First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I have posted elsewhere some of my life but its very special just to find others to talk to, share with, talk about falacies of questions an as a group, come up with ways to make it easier to identify in any age so others do not need to go through or experience our bad, and though its more quickly found young now... many of us older have been trying to find out what is wrong with ourselves for a very long time whom got missed by being in the middle and getting by somewhat but still frustrated in lack of finding answers. I began looking my second year of college and frustrations led to complete drop out without finding an answer or someone who could see what i sought. To some extent when i cant find ways to verbalize aloud, i can with words because of all things combined. This forum i hope can help me and perhaps as a group helping many others.

When i become overloaded too often do not have outlet of just talking. Its very hard to find conversations at all when you desparately need to loose the steam. Just trying to find anyone to talk to has been literally impossible for me to find in my area so overload ends with crying alone, and not wanting alone but emotional distress totally blocks logical thinking for me. I hae noticed when i cant find that outlet is when i post online the most. Very often in evening. Add in getting MS diagnosis has put me into rather emotional mess.

I am like others in some ways, get shaking mad with a very sharp tongue that others mistake as opposit mad, but mostly the anger is a frustration with something so with anger i want understanding of why i am angry which i seldom find so I do my best to avoid situations that can cause that anger, but not avoid confrontations just try to avoid what causes the anger by trying to analyze myself but most of it is frustrations with no one wanting to listen

When I was young & angry, the episode often ended in violence towards any bedroom wall. You can still see the areas where I went right through the timber framework, luckily the last violent attack was back in '04 when I watched the results of the HEA '04 bill - more commonly known as Labour's Tuition Fee bill.

When I overload, I turn mute and usually the guilt or anxiety (Or sometimes both) either pushes to me drink more or leave the scene completely which usually prompts a shutdown instantly (Like in the taxi I'm hitting shutdown 'what if' mode).

I have a question, to all groups really, which generally isn't Aspie like in nature but my aspieness charactistics prompt: how did you break out of your doubts and speak the truth? It seems this week, I've been taking steps to improve, well, 'me' and it seems as if I'm ready to tell the important people some of the stuff I've wanted to say, but couldn't. I don't want to mess it up, and large parts of me want to go and talk, but it's that unknown reaction I can't quite judge for. Is there any tips for breaking past this barrier?

I know that we are sort of short on nts here, but a question for nt girls. Do you absolutely detest skirts?

Needed : A correlation between what I am doing and a word I can understand, such as if I was crying - you would respond perhaps your sad.
Not Needed : An assessment of the situation. (but you can if you want).

So, a hour ago or so I was eating. A Chinese girl turned around (employee) while sitting in a booth behind mine (we where back to back) and asked what I do for a living out of the blue. We then had a short discussion in which I barely understood her and she barely understood me. But the emphasis here is I actually enjoyed myself. Usually what happens is I will be eating/going to eat and there is a hostess/cashier who takes a liking to me. I usually don't reciprocate feelings and/or its noise prone/loud in the area so I can't function. I avoid three or so places right now due to this, and another due to an ex girlfriend. But with this girl I simply thought about when I could come back next. Which is odd for me. Often times I'm alone, and my own little world seems to be far from the truth of the bigger one. It always seems like my own little world is closed off, with just me there to enjoy it. But could I necessarily be doing something wrong by ignoring the outside world? Am I making odd decisions based on an emotion which I can't fully understand but may have a name? I just know I find myself sitting here alone, I don't exactly want company but for some reason that girl made me think more than any of the others have. For some reason she pulled me slightly over to the real world in our short conversation. But perhaps I'm just confused. She was easy to stare at, nice skin - easy to smile with, for some reason the small partition of booth separating us seemed almost like it wasn't there. It seemed like I was holding her hand despite that. I wish I could have spoken to her more.

Today I went to the pub and I saw a man that I have seen once before. I sat next to him. He is a chef, I am a cook, so we started talking about local restaurants. He is not from around here, neither am I.
During the whole 1-1.5 hrs that we chatted together, he looked at me maybe 5 times, he kept looking at the bar surface. This made the conversation flow better. He laughed at my jokes, while still looking at the bar surface, we chatted like I said, he gave me his name for FB, after I asked for it. He said he was interviewed for a local paper, I said "oh wow that's great". He then said something negative about some local restaurant owner, I appreciated his honesty and I told him my opinion about that person, being also honest. I appreciate how he was looking away and didn't try to do the whole "eye contact overload mystery thing", I appreciate how he was honest about his opinion of local restaurant owner, most people around here would never tell a stranger that they dislike someone.
He left. I have no idea if he is interested in me at all or not. If I was neurotypical, would I already be having a clue? If I was neurotypical, considering that he hardly ever looked at me, how could I have conveyed that I am available?
Thanks!

A question for NTs:

Basically I am never never offended by honesty, even if I can see where others might be. For example, I am a bit fat and if someone tells me "You know, your thighs are big" I would not be offended by that cuz it is true. I'd probably be embarrassed however. Anyway, why do you- NTs- get offended when someone tells the truth?

*Grins* My partner and I regularly talk through this one. For some context: I am a 26 year old female NT.

Generally the offense is not taken at having the truth pointed out, as most people (and I am generalising again) are often already aware of it, but it is the implied and unsaid social/emotional connotations that go hand in hand with the truthful statement. Its not what you said, it was how you said it, and how it was perceived by the other person in a particular social context.

To use your example of someone commenting on the size of your thighs. You said you are aware of this fact, and take it at face value as a truthful statement.

However, for myself and a lot of other NT women, some of the things we associate with a statement like that are(regardless of the actual size of my thighs):
Im too fat, you think I should lose weight, maybe you are telling me my trousers make my thighs look fat and I shouldn't wear them, or you are telling me I have gained some weight? You think im ugly?

Add that to the social construct of beauty as a slim woman, many of us are hypersensitive to comments about body shape or size regardless of how true they may be. This is comparable to my partners physical hypersensitivity to loud noises or sudden movements. Also, socially in western culture it is considered rude to point out that someone is bigger.

With regards to context I would perceive the same statement "your thighs are big" very differently from a close friend than from a random male on the street. From my friend I would understand it to be a friendly comment from someone who knows me well and has noticed this fact and is concerned for my mental or physical health, but from the random male I would receive this as a hurtful and judgemental remark on my worth as person in a society that equates slim body shape with femininity.

I can appreciate it can be very tricky to get right, and ultimately the only advice I can give is to try and think about how that comment/statement could possibly be understood, or interpreted by the other person. Will it make them feel better about themself? If it is of a personal nature, how close is your relationship with that person? Is your opinion (or statement) requested? Is it necessary. And above all is it kind?

I think your question lies at the heart of the aspergers issue - difficulty with reading social contexts. As a side note, my partners unwavering (and sometimes brutal) honesty was one of things that attracted me as a friend 14 years ago, and later as a romantic partner.

I hope this is helpful, if not - I apologise. My weakness lies in writing my thoughts in a logical order, and I figure things out by having a discussion with another person!! !

Question for an NT:

How do you instinctively know when it is your turn to speak? I sometimes feel I can contribute to the conversation but I never know when I can jump in. Then when I do, I 'info-dump' on the person. Is there some sort of unwritten rule of how many sentences you or someone speaks before you can speak? Or how many sentences are acceptable in regular conversation? Please help. This is the main thing I screw up when I can actually talk to someone!! !