The "Shy Gorillas"

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Old thread i know. But this sounds just like me. The majority of humanity will stab you in the back eventually, ive been there. I dont want to feel this way, but it keeps getting reinforced thru my life experiences.

I find that people generally are willing to push me to give more than I would want to and then take an "I'm alright jack" attitude when it becomes evident that in helping them I've burned myself. Every time this happens I berate myself for not trusting my instincts and I "know" that the person I'm dealing with was as aware of the potential consequences as I was and that they "chose" to downplay those consequences in order to manipulate me. Rationally I know this is unlikely to be the case for if mine were a common experience it would be prevalent in literature and not just in the UFO conspiracy circles. I'm 32 years old now and this incongruity has perplexed me since my early childhood. It's been a source of such bafflement that I tend to take the view that it's easier just to avoid having to deal with anyone or rely on anyone but myself. That self reliance may be the only workable solution is intensely annoying because I (think that I?) can see other people in the world managing to rely on each other just fine and I've no idea how they do it.

I wonder if the supposed increased prevalence of ASD/Aspergers in todays society isn't symptomatic of societies square hole getting rounder and fewer people fitting in. I'm thinking of this remarkable TED Talk mainly (too new for links: ted (dot) com then search for "Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity" it's worth a watch I promise.)

I remember my parents endlessly and mercilessly bullying me about my paying no attention at school or my body running around their world while my mind ran around in it's own. I can still remember how it felt but when I cast my mind back I can't see what was so overwhelming about it all. By which I mean to say that they weren't really bullying me at all, that's just how it felt at the time. My sister seems quite normal and while she recalls that it wasn't a perfect childhood she makes a persuasive argument that others less fortunate than ourselves have turned out pretty much as society expets but all I feel when I think of it is the same anquish I felt back then. It doesn't even bother me anymore I'm really just curious as to how other people seem to be able to "just let it go" and I can barely even understand what that means.

I did test with a high IQ (120+ by a shrink assessing me for dyslexia aged 18, 150+ on an online DIY IQ Quiz when I was 15) in my youth but since then I've been an alcoholic for about six years, taken every psychoactive substance I've had occasion to (Psychopharmacology became an obsession after hearing (as a 10 year old) someone say of the psilocybe mushroom family "They make you see things that aren't there") This paradox became an obsession and of the myriad psychoactive substances I've sampled I know at least a few are proven to be neurotoxic at some dose and, I believe, some at any dose. I've also suffered a stroke since then which cost me my driving license. Keep off them drugs kids!

Working on the assumption that I fit the description in the article posted then what frightens me is the suggestion that I'm more often wrong than right about my assumptions about other peoples motives. I never counted it as a strength but to go from that to the idea that I'm significantly wrong on 80% of occasions is unsettling.

Anyway, I hope I've not missed the point of this thread or bored you all to tears.

B.

I found the "Shy Gorilla" very interesting for obvious reasons.

They're assuming waaaay too much about what's going on in those gorillas' heads.

And I'm not from the, "You're the way you are because you're just so smart and gifted," school of thought.

Screw that nonsense.

I disagree with the name "shy gorilla." How insulting! Why is it people have to come up with disparaging names for others when they do their thinking?

Part of me likes the idea of laying around in a forest eating vegetation, having fur and not wearing human clothes, taking naps, being incredibly strong and swinging around. I am sure there are down sides too, like social hierarchy, but I like the idea.

Everything but the paranoia made me think that's me. I don't have a 160 IQ. Mine is in the mid to high 130s. I qualified for MENSA - but was too shy to go to any events, so I dropped out. I think I'm empathic, but I usually don't see people as ill meaning, and I think I'm warm rather than cold, but somewhat aloof. People tend to like me if they know me a little, it's just that I'm really hard to get to know because I'm extremely private and value my solitude. I think most people mean well, though they can be too intrusive for me to handle. I do have two close relationships, and I honestly feel that's all I can handle.

There are some people, though, that I do get suspicious of and avoid, usually someone who comes off to me as a con-artist or manipulative type - who seems to be trying to elicit an action or response from me all the time and acts as if they think they can read me. So I would say sometimes I'm paranoid. I've also had people let me down, some disappointments. But I don't have hard feelings about it. It's just sad.

I tend to shy away from friendship and socializing, mainly because it just takes a lot out of me. I really like to be home all the time. Solitude, peace, quiet. I did the school thing, and I did the career thing. Now that I'm retired I really just want to be left alone to do my things in solitude, and I don't think that's too much to ask. I spent a lifetime compromising with the NT/extroverted world and I've said "enough!" I'm TIRED. Go away.

that sounds exactly like me.

I often find that people start to get close to me and try to pursue that friendship further - but I know because I'm a little different, socially awkward and a bit weird I start to run away straight away. It's a catch 22. I can feel really lonely but yet when people try to get close to me I push them away.