did you want to be around people?

Post Reply New Topic

and then felt like being around people is not what it's cracked up to be?
as a child, i didnt want anything to do with people, beside my siblings. i enjoyed animals' company and humans' company seemed boring and annyoning.
as a teen, i kept hearing people saying, whether talking to each other, or on TV or in books, they keep giving the message that "if you make friends you'll be happier" and, especially, "if you love someone and have kids you'll feel absolute happiness and all the emptiness and boredom you feel will disappear."
so, i believed this to be truth and started being interested in people. i was frustrated when they weren't interested in me. in my twenties, i left my parents' house and went aboard, and living in a very, very poor niegborhood. some of the people there were weird and i like weird people, so i managed to make a friend or two, and then got so depressed, frustrated and bored in their company! and this is what supposed to make me happy. this is what's supposed to erase the depression and boredom and frustration i felt all my life.
i thought maybe if i had a baby i'd feel better, but deep down i knew i could never handle a kid, or a relationship. ever since i bought my cats, i dont want kids anymore, or a relationship, or friends. i've got my nieces, and they're great. but i couldnt handle being a full time mother and an aunt is more like a part time, second mother. i dont need anything else.
put me in a place out in the country, with no people and a lot of nature and animals, like in the woods, maybe, and i'll be happy long as i have a few pets.
it's just that, for a while, i viewed being in a relationship and having kids as my salvation, something that will make me happy at least, and now i realize it was an illusion and i could never have dealt with it and it would've made me miserable.
any similar experiences?

Yeah, I relate to this. I always got along better with animals. I also constantly heard all the "being social is healthy, being alone is unhealthy" nonsense. I eventually found through my own life experience that if you are miserable being alone, then yeah, it is bad, but if you don't mind being solitary, then it is not unhealthy. I did try to socialize some when younger, but I wasn't any good at it, and wasn't accepted by other people. Although having a social network is helpful in some ways, in others it's a pain. I found even as a child that I was usually quite content to do things on my own. I also didn't like the nasty behavior of others when I tried to join them in stuff. So, why try to join nasty people, which made me unhappy, when doing stuff by myself didn't bother me? Unfortunately, my parents weren't too happy with my being so solitary. It doesn't help that my father is an extrovert, and thinks that introversion is always a mental illness--and that if you are an introvert you are automatically miserable because of it. He is in his mid 80s now, and I am in my early 50s, but I still can't get him to believe that I like being alone. And I live alone! He constantly frets about my being alone, and thinks it makes me miserable. Being with other people for prolonged periods of time is what makes me miserable. I can handle seeing and talking to the neighbors, and other people when I run errands. I can even handle occasional family get-togethers, but I don't want to live with anyone, or go to a lot of parties. I lived with various relatives for most of my life and we all drove each other crazy. I need my psych space, and don't ever want to live with others again.

I became aware of my solitary nature at a young age. I remember deciding when I was 8 years old that I would never marry or have kids. I never changed my mind, because I never changed my solitary nature, except to become even more solitary. Besides not wanting a family, I also knew that I would be lousy as a wife or mother, but since I didn't want either position, it hasn't been a problem. I do feel sorry for people who do want that, but haven't been able to land a spouse and have kids, but I am glad I never even tried for a family life.

Don't let others try to bully you into a "traditional" style of spouse and kids life, if you don't want it. Each person has the right to live their own life, and to make key personal choices about what that life will include and what it will exclude.

I've always enjoyed being around people. I always got excited when my family had company over.

I'm not very social. I stay home a lot and when I do go out it is usually to get something, not to socialize.

In early school days I was taught by parents, teachers, etc... that the way to stop being bullied was to make friends and to become popular...

By junior high school I had formed groups of friends, learned to fight back... and stopped being bullied...

By highschool I found that I was more comfortable with smaller groups of friends in the 2-3 range... still no bullying

Once I got out of highschool I lost contact with the last best friend I've ever had... and I've never tried to replace him cause I really dont care... I dont need a group of personal friends or people to talk to on the phone etc... the reason: I am not subject to bullying any more... School is over.

so yep... thats what happened... lost interest in friends and social connections and all that good stuff

It depends on the person but usually no. When I go out with my family to a restraunt with friends I just go for the food and ignore the people.

WOW, questor...

THAT was POWERFUL STUFF!! !!

I became aware of my solitary nature around the age of 5, but spent so much of my life trying to fit into a mould! I did have quite a time in high school, but once I reached my early twenties, decided that I liked my solitary nature to the point where I decided NOT to get married and do the family thing. And THIS is probably a GOOD thing as my dearly departed father would NOTE from time-to-time that I never really SEEMED like I actually BELONGED to the family I'm a part of no less!

I've got a set of friends and associates that I socialize with through the Twelve Step fellowship I'm a part of. But even my sponsor tells me that he doesn't think that I'm TRULY a part of things - despite my work with our home group and my work on the local Activities Committee.

I've tried the dating thing...don't like the games the women I've come across try to play. I prefer to do a LOT of things ALONE! Shopping, watching TV, sleeping, riding in my car, etc., etc., etc...

When it comes to certain people thinking they can bully me into being in a relationship or getting married...

PEOPLE. JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Ugh I hate it when people ask me when am i going to get married? Gosh its no ones business! If one prefers to live with dogs or cats and not have a roommate or spouse, that's their choice!

People are overrated.

No, I would be happy if I never had to be around people (excluding my husband and kids and grandkids that is). In fact, we moved to the middle of nowhere to get away from people, and it was the best thing that happened to me. We have several animals who are much better company than people could ever be. As a child, I used to get told off by my parents for being "antisocial" and not wanting friends around me, I much preferred books and stamps.

It strikes me as extremely odd that if you are not a social person there is "something wrong with you". Some of us just prefer our own company, or that of one or two trusted people. It's not a case of what is right or wrong, though society seems to think it is.

I only feel truly happy when I'm alone, but I discipline myself to at least see my girlfriend regularly because otherwise I would be completely isolated. Being with people makes me feel stressed and bored, unfortunately. If I'm in a group for more than a couple of hours it does something bad to my brain and I feel ill . I don't know why I'm like that, I was just born that way.

Only for a little while do I want to be around them. I don't want to be around them eight hours a day. I cannot fathom it.

The only people I really feel like me around are close family members and maybe a small number of close friends. Even then, I have to retreat to a quiet room for a while (which my family members see as rude sometimes). Aside from that, I generally avoid unnecessary contact, or if I do communicate with them, it's over instant message or email. Phone calls are evil. I won't answer it unless absolutely necessary.