Not fitting in with the AS/ASD community

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I came into the autism community wanting to find people like me, it didn't quite work out given the differences between us and if anything I seem to be less likely to find where I fit within the autism community as we're all so different...

I found a local social group and was sitting discussing with them issues I had with the autism support team at the local college, as it turns out I'm not the only one who has had problems with this college but it was suddenly brought to my attention that I was the only one there who had been mainstream. I felt inadequate and odd sitting discussing issues of autism when obviously in this area they were far more severe than myself - like I had no right to talk about such things.

At the same social group I was not doing so well socially, I wasn't as bad as I could have been but struggled to talk to the others, when someone asked what I was interested in I cowered in fear and refused to answer, later when I was able to talk I found myself shaking like a leaf - everyone else in the group were chatting comfortably. I find it strange the differences we have in different areas, where as they all needed supported learning and I did not...they were seemingly more comfortable with socialising and communicating than I was.

If I'm 'too autistic' in one areas I'm 'not autistic enough' in another so one way or another I feel inadequate or like I don't fit in with others on the spectrum, it's quite strange. Add to this the fact some NT's including those who are supposed to understand us like parent-advocates would dismiss me as I'm not severe enough for them to recognise me as an autistic person...I don't feel I fit anywhere.

Anyone else see what I mean, and do you ever feel the same?

I'm not connected at all to the autistics I know IRL, but I consider it better than having no structured environment that recognises my definition.

Do you think it could just be the people you've come across so far? Perhaps it's too soon to generalize.

I am currently going to a school for adults with Autism and I feel totally different than the other students. They all seem to love socializing; I hate it. They talk too much; I can go for days without talking. They don't stim (most of them don't anyway); I stim almost constantly. They have difficulty reading and doing basic things; I taught myself to read before I started Kindergarten and taught myself most of what I know. They are all obsessed with anime, video games, Star Trek, and StarWars and only want to talk about those topics; I would rather spend my time learning about the sciences, or at the very least reading a good book. They all suck at nonverbal communication; nonverbal communication is my main form of communication. It's odd to think that we all supposedly have the same disorder, because I do not feel like I am connected to or can even remotely relate to any of the other students here. It's like they live on Earth and I live on Pluto. I find it very curious.

I think a part of having autism is not truly fitting in with ANY community.

But there are a lot of 'common themes' for autistics I couldn't find in my IRL group - special interests for example, they don't have them, they're more nerdy than a lot of people but it doesn't count. There are a lot of other subtle things I've noticed, but I can't put my finger on now. I think the Israeli psych community generally has poor resources, and is likely to diagnose people wrongly, or not give diagnoses to those who can benefit from one. I'm undiagnosed.

@Bloodheart:
perhaps you are a hybrid: half NT/AS. Not quite NT enough to fully connect with NT's yet not quite AS enough to connect with the more severely affected crowd.

I posted a thread about this long ago: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3492742 ... t=#3492742

It's a lonely place to be. I'd be happy to chat more about it with you.

I got diagnosed with autism and it was added "anxious type".
So I only go to a psychologist for autism to learn how to support myself and not into a group for autistics, because it would not work out for me to be benefical. That is, what my psychologist said and she is spezialized in autism and works with people with autism for 20 years.
So besides autism there are differences in the personalities too.
I don't feel like wanting to have contact to a group or belong into it at all, because I never did and it is too "demanding" for me.

I haven't yet met any adults with Autism, other than online. I have no idea what it would be like to meet a bunch all at once in real life, so I can't really identify until such a time comes. I have though, seen quite a lot of posts similar to yours, so I know the way you feel is not uncommon at all. We are all so very different from each other that I think it's not beyond comprehension that a lot of us are probably like mismatched puzzle pieces that simply don't fit together.

I came here just about two years ago expecting everyone here to understand me. Boy was I ever wrong. But it's not a problem for me. Yeah, a ton of users here didn't understand my way of thinking, but a lot of that came from my own crappy communication skills, probably added to their own communication styles that just plain didn't match my own. Over time here, I've come to learn that it's okay to not be understood sometimes, that it's okay not to understand others at times. It's all fine. I don't have to impress anybody, and nobody has to impress me. The one thing almost all of us have in common is that we are all different, unique, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I almost left this forum within the first few weeks of being here. I don't even remember exactly why. I do remember that I was feeling here just as you are describing in your post. But I didn't leave, and that feeling eventually passed. I would imagine the same is probably true meeting other Autistics in real life. I bet a lot of the people you saw at those meet ups felt just as out of place as you did. If it were me, I'd give it more time. I would go anyway. Don't forget that we've probably ALL felt weird, outcast, sidelined, and generally shunned at one time or another. That is the one thing about yourself they probably do understand.

I bet if you give it more of a chance, you'll find that it's worth the effort, even if you spend long time not talking to anyone. Yeah, the people there may SEEM more social than you are, but I bet once you get to know them you're going to start learning you aren't as different from them as you think you are. Not that you are the same, but I bet you think you are more different than you really are. The only way to know is go and spend some time listening for a while. After a while, I wouldn't be surprised if you hear something that makes you want to speak up.