Is it possible for people with Aspergers to be abusive?

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Phillipino
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03 Jun 2012, 9:31 pm

One of my very close female friends who has Aspergers herself started dating a guy that also had it and he treated her nice for the first few weeks then he gradually started showing signs of meanness. She had a phobia of having penile contact anywhere near her mouth and one time he pulled his penis out and said "want to suck it?" to which she said no but he took her head and pushed it down to it which made her cry for a long time. He would also yell at her for little things such as shedding hair or not draining the bathtub properly. One time he woke her up by pulling her hair and forcibly took her to the bathroom and made her clean the tub with bleach, to which she was crying the whole time and the bleach caused an infection on her skin. Then a short time later he demanded her out of his house and instructed his friends that if she is not out by a designated time to come over and physically pick her up and throw her and her stuff out onto the street. She told me that before he ever started being mean he even admitted that he could be a d i c k. This was just such a shock to me. From what I've seen of them it's just never occurred to me that aspies are capable of meanness, that any apparent meanness they exhibit is unintentional, but I don't see how someone can be this mean unintentionally. What I'm wondering is, in Aspergers is inexcusability truly nonexistent?



Stargazer43
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03 Jun 2012, 9:33 pm

It's possible for anyone to be abusive, unfortunately.



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03 Jun 2012, 9:34 pm

Yes, autistic people can be abusive. A year or two or maybe three ago there was a big bullying mess on the Autism Hub because some members were being abusive to other members.



redrobin62
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03 Jun 2012, 9:41 pm

<-----Doesn't get why women stay in abusive relationships.



Who_Am_I
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03 Jun 2012, 9:42 pm

Of course it is.

Redrobin, some reasons why women may stay in abusive relationships:

- Nowhere else to go

- Afraid that if they leave, their partner will come after them

- Hoping that the good times will come back and stay

- Believing that the abuse is somehow their fault


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Ganondox
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03 Jun 2012, 9:43 pm

What a dick.


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03 Jun 2012, 9:58 pm

It is possible, and what is more important in this situation is that your friend should go to a safe place and cut off contact with a person who would treat her so dangerously.

People still have to be held accountable for their actions and behaviours even if they have Aspergers.


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Bunnynose
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03 Jun 2012, 10:06 pm

Phillipino wrote:
... in Aspergers is inexcusability truly nonexistent?


Definitely the weirdest question posed after such a pornographic first post.



Callista
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03 Jun 2012, 10:10 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Yes, autistic people can be abusive. A year or two or maybe three ago there was a big bullying mess on the Autism Hub because some members were being abusive to other members.
And I was completely oblivious to the whole thing, despite being a Hub blogger at the time. I don't know if I'll ever be able to detect that kind of thing, unless it's so blatant that people are getting punched in the face over it.

I honestly don't know whether autistics are as likely to be abusive as NTs. I think maybe we're slightly less likely. Not because of a lack of desire to hurt people--we're as human as anyone in that respect--but because we just kind of suck at socializing, and that includes aggressive socialization. If I tried to abuse somebody, I think I would probably just confuse them and leave them wondering whether I'd been hit on the head recently. If I wanted to hurt somebody, I'd have to physically hit them, sue them, hack their Facebook and put up their embarrassing baby pictures, or something. I'm just not good at the verbal-aggression thing. Nor, unfortunately, good at defending against it. *sigh* Well, we've all got talents; that's just not one of mine.


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TheSunAlsoRises
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03 Jun 2012, 10:17 pm

Phillipino wrote:
One of my very close female friends who has Aspergers herself started dating a guy that also had it and he treated her nice for the first few weeks then he gradually started showing signs of meanness. She had a phobia of having penile contact anywhere near her mouth and one time he pulled his penis out and said "want to suck it?" to which she said no but he took her head and pushed it down to it which made her cry for a long time. He would also yell at her for little things such as shedding hair or not draining the bathtub properly. One time he woke her up by pulling her hair and forcibly took her to the bathroom and made her clean the tub with bleach, to which she was crying the whole time and the bleach caused an infection on her skin. Then a short time later he demanded her out of his house and instructed his friends that if she is not out by a designated time to come over and physically pick her up and throw her and her stuff out onto the street. She told me that before he ever started being mean he even admitted that he could be a d i c k. This was just such a shock to me. From what I've seen of them it's just never occurred to me that aspies are capable of meanness, that any apparent meanness they exhibit is unintentional, but I don't see how someone can be this mean unintentionally. What I'm wondering is, in Aspergers is inexcusability truly nonexistent?



Different personalities and temperaments exist across humanity regardless of(and/or sometimes because of) disabilities and/or abilities. Now, having said THAT, the magnitude and prevalence of certain types of traits might be a bit different amongst Autists compared to the general population.



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03 Jun 2012, 10:22 pm

I don't understand that question in the last sentence. But what is said that happened is very wrong.



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03 Jun 2012, 10:24 pm

That's beyond Abuse...You just mentioned Rape!

Asperger's =/= Abuse free relationships, which is the COLD TRUTH

If I get married to an abusive wife, I would pretend to act as scareridy cat, build some evidence, see a lawyer, and save it all for a rainy day!


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Alfonso12345
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03 Jun 2012, 10:28 pm

I'm capable of being a cruel and sadistic person and I have AS (Undiagnosed). Of course I only get urges to harm those who have abused or done worse to innocent people and make them suffer for their actions. If I was much stronger than I am, knew how to fight, and had a complete disregard for the law, I would be hunting abusive people like the guy your friend ended up with, and taking the law into my own hands, if you know what I mean.

I hope your friend becomes free from this guy. Some people who are mean like this can be this way willingly, but there are some who might have some severe disorders. He could be a sociopath or a psychopath.



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03 Jun 2012, 10:38 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Of course it is.

Redrobin, some reasons why women may stay in abusive relationships:

- Nowhere else to go

- Afraid that if they leave, their partner will come after them

- Hoping that the good times will come back and stay

- Believing that the abuse is somehow their fault


Yes to all of this. Abusers have an emotional hold on their victims. It's stronger than any physical hold one can be placed in. That's why some women don't just pack and get the heck out.



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03 Jun 2012, 11:11 pm

Yes. It is possible for people with Asperger's to be emotionally abusive, physically abusive, sexually abusive, more than one of the above, etc.

Personally, I consider myself having been emotionally abused by someone with Asperger's.



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03 Jun 2012, 11:23 pm

They are capable of being abusive, and I've seen it around here. I was also abused once on here a couple of years ago, by a banned member who was 20 years younger than myself.


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