person" if you will, I mean I didn't need to find employment or make anything of myself so lacking an identity didn't feel quite as strange then.

In general, though, this is why some people on the spectrum take on facades, I remember doing them as far back as 7 or 8, usually based on TV characters.

Thins got ugly and complicated after years of taking on different personas, I don't have one now and it's just...weird to deal with. Not depressing, but weird.

There is no such thing as "personality" as all personality traits found in humans are caused by a symbiosis with the environment they grew up in. All of your traits are traits you've picked up when you were younger. Personality isn't down to nature, its down to nurture, or environment, because personality is simply a human construct. There is no real you.

I feel like this as well. It's like I'm a container, just a body, and there's nobody inside.

I think that there comes a time in the lives in people who feel like they have no 'personality', that they start feeling like they've had a better personality than others all along. Good luck.