Do aspies want friends or not?

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I've got friends, I can count them with my fingers, but I don't feel the need of making more, I'm satisfied.

I don't know exactly how to answer this question... I like being liked, but honestly I'd rather not have to worry about friends' feelings and considering them when making plans, etc. My wife is the exception to this, of course. I despise having people over to the house, and I don't like getting stuck in any situation where there are other people depending on us (or with us depending on them) for whatever the activity is. Going to meet a group at a restaurant is fun, but that's plenty of interaction for me. My social life consists of interacting with those with whom I'm involved in some sort of business, or at least purpose. If there isn't something to hold an interaction together; whether it be a project of some kind, or a transaction, I get bored and want to move on. I have more interaction with our employees and and the people who live in our rentals, than with anyone else. It's just more comfortable that way. I'm probably the only bodybuilder who will not go to the gym. I built my own in stead, so I can do my sport alone, and not worry about impressing or embarrassing anyone else. I've never entered any competition, and never cared to, and people say I'd have done well. No interest.

Charles

I want friends. I feel lonely, isolated and depressed if I didn't have any friends, especially when everybody else around you all harp on about their friends and what they're doing with them, and you just have to politely listen and then carry on living a solitary life.

I've always been able to start a few friendships, but it's hard for me to maintain them. I forget to do things with people so friendships aren't strengthened and they eventually fizzle. I have some close friends now and I'm pretty happy about that

According to my early research, supposedly Aspies usually do desire some form of human connection but often lack the social skills to make them and are frustrated and unhappy as a result.

Myself (no dx) - I do not want any friends and I've never really put much stock in making them although I have had a few over the course of my life. I currently have none at the moment and am perfectly fine with that.

Some want them some do not. Plus it's sometimes a misconception they do not want friends because they don't try and seek them out. Some do try and seek them out and fail to get them so they give up. John Robison is an example of it. He tried to get friends but didn't know how to interact with them so the kids would always get mad at him. But at least when I was a kid, I would join in what they were doing and parroral (sp) play but when I would actually play with them, I would be seen as mean and rude. So grown ups assumed he didn't want friends because he was alone and never played with anyone. But he said in his book he did want friends but no one wanted him so he played alone.


Now I am not really interested in friends. Friends were a lot easier to have when I was a kid but things change as you get older. It started to get hard to have friends my age when I got to 4th grade. So I went for the younger age groups because we had things in common and they were not boring and they wanted to play with me. But however I seem to do better with acquaintances. I seem to be better at making them than making friends.

For me (and I presume a lot of people on the spectrum) there's an issue with how much time I can spend with others. I can only really spend up to a couple of hours intensely with people before I start to feel drained and overwhelmed. When I did feel able to go to social gatherings and they lasted too long for me I used to leave early but that seemed to be frowned upon or thought a bit odd. So I think more and more I just avoided them making opportunites to make friends few and far between. Due to this I think people may get the impression that I am a bit aloof and don't want to spend time with them when that's not the case. So basically I want friends but maybe can't always do what's needed.

I'm an aspie i have less than 4 friends despite what my facebook says and I feel much happier without any because it gives me time to do the things I really enjoy doing

Personallly, I never wanted friends. I wonder if I'm really more schizoid than autistic. Other people just seem to get in the way and I find most of them very boring. I rarely leave my house and am basicaly a shut-in. I still live with my parents because they don't think I could live on my own or that I couldn't afford too. My parents always talk about how there will need to be someone to check on me when they die. My parents basicaly taught me to be dependent on them and I really fear I'm going to be the female version of Christian Weston Chandler someday. Anyway, my parents always talk about how it feels like a visit whenever I come out of my bedroom and my dad always referers to my bedroom as "the batcave". I remember I wanted to get something to eat but since I can't drive (that right there is really saying something becuase Christian Weston Chandler can drive) I wanted my parents to drive me somewhere. My dad's response was something like, "If you didn't spend all day in "the batcave" and came out at a decent hour this wouldn't happen." But anyway, I never felt the need for friends. I never seek them out and find "friendly" people very scary.

My pattern of friendship is that understanding people often just 'aggressively' approach me to become friends. It is often people with good charity in mind or people who want an introverted companion.

Most of the time I want to avoid people. The people I avoid are least understanding. The good friends who understand, I can talk to easily, but often find myself withdrawing for weeks.

I am feeling pretty guilty that I wasn't there for my friend's birthday this week, but holed up in my room being depressed and sorry for my self. The autistic life style is often 'selfish' but in a non-egotistical way but more of a 'I don't really care about socializing right now'

I'm not sure why autistics often "don't want to socialize" but I found the best bridge for socializing is being involved in your interests which then goes over the 'small talk'

When I do socialize i find it extremely beneficial though as far as kick-starting the brain when it becomes stuck in its autistic world of selfish obsessions and ramblings...


Also people with aspergers tend to have schizoid type tendencies. I my self am psychic (not delusional but in fact having heightened senses where I experience ESP around people which becomes overwhelming)
It is true, Einstein, who was likely on the spectrum, had a schizophrenic son. Schizoid/schizotype tendencies tend to show up more in people with AS which makes me wonder if people with AS have both autistic and schizophrenic genetics

Luckily I still have (most, not all) my friends I made back around middle school and elementary, so I'm not dying to have friends at the moment, even though they are over 600 miles away (I moved). Having friends doesn't hurt, and in fact it's super beneficial in some cases, alas, I (like many others on this site) have a metric crap-ton of trouble making and keeping friends. I frequently alternate between feelings on loneliness and contentment. Basically what I want now is not friendship...but love.

I most definitely want to have friends & want to be liked. Even before I knew I had AS, I was well aware of my social shortcomings & lack of friends.

One problem is that social situations in general tend to stress me out. My inclination is to avoid them when possible, so this naturally limits my ability to meet people. Another is the difficulty that I have connecting emotionally to other people. I mean, I can intellectualize friendship, but that isn't the same thing as FEELING it. Often it feels more like an alliance between countries than a true emotional bond with another human. Also, alot of the time I really do just want to be by myself. But that's not the same as not wanting friends.

One thing that has worked for me is to try to build connections with people who share one or another of my interests. In fact, most of my close friendships were formed this way.

Perhaps because friendship is such a difficult process for me, I do whatever I can to hold on to the friends that I have. I try to be loyal & helpful in their times of need. I always strive to be tolerant & non-judgmental. I try not to come across as vain, self-centered or pedantic.

My personality is always going to be what it is, & I don't really want to change. But I have worked really hard at friendship, & there have been successes & failures. I've made friends who have really shined when I've needed them & have offered me complete understanding & support. But, I've experienced my share of rejection as well - attempts at friendship that went nowhere, personality types that just don't seem to like me, people who inexplicably just turn on me, even violently. Or people just get too weirded out by me.